Hi all,

So glad to have found this forum!
Been taking care of Mom since Dad died 6 years ago. With total of 5 children I was the one that took care of all financial affairs, getting her house marketable, selling it and moving to an Independent Retirement Apartment. She set me up as power of attorney and executor. She has taken a fall, broke her femur and in nursing home. Has other medical problems and she seems to be giving up. One sibling keeps saying I did it all wrong but too late now as far as finances. Between worrying about Mom and this other "nonsence" it is tearing me down. I do have another sibling that feels whatever I do is right but now totally mixed up. I'm praying that there won't be any ill feelings when all is said and done. I'm a very honest and sincere person and probably too sensitive to be executor but unfortunately that is where I'm at. This really wasn't any question but I suppose just a venting. Thanks for listening (reading).
Kimicoco

kimicoco, I found this place a bit more than a year ago. (actually, I have only been on line for 2 years, the people here have helped me beyond belief to navigate the net). It has helped me more than I can say. I have checked out other forums, and several problems have come to mind. They are either single issue, (fine, not a fault,)or there are alot of people who are trying to excuse themselves for not caring for the one who is not loved, (fine, they have their reasons). But here at ECO the emphasis is about how we do the best we can for the one we love regardless of the disease, the habitat, everything.

I am 56. Some here are in their 60's and 70's. Believe me, no one is more surprised than me that I am doing this. I will say that my bro does his part well. Ha!!, Mom can get him on a guilt trip fast, if she wants to. Just ask away, we don't have all the answers, But we are here for you.

I think this forum is the best thing that happened to me, too!

I'm 51 and still learning! I have been hanging around this place a while now.

I'm happy you came through our door and felt welcome!

Hey there,
You all are the best. After signing up yesterday my spirits have lifted and back to business as to what needs to be done. What really is hard is I'm seeing another side of certain siblings that I never knew existed. Kind of looking at them a bit differently and is very sad to me. So, if I get down again I will go back and re-read what you wrote and keep telling myself I'm doing the best I can, trying constantly to learn more and more and if they don't like what is done then do it yourself! Wow, I can't believe I actually wrote that because that is not my personality. I just want to do what is fair and to the best of my knowledge. And yes, I know there will be mistakes because this is all so new to me. Who would have thought at 58 I'd be going through this........I thought as you get older it gets easier. What really is crazy about this is after I got through all the life insurance policies for my Mom 6 years ago I told everyone I didn't want anything to do with being executor. Couple other were to and "coaxed" me into it.

In either case this forum is the best thing that has happened to me and it's THANKS TO ALL OF YOU

Gratefully,
Kimicoco

Hello folks!

I'm a newbie too-bie! Just joined today. So far I'm glad I've found this forum just to know that I'm not the only one going through this. (I really knew I wasn't, just hard to take a look on the outside when you're so consumed with everything else.)

My story is similar to Kimicoco's only I am caring for my father. Today, 4/15, has not been a good one. I think I'm finally just tired and wearing down after five very long months.

Hope to meet and chat with you all. And thanks for being here!

DJMay

Oh HECK, Mae - I got ahead of myself and I forgot the "punchline"... It was SPOZED to say:

"Yep, damned if ya do, and damned if you don't so do the best you can and tell anyone who doesn't like your decisions to take a number and wait in the other room, then quietly lock the door behind them."

I swear - IT'S CATCHING I TELL YA!!!

quote:

Welcome, kimicoco - Yep, damed if ya do, and damned if you don't so do the best you can and tell anyone who doesn't like your decisions to take a number and wait in the other room.

Moms Buddy, I like this .Wish I had thought of that to say.You are a fast thinker.Would not want to tangle with .

Welcome, kimicoco - Yep, damed if ya do, and damned if you don't so do the best you can and tell anyone who doesn't like your decisions to take a number and wait in the other room.

Hopefully, your sibs will behave, but if they don't do not hesitate to put them in their place. You will NOT do everything right and there WILL be times when others will disagree. That's just part of it, so don't let that get you down. If you are an honest and fair person, you will make the right decisions despite any squawking.

As DOCHKA so wisely said: your mom trusted you for a reason.

Glad you found your way here and I hope you'll keep us updated on how you and your mom are doing! Many blessings to you for your loving care!

quote:

Originally posted by DOCHKA:
Hi kimicoco,
It's common for siblings and all other people to say, "you should have done this, could have done that" AFTER the actual DOING.
Trust in yourself, obviously your mom did, and that speaks volumes!

Welcome!

Amen!

quote:

Hi kimicoco,
It's common for siblings and all other people to say, "you should have done this, could have done that" AFTER the actual DOING.
Trust in yourself, obviously your mom did, and that speaks volumes!

This phrase speaks volumes,

Hi kimicoco,
It's common for siblings and all other people to say, "you should have done this, could have done that" AFTER the actual DOING.
Trust in yourself, obviously your mom did, and that speaks volumes!

Welcome!

No, I'm not good with forums. Only St. Martin.
That is how this all started. Ken and I were in St. Martin and came home to find Mom in hospital. That was middle of March. Been on the run ever since. In fact, about to leave work to go be with Mom (my little girl). Thanks for everything.
Kimicoco

I don't know the St Martin forum, sorry if that is disappointing. I took my screen name from our adopted tailess cat. One of the kids is always involved with my screen names. There are many threads here. If you are an old hand with forums, the "find" block here is like search in some other places. Also, click the EC Online at the top left of the page. Select a channel to find specific articles. I hope we will be able to help you through this.

Hmmm, another Bobcat, I'll have to check that out.

WOW, Bobcat thanks a bunch.
Hoping I will find many answers on this forum and if not will be asking.
By the way, are you the same Bobcat on the St. Martin forum?
Thanks again,
Kimicoco

Kimicoco, Welcome to ECO. Everyone here is a caregiver, and we try to care for each other while we are at it. Venting is allowed. (Wow is it ever).


My Dad, had assigned my 2 Bros to be executors, but 10 years ago, he decided My oldest Bro was too "sensitive" and asked me to be the co-executor. It was probably a good call on his part, but having co-executors meant both had to be at every meeting requiring any signatures. I took the sign off route and left it all up to Bro. He is doing very well. I am lucky. All too many siblings breach the trust put on them.

It is a difficult position, but you were chosen for a reason. I hope you will find some confidence in that. Regardless of what one sibling may say about what you "should have done", that sib didn't step up to the plate and was not chosen. That should tell you everything you need to know. We all could have done better, different, etc. That is called second guessing. Just take your best shot and don't look back.

An executor just follows the law for probate and sets up a checking account for the estate for paying left over bills, and sees to the distribution of the remainder of the estate according to the will. There are very few decisions to be made at that point. You can take your time about it and cry privately when ever you need to. You will do it well, I am sure.

I am sorry your Mom seems depressed. Have you addressed this to her PCP? In the circumstances, depression is not unexpected and often treatable, sometimes with meds. It can make a real difference in how they deal with rehab.

Again, welcome here.