Hello,

My soon to be mother in law is in her late 60's and has always been careless about her money spending. After my fiances dad died she was giving away money left and right. She took reversed mortgages out, bought people cars, did really radical things. Now there are these "friends" that are constantly around. She is in "love" with one of them (he is forty and I've heard him comment about the money) and we feel they are leading her on for money even though they say they are not. His mom thinks we are trying to control her and says they are great people, etc.

Recently she had a stroke and she gave the guy she "loves" all the valuables to hold until she comes home. We were in shock she would so freely give someone thousands of dollars worth of valuables. We have heard from several people that this guy is in it for nothing more than the money and we should step in and get him out of her life.

I was wondering if theres any hope that we can convince her that they are not really there for her.

How said, when a person becomes so lonely and vunerable they cannot see the writting on the wall.It has too many times.
What does she believe will happen when there is no money to care for herself?When we see things through tinyed glass we only think of the moment.
Sad, a person needs someone so badly they loose all objectively.
Not me.With a relationship comes alot of responsibility.Too many head games etc.
I be darned if I would shell out hard earned money to anyone.
She may not realize she is giving much more then she will get.
I would tell her when the well runs dry what will she do as you will not foot her bills.
Her thinking is way off base.Why do women need a man to make their lives complete.I try to instill this in my grandaughters and then we see our elders making poor judgements in the same way.
Tell her to take off the blinders.I would bet she always needed a man in her life to feel complete.So sad.

Thanks for all your support. His moms fighting tooth and nail saying she'll never speak to us if he dissappears etc. She is so wrapped up in the relationships thats not even there. Its really sad to see. I'm really not sure if theres much we can do. Theres no way we can convince her he's conning her and its wearing us thin. The con is fighting back too, not leaving

Bobcat, I've been in your (current) place too many times to count. Travel, todoo, and more travel, and then back to the daily todoos.
No wonder our brains go on hold; surprised they don't go more often!
Anyway, it looks like the brother sees Christina's family's side of things and agrees that sumpthin's not quite right.
Christina, I hope he is the kind of person you can voice your concerns to, and together you can all find a gentle solution for your MIL.

MERRWID caught that. My brain seems to be on hold. OK, covered 900 miles in 2 days with a big todoo in the middle. I am bound to miss something. Thank you.

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Originally posted by Bobcat:

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My fiance is an only child

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His own brother wants this all to stop because "somethings not right" and he thinks my fiance should take over completely

I am confused,,, as usual.

hehehe i meant the guy who is conning her has a brother and he says somethings not right about what his brothers doing

Thanks MERRWID, I stay confused, but less so.

Bobcat: the fiance is the only child.
"His own brother" is the brother of the guy in MILs life.

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My fiance is an only child

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His own brother wants this all to stop because "somethings not right" and he thinks my fiance should take over completely

I am confused,,, as usual.

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His own brother wants this all to stop because "somethings not right" and he thinks my fiance should take over completely

I think therein lies your solution.

My fiance is an only child and after his dad died things went haywire, most likely because she was lonely and needed another companion to do things with. We tried to be there and give her advice but she rebelled and said she had it covered. We watched as she spent 300k from equity on her home. She trusted a man who said he'd make her rich from creating a nursery she bought him a "business" truck plus a lot of money for working when he was doing everything at a snails pace racking up hrs. Now she has very little money for herself and will be losing her house. The other guys gone but this new guy was a partner of his and has now stepped in. We are trying to be there as much as possible but its nerve wracking plus I am physically disabled and need to worry about myself too.

But everytime we ask her if she need something done she just says jeff will do it, because she wants him around as much as possible. His own brother wants this all to stop because "somethings not right" and he thinks my fiance should take over completely

Always, always trust your instincts!

Christina does your fiance have any other siblings?
If so does she trust any one of them more?

From what you have said so far taking out a reverse mortgage buying people cars "did really radical things" tells me something about your MIL...not only does this tell me she may be exhibiting classic signs of Dementia it also indicates she is lonely and needs human companionship, maybe she feels she is a burden to her son and she doesnt want to ask for help for fear he might say he's busy?
Honey I dont know how far y'all live from each other but the fastest way to put a halt to this is by showing up more often to your MIL's for a visit maybe with a bag of goodies, some groceries, a dinner for the 3 of you, some flowers etc. to break down this imaginary wall they have put up between the 2 of them (MIL and your fiance)
Sometimes the relationship between a mother and son can become difficult for many reasons this is where the great DIL's of the world teach their hunny's how to get back in touch with the concept of family, were real good at that ya know
I can be completely wrong about this some folks react to situations and it doesnt make sense to an outsider, this is a pretty basic reason for the distance between them but you have a much better insight to these 2 people you care for what do you think the reasoning is behind your MIL trusting this man and not her son?
You dont have to answer this I posed the question for you alone sometimes we have to put on the ole "Therapist hat" and mediate for our LO's

Thanks for your replies! This is a hard situation because she thinks this guys is good as gold! The guy however has beeen told we are watching and taking care of the house so hopefully he'll back off but on the phone there was 101 reasons why he should stay and help. I hate seeeing this happen. All I can do is be there and show we care but she's gonna be prretty upset if he leaves

christina, I am at a loss of what to tell you. On one hand, it is hers to do with as she pleases unless you are advised or are willing to prove she is incompitant. Not as easy as it sounds and can get very bitter. Perhaps this man has a record, or at leasts complaints for fraud against him. What evidence do these other people have? Even strong hearsay could raise suspicions. Please check with the police.

What does her son think needs to be and should be done? If she can hold a conversation without becoming upset, you might suggest a little test for her friends. If she tells them that the stroke means there is no money left after her care, she will see if they are still around or move on.

Really, this would be an excellent time for a full geriatric evaluation. Possibly the stroke is not the only issue she has. If you come up with a good way to protect her , I hope you will share. Perhaps a lawyer specializing in senior issues can tell you how best to proceed legally.

Im assuming if you are in shock at this behavior your MIL is presenting this is not normal for her.

My first thing would be to ask your fiance to speak with her PCP right away explain to him/her the situation to see if he/she feels your MIL is altered in any way or suffering from Dementia, if she is then please get confirmation from her doctor.
Call the non emergency line of your local PD and have someone come out to your home or go to your local station yourself (fiance) explain the situation to the nice officer and how you go about getting a restraining order on him against your MIL's new found "friend" its elderly abuse and is against the law if he is taking money/possessions from her while shes in an altered state.
To me this sounds like a predator and your MIL and your fiance need to take this seriously.
Many thanks to you for looking out for your soon to be MIL's best interests she may not be happy about the interference but thats ok cause at the end of the day you have a clear conscience, better to be safe than sorry

As to those other people *I like to refer to them as vultures* lemme tell you something I dont take kindly to anyone sniffing around like that, if you dont trust them then you let them know their on YOUR radar, if they so much as TOUCH one thing that doesnt belong to them and that includes your MIL's money they'll be seein the inside of the ole town slammer sooner rather than later
Get those hackles up baby and show um what your made of
Look out mama bear on da loose!