I would really like to hear a happy solution to the sibling dynamics situation. Most of us seem to complain that it all falls on "us."

I'm just wondering if any of you have a GREAT situation with siblings, perhaps you as the primary caregiver, but they help out, too?

I would especially be interested in positive ways long distance siblings can help, as that is what situation I am in.

JJ, there is a thread down below that might have some suggestions... http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/3526056051/m/8571081381

I think it is wonderful when LD sibs send cards, postcards, photos and letters that Mom can hold in her hand and read and reread endlessly. Some of the cards Mom treasures are the funny ones with a photo inside. Of course, she tells me about them over and over, but that's okay. It lets me know how much she treasures them!!!

Flowers are lovely. My sis sends flowers to mom on nearly every occasion and she soooo enjoys watching them open and fill her day with beauty. It gives her something to talk about and such pleasure!! I "milk" those arrangements until the last bloom is gone...

As far as it all "falling on us" - that's the job I took on. Unless there is some emergency, I do not expect nor want others to feel like they have to actively give me a hand. Our LOs become unured to the way we do things, the ebb and flow of their lives with us and that routine is important to them. Someone coming to "spell" me would have a hard time fitting in to the daily routine. Only someone who lived real close and visited often could know those little idiosyncrasies of our daily living...

I have NEVER felt hard toward my sis for not being here... her life is elsewhere and I CHOSE to do this with mine!!! I bless her for not visiting very often - visits are an enormous drain on me and while I will ALWAYS accommodate anyone who wants to come see Mom, I am grateful when they call and write.

For help and respite, I look to the members of my family who live with us and know what's happening. Mostly, they are not involved with Mom's direct care. When I need help with that, I call my home health folks and ask for an aide. Unless someone volunteers for direct caregiving, I have found that it does not work to press them into service. It is NOT a job for everyone... you actually have to WANT to do this...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Moms_Buddy,

WE HAVEKaren who is a long distance sibling and does her part.Maybe she will check in and give you her ideas.