I am new to this but I need an ear. my Mom has had some mental problems( she doesnt think so) over the years but up until now she has firmly said she needs no help, well she is not asking for help now but she is in desperate need and I cant be quiet any longer. I thought I had support from 1 sister, but that fell apart today and none from a brother, his mental health is in question. but I am getting verbal support from another sister who lives 800 miles away. and says if I need her she will fly in.
Mom is a packrat to the point it is filthy, her dog just died from I am sure neglect of the proper care, vet visits/cleaner surroundings
Mom is an animal lover and in her right mind would not intentionally treat her dog or cat
in an improper way. I think that thing are so bad with her she does not see whats happening I asked my 2 sisters to help in an intervention and they both said they didnt feel comfortable with that, Moms light got cut off last week and she called to stay with me, no problem she retired from her Good paying job about 3 months ago and is living on ss and a sitters job she has, when she is on the outside of her house and dealing with others she is ok but when she gets in her house she's a completly different person. she never has had good money sense,
I knew that retiring from this job would cause conflict, with her money.
she had not paid her bill since april.
on thursday I went to her house to see what I would be dealing with and let myself in. its a total wreck, trash, cat poop, cat liter.
the smell alone is horrible and this is why I couldnt stay quite any longer, If I had not taken her cat she never would have known I was in the house, yes I stole her cat, why because she was in bad shape had I not taken the cat, she would have died in a few days, well I talked to Mom about all this and told her I took her cat and when she got the house cleaned and moved to another smaller lower rent apt I would return the cat, well I took the cat to the groomer for a cleanup and she is going to be Ok and will survive, Meanwhile my sister agreen to take the cat to help me out until mom did as she had agreed to. today I asked my sister if I could bring Mom to see the cat and she is telling me she documented this with the Humane society and that Mom will not ever see the cat or much less have a chance to get her back. and told me not to tell mom where the cat is. I can see where my sister is upset over the cats condition but now I feel Mom hasnt anything to look forward to, am I going slap crazy?

Welcome, Jules. I PROMISE you that on MANY days, the funny farm sounds like a vacation resort to me - crafts, interesting people to talk with, no vacuuming and washing dishes and laundry - let's GO!!!

OK, I'll behave...

How old is your mom? When you say "mental" problems - are you talking some kind of mental illness or a neurological disorder like AD, vascular dementia, etc. with cognitive impairment? While the problem with the dog and the cat are very sad, this is not uncommon... When dementia begins to rear its ugly head, many folks cannot care for themselves properly, let alone an animal. It IS sad, but there's no reason for your sister to be judgmental and to punish your mom for not being capable of caring for the pets... It's just a shame that things got to that point... Your sister has a LOT to learn...

No matter what, you need to get your mom to a doctor for an evaluation of her cognitive functions... Ask for a geriatric psychiatric workup. It's usually an inpatient stay for 10-14 days where a team of docs will test her functions in many different areas to identify areas where she needs help, come to a diagnosis and make recommendations for a treatment plan. It's the best way to get the ball rolling toward getting your mom the care and help she needs. Discussing the situation with the doctor ALONE can give you ideas on how to "sell" this examination to your mom... I didn't use the words "psychiatric" or "neurological" to my mom... She had had a car wreck, so I conned her into thinking it was tests related to her rehab from that... You use whatever tricks that work to get her to consent to an in-depth examination. An office evaluation is virtually worthless because patients in early stages are very good at "faking out" others, including doctors and nurses who SHOULD know better...

If mom is on SS now, I am guessing she's over 65. The fact that she is unable to care for her own needs REALLY makes me feel concerned about her having a sitter's job!!!

It sounds like your mom could be suffering from the beginnings of AD... While you must get control of her to get her life going n a srtaight line, please understand that if she DOES have either a neurological or mental disorder of some kind, she may not be able to help the way she has been behaving. It takes a LOTTA LOVE and understanding to handle this... I doubt seriously that this is something she CAN help... Thank goodness you are assisting her. I know you have plenty on your plate, but what you are doing here is an intervention - just like an animal rescue in a way. Unless your mom has always been this way, something is VERY wrong and will require a lot of extra help from you to get things straightened out for her. Stubbornness is a problem, so instead of arguing and fighting, try to approach her with sincere concern and love to gain her trust. MANY blessings to you for all you are doing for your mom! Best wishes and please update us when you have time.

Yes Moms Personal care is not good either, and she asked me to give her 3 months to clean it up on her own I outright told her she had 2 months and she needed to fill out an aplication for the low rent apt by Monday, which was yesterday. I had work, Jury duty a DH and a child to tend to yesterday and didnt get with her , she is coming to my house on wednesday to see the greatgrand child, and if she does not have the app filled out then I have another one,
I am trying to save her some embarrassment by not calling in the adult ps, but I am afraid it may come to that. She is a very stubborn lady and I dont think she realizes how bad the problem is.

Oh Dear!
Did your Mom understand why you think the dog died, why the cat was taken away? I'm not sure if I read that she's agreed to get her place clean and keep it that way.
If she's unknowingly neglected the dog and cat, as you suspect from the condition of the home, it's almost a sure bet she's neglecting some parts of her own care, too. See if you can suggest that if the place made the animals sick, it might be making her sick, too, and help her get to the doctor for a complete evaluation. If you know who her doc is, you can offer to call to set up an appointment - and possibly express your concerns while you do.
Privacy laws be darned some days! If you accompany your Mom, and she makes no objection to your being there, that's usually good enough. She may have to sign some document that it's OK for you to discuss care, etc, but you can deal with that. The house stinks, there's no electricity, and that's enough! If it's not fixed, if neighbors complain, if the board of health gets involved, they'll probably bring in adult protective services, and you'll be on a path to stranger territory than you ever wanted to see. And most definitely, get that long distance sister involved! The closer sister is probably right in thinking that Mom shouldn't get the cat back; only you understand her and why she won't even let Mom come for a visit with it. But just maybe she'll develop a better attitude once the doc's verdict is in, and you can see what you've got to work with.
Depression after retirement isn't such a far fetched idea, either.
Best of luck. Come back and let us know how things are going!