This will be a long post...partly to vent, partly to focus, and partly hoping someone can give me a little advice on the next step! I've written about my 57 yr old bro who lives with Mom, is not working more than a little part time, lives like a pig, doesn't help with anything unless directly asked by Mom, and Mom lets him live there rent-free, without obligations, gives him money, and defends him whenever the rest of us complain. Sure, she pities her son who just doesn't seem to have any luck fulfilling his "dreams", can't get a job in the particular field he's looking for (not that he's looked real hard), so can't afford to move out on his own.
Mom's on vacation, so the rest of my siblings and our spouses went unannounced to talk with this brother. He took one look at the group of us through the door and asked what did we want, so I said "we need to talk". He said "I have nothing to talk about", slammed the door and locked it. I have a key, so we just unlocked the door and went in anyway. We told him we were very unhappy about the way he has bummed off Mom, not helped, lied about all his promises of rent and so forth. He argued back that we were attacking him, had been attacking him ever since he arrived, that we didn't need to know about what he was doing, and even went to the extent of trying to divert us with complaints about our body language being defensive! He said he knew we wanted him out. We spent 1/2 hour telling him he's had 3 years to get his life together and he just needs to go. Finally I said to him if he wasn't going to move himself, then I would take action and of course he said "what? YOU are going to make me move?" I told him yes, I could. He asked if it was legal. I said yes, it's legal. Then I told him that was all we had to say, and I gathered the gang and we left.
It is apparant that I will have to use the
POA my mom has given me, since she won't take the action herself. I'm going to catch all kinds of grief from Mom for doing this, but I see no other option. Has anyone else had to do anything like this? I figure I have full power to act on Mom's behalf, whether or not she thinks it's on her behalf. Should I confer with a lawyer first, or just go ahead and call the cops to have him removed? I'm giving him a week or two to contemplate what we said, but by then Mom will be back. My heart is pounding, my stomach is a mess, and I wish this nightmare would end!

Daffy, I just want you to know that you aren't alone. I have a "bum brother" who lived with me for a couple of months until I kicked him out because he would not not apply for any jobs that I found for him.

Then he went to live in my elderly father's tiny apartment and slept on the couch for a year(!!) until he got approved for SSI. I got him approved, because I wrote so many letters and I took him to psychiatrists when he was living with me. He would lie to them, and I'd slip them notes about the truth - about his mental illness, his drug and alcohol addictions. I wrote letters to the Social Security Administration, too.

Well, I think my brother is better now and may be capable of work but he no longer wants to, at 50 years of age. He needs his daily booze. It's a good thing he gets his SSI, though, because it allowed him to move three states away from my father and to be independent. He is still a person who can't live alone very well; he lives up in the mountains or on a little, very old, boat, and he doesn't take his blood pressure medicine so he suffers mini strokes.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

Thank you all for your input! It's been a busy day for me today...I went to the doctor and am now taking an antidepressent, I went to my Mom's and photographed all the areas where my brother's "stuff" is piled up, including the places covered with bird poo from his parrot, (the photos should convince the lawyer that I've got reason for concern!) and called my Mom's lawyer and made an appointment. Now I've got to wait 2 weeks to see what can be done. Wish me luck!

Get a lawyer & do what needs to be done.ASAP!

DAFFY,
Not to discourage you on moving your bro out of mom's house, but I would, as Mae suggested, get some legal advice first. Had a friend in same position, and her brother was pretty smart., he got his mail there, lived there over a 5/6 month period, and in texas, they still, believe it or not, recognize squatter's rights. He, the brother, had a sworn,notarized statement drawn up at the reading of the mom's will, and he stated he was caretaker, and was on bank account, and yes, he walked away with everything. Please, please, check it out w/a legal elder attorney, then have a sibling meeting w/mom w/o your bro. I also learned that the POA is not any good, once Mom is gone. Only while she is living and you are handlng her affairs. When my Dad died, Mom has his POA, and vice/versa, but guess what, she went to sell a pices of property and her POA didnt hold a drop of water. She had to get something called Heirship Rights to sell...So check it out, where you live may be different, but Texas, well.....need I say more...

Daffy, I would strongly suggest that you consult with an eldercare attorney before taking ANY action to evict your brother. Because your mom would not want him evicted, this could be a sticky wicket... Evicting people is frequently NOT as easy as calling the cops and telling them you don't want someone there anymore... If the rights steps are not taken in the right order, you could end up being sued by him!!!

Hey - since your bro is having such a hard time finding employment, buy him a one-way train ticket to New Orleans. They need every kind of labor imaginable, are paying good wages and many employers are assisting employees with a place to stay until things get more settled. Who knows - he might be able to fullfill his dreams and help rebuild a city... it's the best chance he will have to start anew and become what he wants to be. Best of all - he would be outta your mom's house without the unpleasantness of eviction and the distress on your mom.

But, in case he is not up for ACTUALLY making any changes, do get some qualified legal advice before making any moves.