Hi,

I'm new here, and wondered if anyone has tips about handling the holidays as a caregiver.

I live with my 88 year old father in his home. I moved in about 5 years ago when I noticed he was having trouble taking care of things around the house - my mom passed away 15 years ago, and I am not married, so here I am.

This year I am feeling especially stressed, due to my own health issues, upcoming surgery for my dad, and possible layoffs at my job. I have a brother who lives an hour away. He is retired and in good shape financially. He has all his Christmas shopping done, while I don't even want to think about it. Trying to explain to him how overwhelmed I'm feeling always gets the same response - "Time to look for assisted living." Of course, there is no money for such a thing, and my dad wants to remain at home, which is why I am here. Sometimes I wish I could just run away during the holidays. Gosh, that sounded whiny. On the bright side, my dad is still mobile, relatively healthy, and usually a nice guy. Does anyone have suggestions about handling holidays stress? Thanks!

MamaBlue

quote:

Sometimes I wish I could just run away during the holidays. Gosh, that sounded whiny. On the bright side, my dad is still mobile, relatively healthy, and usually a nice guy. Does anyone have suggestions about handling holidays stress? Thanks!

Welcome, Mamablue. Glad you found your way here! Please wander over to the New Caregivers forum to introduce yourself and tell us a little about your situation - it's kinda hard to locate intros in all the different forums, so we TRY to put 'em there!

I try to take it easy on the stress during the holidays and budget my energy. When I catch myself feeling too whiny, I remind myself that there are folks who don't have ANY family members or friends with whom to celebrate holidays... When I present myself with that all too common scenario, I usually get a flood of energy and gratitude for the extra stress of planning celebrations and helping to make them special for myself and others. Doesn't make the stress go away, but it sure makes it feel more worthwhile and pleasant!!

Thanks,Opinionated - that is a good way to relax and rejuvenate. Bunnys_grl, thank you for the kind words.

I do pretty well with the dr. appts., keeping his meds straight, monitoring his checkbook, and trying to keep him safe - he is a stubborn old guy (passed that on to me), so sometimes he tries to do things he shouldn't. He is going in for hernia surgery in a week, and it has been a battle to keep him from lifting anything heavy. There will be a home health care aide here for a few days after his surgery, and I hope periodically even after his recovery - that would be a big help.

My brother isn't able to deal with this - same thing when my mom was bedridden before she died, he just couldn't deal with it, so I helped as much as I could. He will help out some with $$$, but he would expect me to sell the house to pay for assisted living, which would leave me without a place to live. Well, that's the short version. I feel so much better being able to talk to folks who know what it's like.

Don't let the storybook image of the holiday get to you. There's all this pressure to line up the reindeer and get the elves singing in harmony but, really, just a peaceful, good day is a nice gift.

On Christmas Eve, I have a personal tradition of going outside when everyone else is asleep or busy with other things. I look at the stars (if they're visible) and I reflect on my blessings. Some years I have to stretch to remember them but there are always some to be found. I find that fifteen minutes is the most sacred Christmas moment to me. The crisp air, the quiet night, the thought that the skies looked much the same at the first Christmas, no matter what else has changed -- I find a great sense of peace that lasts for months, when I recall it. I recommend it. It's a good, if silent, way to celebrate and there is no advance ordering necessary. :-)

Hey MamaBlue welcome in!
A sledgehammer usually works.....Ok not funny huh? Well...
What can I say other than boy do we all know how you feel.
People who dont care give cant understand how we feel so dont even try to educate your bro and the next time he says somethin about ALF's ask him if he would be willin to toss a few dollars his dads way so you can get a lil respite
How are you handling day to day care of your dad?
The first and most important thing to remember is not to try and be perfect in this role, no one expects perfection. Thats usually what gets us into trouble with stress.
Do the most important things first and let the rest set till you have the time to give it the attention its due.
If this isnt whats stressing you then tell us a little more, give us a "for instance" were here and we have some pretty big shoulders