I have 5 generations of women in my family. I am in the middle. I grew up the first 8 years of my life with my Nana (and grandfather - now deceased). The next 7 years with my Mom (and Dad - now deceased), and another 2 years with my Aunt (my Mom's sister) and Uncle, who is also now deceased. My Nana is now 90 years old, as healthy as can be (physically and mentally), living in Assisted Living. She started off living with my Mom, when my grandfather passed away 5 years ago. My Mom 73 now and tried taking care of Nana for 3 years, but found it quite hard as my Nana didn't want to do anything...wouldn't wash her hair, etc. So Nana has now moved to Assisted Living where she has been for the past 2 years. They live in B.C. I live in Alberta. My mother is driving me crazy with her constant complaining about my Nana. The dynamics between them are quite interesting, but my mother doesn't see it. My mother has had many health issues, wherein my Nana is very healthy...just has a miserable attitude. She doesn't "play by the rules" Won't get out of bed...won't get dressed...won't go down to eat. My mom phones her constantly nagging her to get up and do the things they want her to do. My Nana says no. My nana was married to a very controlling man who put her down constantly and always told her what to do. I see this as Nana's first attempt in her entire life to exercise some power, and exercising it she is. The staff even had to change her bed with HER in it! When I heard that one, I laughed! I couldn't help it! While childish, my Nana is quite inventive in how to get out of doing things. My Mom doesn't it see it this way. She sees it as Nana being selfish towards my mother's feelings as this is causing my mother anxiety, of which she could have another heart attack over this (she had a heart attack when she was in her late 50's). I DO feel for my Mom though. I can't take my Nana in, as my husband and I work very long days, and our house has many stairs in it. Nana needs a walker. My opinion is I think Nana is just fine where she is, and my mom needs to relax and back off a bit. My mom waffles back and forth between saying that she wants to buy a place using my Nana's money, and then she will take care of Nana, although she remembers that all the issues she had when Nana was there would just return. The problem is, my mom calls me constantly to complain! It is relentless and getting very, very old. I have told my Mom I think she should find a support group of other caregivers where she lives, that might help her. I have told Mom that she needs to let the staff doe their jobs and there is no reason why she has to phone Nana several times a day, go over there every day and can't go away because Nana wants her to be around. It is about boundaries. My mom pushes my buttons so much, that I sometimes get mad and tell her off. Then I feel bad. My mom will phone me at work or at home and leave messages for me to call her...it is "important". Won't tell me what...just that it is important. I then call her back worried it is about Nana, and it is something so stupid it is ridiculous...like can I go on line and look up prices of something for an item that she isn't even sure if she wants! I just went out there for a week as my mother sounded very depressed and said she needed my "help". I went out there and spent 3 days cleaning her house!! This is the second year in a row I have done this. My mother is a terrible housekeeper, but she IS retired and quite able to do this herself. When I mentioned that maybe she should look into moving into a place where she can get assistance, she advised me that she COULD get a housekeeper due to her "health conditions" for free! I was stunned! After taking a very big breath, I suggested that perhaps she start doing that, and next year when I come out maybe I could have a relaxing time instead of cleaning her house! I'm rambling now. Enough of my tirade for now. Don't know if anyone out there can get the gyst of what I'm complaining about. Bottom line: any suggestions as to what I can do, to help my mother AND my grandmother, while at the same time saving my own sanity to deal with my other worries... a husband who has nothing to do with his own family, so really isn't supportive or even understands all of this, and my daughter and two grandkids who have their own life struggles. Whew!

Nana's Punkin girl, Wow and Ouch, good to meet you, Welcome to ECO. We have several members from Canada, but I don't remember anyone mentioning free housekeepers . That in itself might be incentive to move to the "land of snows". Get ready for the push north, here we come.

I really am not making lite of your problems, it ain't easy. Rant away and please let us know if house keepers are free for seniors in Canada, Here we come..

Sorry, that was not helpful. I tend to try to find things to laugh about, and believe me, I am not laughing at your problems, but am recommending a good laugh break whenever you can make the time.

I am surprised that your Nana is in an AL. Here (USA), no way an AL would keep someone who can't(won't) get out of bed. This is very interesting, and you have found a forum that will hear you.