about a month ago my grandmother got sick, she was hospitalized then went to a nursing home and now is back home. since i have experience in health care i got thrown into the position as grandmas livin care giver. when i agreed to do it my aunt and stuff agreed to help out and come to give me breaks. my mom is supportive i talk to her everyday about whats goin on and then my aunt will show up for like an hour or 2 to sit with grandma. i know my mom wishes she could help more but shes 2 hours away.
auntie is in total denial that there is anything wrong with grandma eventhough she refuses to shower, have her breathing treatments and now the newest wear her oxygen. after bring these things up all i get is shes 85 if she doesnt want her breathing treatment or oxygen on then we cant force her.
grandma has been getting mean twards me, she gets angry and tells me she can do things for herself which would be fine but she has a habit of leaving the stove on, i dont mind if she cooks while i am with in a distance i could put out a fire if that were to happen but she cooks while i am in the shower. grandma has been lying and hiding things, something she has never done. until she got sick she drove, when she got sick we took her keys from her the dr in the hospital said she isnt suppose to drive however no one told grandma this anyway she got out her spare set of keys and put them on her keyring today. i told my aunt and she thought it was cute. my aunt is only 10 years older than me but she just doesnt get it if grandma gets behind the wheel she could kill herself or someone else.

That is a very good tip about the keys, TORP. We were lucky that Mom agreed to quit driving when we asked her to, but it was because of macular degeneration. AND we promised her that we (she had a part time CG then and my bro and me and we still keep that promise) would take her everywhere she needed to go and at least some of the places she wanted to go. Now she would not be able to make it to the car.

Ymyers, They sometimes hear what they want to and memory is sometimes selective even without dementia. It is not unusual for some of our loved ones to recall little about a hospitalization or stay in rehab. It can be a terrifying and frustrating experience. Often their heads are full of their concerns and they simply don't pay attention or really don't understand what is said so they tune out. They don't believe they are going home and getting home is a sort of shock...an entry to a different way of living, not like really going home at all. It isn't easy to swallow that they respond with resentment to your best efforts to help them, but I think the resentment is aimed at the circumstances, and you are there so it lands on you.

About the stove... you can pull off the knobs, tell her you did it to clean the face. Then she can't turn it on unless you put them back. I am glad to hear that she is ambulatory even though that can cause other difficulties when dementia is present. I posted a link a while back about 3 D's, dementia, depression, delirium. Maybe denial should be a 4th, seperate D, closely related to depression but not. Sort of an alternative to depression.

I think it was secondchild (anyway, someone got this hardcore about the hygiene issue) who told her Dad his clothes stunk in order to get him to change and then wouldn't give him any to put back on until he bathed. I hope it doesn't come to that. I guess you have tried telling her that this is wash day and you want all the dirty clothes in the hamper by 10 am, or something. Hang in there. I wish auntie was a little more on the same page with you. Maybe tell her that you cannot continue to care for granny unless granny will change and bathe and the next time she granny sits, that will be her job or you will go back to your life and they can make other arrangements. I don't know what you gave up to move in and be a 24/7 CG, or how you are compensated, but you may have to put your foot down with mom, auntie, and who ever else is involved. A few hours here and there is really not enough support.

just realized that the part about the dr tellin her is alittle unclear
the dr did tell her however she doesnt remember anything from the day she was admited til the day she came home from the nursing home

I wonder if you could find a set of keys to another car but which appear identical for grandma to have on her keyring? It might give her comfort, but she wouldn't be able to start the car.

I don't know why in the world nobody, especially the doctor, told grandma that she shouldn't drive. You really need something in writing from him that you can show grandma when she forgets.