So happy to find this site - I am a solo caregiver for three people - my parents and my infant. I have 5 other siblings BUT as far as caregiving goes, I am alone. I am the youngest of all of them and it amazes me - even after all these years that I behave as if I am their mother. My dad was recently hospitalized and I am now running around taking care of everyone. One of my sisters visits in the evening several times a week - I usually stay with my dad all day until she comes. But the other sister - couldn't care less - all I get is how she has all this stuff going on in her life! She can actually sit there and complain about her aches and pains to my dad who just had major surgery!
I am so exhausted - and I miss my dad terribly -he is my rock and I need him at home.

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Four hours? What the heck kind of respite is that? That won't even provide a good night's sleep to someone who has been "on duty" for 24/7 for months.

I'm pretty sure that hospice respite is different. But nevertheless, if all medicare is providing is 4 hour increments, it's worthless to most people. Shame on them! Family caregivers save our medicare and medicaid system millions of dollars by providing free homes and nursing care. A stinking weekend here and there just shouldn't be too much to get in return.

Baby girl your preachin to the choir here you oughta know
And the sad thing is you know what they usually do instead of just going in a resting?
Yup you know it! They are right there elbow deep in doo doo with me....
Not for nothing I love all of them irregardless if they dont listen to me when I tell them to go take a nap or a hot bath thats a mark of a true compassionate caregiver
Now if we could just get our stinky ole fuddy duddy government to fork over some more hours like oh I dont know how bout 8 hours a day!
4 hour's Wass the matter with these idiots?!

Four hours? What the heck kind of respite is that? That won't even provide a good night's sleep to someone who has been "on duty" for 24/7 for months.

I'm pretty sure that hospice respite is different. But nevertheless, if all medicare is providing is 4 hour increments, it's worthless to most people. Shame on them! Family caregivers save our medicare and medicaid system millions of dollars by providing free homes and nursing care. A stinking weekend here and there just shouldn't be too much to get in return.

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Supposedly medicare is supposed to pay for a certain number of "respite" days every month. Unfortunately, I don't know anything about filing for it.

GM welcome sorry Im late in welcoming you but here I is
Just FYI in regards to "respite" yes there is respite days that Medicare does allot someone but this is when someone is under "Hospice Care" its a grand total of 24 hours and usually doled out in 4 hour increments so that the families of Hospice patients can get a break and refuel themselves I get a lot of those cases.
I would get a hold of a Medical Social worker they can better navigate these murky waters and maybe find something available for your FIL.
I am so very sorry these family members are so lack luster in their duties to their Patriarch.
Its a real shame how some people behave nowadays, please know I do sympathize with you GM I see this way too often that its sometimes very hard for me to keep a civil tongue in my mouth

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Originally posted by grandmallie:
thanks TORP
but no he is of sturdy breed, they popped it back in, gave him a sling and some pain meds and sent him home.
he needs help, but nobody wants to boom up

Supposedly medicare is supposed to pay for a certain number of "respite" days every month. Unfortunately, I don't know anything about filing for it. Maybe somebody else here knows.

Was he a war vet? There are threads here somewhere about going about getting assistance for care of elderly war vets from the VA.

I think what you need is a social worker who has experience with elder care. In my city there's a united way agency who has this service, i.e. finding obscure benefits for needy elders.

thanks TORP
but no he is of sturdy breed, they popped it back in, gave him a sling and some pain meds and sent him home.
he needs help, but nobody wants to boom up

Is he still in the hospital? If so, try to get the doctor to keep him the requisite "three midnights" then release him to a nursing home for rehab. This way medicare will pay for his stay in skilled nursing and he'll receive intensive physical therapy.

Ok her is our story,im glad there is somewhere we can come. my MIL has been in the hospital for the past 6 weeks, has had a multitude of problems,she is on permanent dialysis, and is being sent back to the nrsg home today, my FIL lives in the family home, isnt ingood shape,my BIL lives with him,but doesnt nothing for him,the main caregivers areus, (who live an hr away) and my FIL sister, and my ex sister in law,my FIL cant even scramble an egg my MIL fault, thats a whole other story.Either my DH or I go every day to take my FIL to the hospital to visit,he needs a wheelchair to get around there.my Aunt went to take him down yesterday, and he tripped down the front steps and dislocated his shoulder.Now my BIL was sleeping in the bedroom right behind where he fell, do you think he did a damn thing? NO
both my aunt and uncle are not young , they sat with him for 20 minutes before they took him down to the hospital, right now my FIl is down at his sisters house, somehow we have to figure out how to take care of him, Im going to call his Dr to see if he can go to the nrsg home just for the week.he can barely walk with his cane, now with his arm in a sling it takes 2 people to get him around and , I dont even want to think about bathroom issues,he has an enlarged prostate , so he has to go all the time anyway.
We are at our wits end, i have 2 BIL who dont do squat,my inlaws have nothing,and title 19 is the next step for my MIl becuase she will be in the nrsg home the rest of her life,its 112.40 every time she goes to dialysis 3 times a week,
Oh lord please keep us in your thoughts

Im the youngest too lol I can tell you MANY times I felt like kickin the c**p outta some sibling butt *and I did no joke* I shoulda never had brothers that taught me the right places to land a kick
Seriously though being the youngest we are stronger for it we had to stand up an be heard over the rumble. We had to fight for every little thing sometimes even fighting for respect.
Now iffin ya wanna whimper an bawl your eyes out thats cool, thats what we are here for too.
What?! Ya think I dont have pity parties here too? Oh baby please!

Girls how many times we have a pity party here?

dang u r making me feel proud! Thanks I guess ur right that things are not that simple but being the youngest one I sure would like to sit back and whimper about not being able to handle it - Just feels like I dont have that choice and when I see the happiness in my parents and babies eyes, I guess all the sleepless nights are worth it!

Welcome in Fayth glad you found us.
I can tell you many of us deal with siblings unable to help and there could be many reasons why they dont help one could be the most popular assumption that they just dont care.
Im of a mind its not that simple, I prefer to think its just the matter of they cant handle the job or the stresses that go along with it.
Some of us are stronger than the rest we can multi task deal with unbelievably hard decisions find answers when there are none and we do it willingly.
Sure we complain from time to time but when push comes to shove we are right there in the trenches with our hands in it since the whole thing began.
We are the few, the proud....Dang I feel all puffed up an proud right now!

I know this is tough and truly Im sorry your dad is ailing right now trust that he will get better and come home to y'all and give a little quarter to your sister I know she sounds like she is being insensitive but I have seen this many times its a coping thing some folks do especially if the person thats sick is the matriarch or patriarch of the family.
Some of the things I hear people say during these times doesnt really amaze me at all because Im actually listening to the tone of their voice or how they speak, it tells a lot to me on how they are really feeling inside....most times their scared