The will say's he gets half so he gets half, and that is just not right, that my fathers money should go to what it shall. This is so damn frustrating, knowing every half of every penny of the money my father worked for is just going to go in to a needle and I just dont know what to do. Whenever we confront him about rehab or try to intervene he just gets subordinate and causes havoc. I do not need the money I am recieving from my father at all right now, because I am already quite well off. The thing is, I dont want my brother to have it because I know that its just going to all go to getting high. My father didn't work for 60 some years to get my brother tweeking on meth god damn it. Whenever I tried reasoning with my father he would insist that he will get better. He won't though, he is beyond return. If my mother was still aorund I know she could have done something. I wish i knew what to do..

(sorry if this is the wrong forum to gripe...)

Mark,
I really feel for you and your drug addicted brother. My brother is a low functioning alcoholic and has caused so much pain to all in the family. Including his 2 young children. It is maddening and it is a helpless feeling to watch your brother do such damaging things to your parents and his family. The only comfort I have is to pray for deliverence for him and put it in God's hands. It is so sad to see a life waisted as well as money that could be used for good. I feel for you and just know that you are not alone. I have been living with addicted family members all my life and it is hard and heart renching. I have a wonderful husband and kids and friends to support me and that makes all the difference in the world.
Good Luck to you. Christie

Mark, I am saddend to hear of your father's loss.

I understand your helpless feelings, the anger your brother has caused in your life.

I can't give you advice, but know we are all here for you and thinking of you during this time!

Come back and post on the Anger Wall! It is a great place to let it all out!!!!!!!!

Sorry Mark, but until I read other posts, I did not realize that your father had passed. So sorry for your loss.

There is nothing you can do other than to contest the will. Seek advice from an attorney.

Best wishes

Welcome Mark! So sorry you are having this difficulty. Unfortunately, if your father is of sound mind and chooses not to change his will, there is not much you can do... If he is not of sound mind, then you have grounds to contest the will. I would suggest consulting an attorney who will advise you of what can be done in your locality. I am sure your father would like for him to recover from his substance abuse issues, but doesn't know how to force or affect that change and wants to be sure he won't do without.

He COULD leave the money to a trust to be used SOLELY for addiction counselling, rehab, etc. Or perhaps a trust from which your brother's legitimate bills could be paid (ie. direct payment for rent or mortgage or elctricity, etc.) would work best. There are many ways that money COULD be put to good use to help your brother recover and not to enable him to continue slowly killing himself. Unfortunately, it is the very nature of addiction that a user will go through every penny for drugs before they concern themselves with mundane expenses like rent, clothing, food, etc.

Having an attorney brainstorm some compromises that you could present to your dad which would ensure that your brother has enough money for necessities but none accessible or available for drugs might give you some reasonable alternative solutions to present to your father.

It might also be helpful for someone who is experienced with addiction to speak with your father and advise him that leaving a large sum of money to an addict is nearly a guarantee that they will use it to kill themselves with excess. Having other people speak with your father about this issue might be more meaningful to him than hearing the same facts from you.

No matter what the outcome, TRY to remember and accept that is IS your father's right to do with the money he earned what he wishes and if it's enabling an addict, that IS his legal choice whether it's wise, moral or anything else. It's also your brother's choice to remain an addict or clean up. I totally sympathize with your concern, but these are things that are not under your control. You can TRY to help, you can present options and make suggestions, but ultimately, if your father wants to simply leave bro half and your brother wants to spend the money on drugs, that will be THEIR CHOICES and the consequences for those choices will be solely on their shoulders.

Hang in there and keep trying! I understand your anger and frustration and concern for all involved, but you can only do what you can do...
Many blessings for your concern!

Hi Mark, If you have hard proof of your brothers drug history, you just might want to look into contesting your dad's will on those grounds. Can't hurt to look. Good luck.

mar, i am sorry this is happening with your sib. by the way, welcome. it really hurts to see what your dad worked so hard for all his life go to such waste. i don't kknkow anything about contesting wills or anything but chances are it is something you will just have to turn your back on. it is too much to tolerate otherwise. i will talk to you late but it is way past my bedtime and i will fall aleep anytime now. i just wanted you to know you have been heard out here an that i have been thinking of you. im sorry for the loss of your dad. and i agree with an earlier staement. you don't know what you got till it's gone. see you soon.