Ok, so you remember my sister, the one that lives 30 minutes away and makes an appearance a couple of times a year, well, I got in touch a couple of months ago and she actually came to visit one time. Said she would be coming one day every weekend for the rest of the summer. Well, we have had 2 visits (counting original one) and thats it. I shouldn't be surprised, but I just cannot believe how unfeeling, uncaring, and completely selfish she is. I got a note from her today that said "I won't be able to come this weekend, I don't want to explain why, I just can't. Sorry"....sorry my a^&(*! I didn't tell mom that she said she was going to come every weekend so she wouldn't be disappointed and now I am glad I didn't. Also haven't heard from my alcoholic brother since the last time he called drunk and I wouldn't let him talk to her, which was about a month ago.

On the opposite end of my siblings...my sweet hubby...I am going to see my grandbaby this weekend and he is encouraging me to spend 2 nights instead of 1. I haven't been away from her for more than a night in a year, so I may take him up on it.

Enough about my dysfunctional family! *L*

I e-mail or text when there's a crisis. Everyday, non crisis updates I post on my facebook. Of course, the ones I don't want to be "friends" with only hear news in crisis situations. If they are interested in her, they'll go see her. Which they don't. Their problem, and not my job to be their conscience.

Hi Mkandy, Sounds just like my siblings, they don't even know where their Mom is, you get to the point where I am sick and tired of being the one to "report" everything.I need to do what is right for me, not worry about them. If they want to be a part of the parents lives then they will, if not well, it is what it is, right?

I have a brother who is about 20 minutes away, and I haven't seen in I don't know how long. I have been taking care of mom for 8 years now and it's frustrating. They all don't want anything to do with things, until they want something. UGH

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I am the one who is always there when no one else is, not just show up now and then sorry I could just rip their heads off!!!!! Think i'm bitter? Honestly I feel better now, thanks for listening.

Welcome, Angelina. I hope you'll introduce yourself in the New Caregivers forum so we can get to know you and yours better and give you a hearty ECO welcome!

I tried very hard not to criticize the behavior of others while caring for mom. Caregiving isn't everyone's cup of tea and I truly believe most folks are doing the best they can in these difficult situations. Sure, there are those who never show up until it's all over but the cryin', but that's their loss, not mine. So long as they don't interfere with what I am doing, I'm content to live and let live. Now if someone is an absent party and shows up with all kinds of advice and criticism, well, then, I can be pretty pointed in my remarks to them, but caregiving is so all-consuming, I try not to waste my energy and brainpower on people and behavior I will never understand.

Hang in there! Many blessings to you for all that you do!

I meant to add that my siblings are that type, run to the hospital, nursing home, asstd., living, funeral homes, but when the person needed them when they were alive and well they weren't there. I came to realize that the reason they didn't visit their parents much is because no one would see them. When they would go to the other places mentioned people would see them there and it "looked good" they showed up, you know? But at their parents house different story, unless at a holiday and then there were others there to see them. It's strange but true I have seen this for years believe me and gone through much therapy over them, I guess they like the attention or praise, how sick is that? I am the one who is always there when no one else is, not just show up now and then sorry I could just rip their heads off!!!!! Think i'm bitter? Honestly I feel better now, thanks for listening.

I am just curious, why do people feel the need to go to visit someone when they Pass? I honestly never got that, I mean I have done it, but if you never were around for them when they were alive why come around now? I guess it's the guilt thing again, sorry if I seem bitter, I am.

Well this is my first post and I am glad to see that others out there have the same dead beat siblings as I do!!! I never thought our family would be so messed up, it makes me feel better in a weird way, that you guys can relate.

My brother is refusing to talk to or visit our Dad and even says he's not coming to his funeral when the time comes. I say fine. I have had to do without any help for over a year now and don't expect any in the future. He says he'll do anything to help me EXCEPT do for Dad. He won't watch him, help him, do anything around his house, etc. etc. Frankly that's all I need from him and I obviously will not get it. And people wonder why I'm so independent.

Ahhhh - the pause that refreshes!! I was blessed to have my closest family members in the same household, so I did not have to travel to visit with them. I was never able to leave overnight during the time I cared for Mom, but the day trips I was able to take were so renewing. It's comforting to have a family member who can "step up" for a few days to let us take those all-important breaks to recharge our batteries and connect up with other friends & loved ones! So glad you got a chance to get away for a bit!!

I hadda smile when you talked about your Mom thinking you were at work and wanting to fix dinner for when you got home... despite her own challenges, she's still trying to take care of you! To love is to love is to love....

Mountains overnight huh? Sounds wonderful!!! I love going to the mountains..we live close to the blue ridge mountians and used to go quite a bit. I have been to Mt. Mitchell when it was over 90 at home and get up there and you have to have slacks, coats, gloves, the whole works.

Glad you had a good time.

Sorry I wasn't more clear about it. We went to the mountains over night. Stayed in a place where you could actually open the windows and forget about TV and AC. Breathe air that wasn't recycled.

I am so glad you got to see your g' baby. Your hubby did just wonderful. GREAT!!!!!!

I'm back and it went SO good, I may take off again tomorrow!! Of course I am kidding about taking off again, but it went very smoothly for hubby. He said she did get one of her "funk" moods last night...thought I was "working" (I haven't worked outside of home in 16 years!), thought she better get supper cooked for me, those kind of things, but he handled them all. Took her out to visit some relatives, it all just went fine. AND...I loved, loved seeing my baby. Haven't seen her since May and she has changed so much...it was just wonderful. And since I went on Friday night...got to spend alone time with my son, him and I ate supper, drank a bottle of wine and had a great visit, long overdue. SO...weekend was very good for everyone. Can you hear me screaming YIPEEEEE and hear the floor pounding from me jumping up and down?? *S*

Did you go out to dinner or just out?? Glad you had a nice time also. It is amazing how much better you feel when you have a bit of time out.

How did it go??? Did you do it, get away and breathe, come home and find it DID NOT burn down??? I sure hope so. We got away for Fri night and Bro said to make sure Mom's caregiver on duty had his # for anything. It worked well this time for us... Sure hope it did for you.

Bev sorry, your sibs are being so unhelpful. Your are 3x blessed with your wonderful husband though. How do you think your mom is going to take to being alone with "that man"?