my brothers refused to follow up w/ councellors elder care lawyers...anyone. in fact they reacted with great resentment when i brought up the subject. i gave up years ago.
now we have enough cash for maybe two months care... after 7 years of not thinking about it. we may not be able to pay for care while we try to get her in a home. probably going to sign away the house.
so completely unneccesary. and in this urgent situation- what do they do? nothing. waiting for a crises, again. i hate them for this. right now, i'm glad my mom is too out of it to know.
i still think a nursing home is an awful option, but i don;t see another one. we don;t have the money. just the house.
i want to cry, i have cried.

gee there are other people out there like us too huh?
my MIL just passed away after 6 weeks in the hospital and nursing homes,my FIL is incapable of taking care of himself, and my BIL lives in the house,and he wont do a damn thing for him,we live an hr away and my DH would go after work and take my FIL to the hospital to visit,my BIL wouldnt take him down though he lives with him,he wont even talk to him,
Now the house is Quick claimed to my BIL he gets everything(nothing cept the house and a couple of old cars)alot of this is my MIL doing but thats another story.she had no POA ,no anything, so probate is going to be a mess,my FIL will probably last less than a year ,he will die of a broken heart, they were together for 60+ years, these past few days have been devestating.on my day off I go over make a few meals, do his meds, and laundry.
I dont know what the outcome will be,but we have to accept the things we cannot change

ec, PM me anytime, it won't give your e-mail addy to me like "other" places might.

quote:

Um sweetie WHO is restraining her??? You do know this is against the law right???

My mother was physically restrained when she was in the hospital awhile back. I walked onto the hospital ward, headed toward her room. I heard her bellowing from her room. Entering her room, I saw her sitting up in her hospital bed, bellowing at whatever she thought she was seeing, trying to reach for things on the bedside table to toss at 'it', but she could not reach anything to throw, as she was physically restrained by a harness type thing attached to her bed that went across her waist.

I immediately walked back out of her room to the nurses' station and asked them what's up with her. They explained that until the medicines kick in to get her under complete control, the doctor ordered her to be restrained.

Given what I saw my mother doing, and given what the nurses told me they observed my mother doing earlier that day - cursing and bellowing at persons only she sees (hallucinations), throwing objects at 'it', hitting 'it' ('it' being whatever she saw on the wall of her hospital room) - I understand the physical restraint orders.

I presume that with doctor's orders, such physical restraints are lawful. Without doctor's orders, that is another matter however. ec kostrubala

quote:

at least she was never restrained. but now she is at nights

Um sweetie WHO is restraining her??? You do know this is against the law right???
You can not physically restrain anyone, illness or no.
I hope to heck this is a misprint cause y'all could get into some serious legal trouble if this is found out.

Now onto the rest of this Go to your moms PCP (primary care physician) and request a Medical Social Worker to straighten out this mess they will look over any insurances she may have programs open to her situation and they can get the ball rolling with placement of her if this is what you want but first get the family that does carry the relevant documents POA and DPOA I dont care what you have to do to accomplish this just do it and ask them straight out cause this is no time to mince words Who wants to get the ball rolling? If no one steps up then relinquish the POA and DPOA to you.
Easy set up either go to an Eldercare lawyer or get a do it yourself kit *I did Suze Ormans will and trust kit legal in the US its a computer program easy to follow on Amazon.com*
call a Notary Public in and 2 witnesses to get it legalized this makes the POA & DPOA that exist null and void.
Banks will need you to do their own as well as SS administration but you need your own in order to get their done.
For the medical social worker get out any old employment insurances (your dads also) was he in the military? Was she? anything you think is pertinent. If she has no assets the next step will probably be Medicaid the process is easy it may take a month but it isnt like pulling teeth.
If you can swing it I suggest you bring her to your home if at all possible get a PT care giver to fill in the hours your not there if need be

My mom is late stage Alzheimers- very little awaeness occaisonally a nonsensicle word or sound- cannot walk or even sit up at this point- needs everything done for her. we have spent almost everything she has over the past 6 years paying out about 800$ a week off the books for an excellent FT caregiver. i think we have enough money for two more months. nursing homes (if they would take her) have 6 month waiting lists... selling a house in this market is not going to be easy. i looked at reverse mortages, but for a 300K house, (in NYC) it doesn;t seem we'd get the revenue stream we need.
my brother actually lived in the house till May... he had always said he would stay and he suddenly got married. i donlt blame him - but he's been calling the shots totally and he's the one whoput us where we are today by taking the easy way out. the caregivers have been freaking out stressed since he's gone. i am 30 miles away. the first few years she needed help spent a lot of time up there (it took a car accident to convince my bros to get her care ) with docs and such and settign up in home care 7-8 years ago i used to just work freelance because it took up so much time. i used to get a lot of grief- and no assistance or resolution from my family for just discussng the situation w/ them and once I had set up the situation, I have sort of just quiety withdrawn from discussing it w/ them in order to preserve any good feelings. my brother has POA , he probably doesnt know where it is, he has his name on all the accounts... i have an aunt that was always pushing and fighting who watched over the bills and now she wants out, isn;t giving me a clear idea of anything that is going on.. my POA brother just disappears and uses work as an excuse . he has a totally stable job / wife with a salary and months of paid time off due him, but he acts useess. me , my job is making cuts. not a good time for my business, and i have nothing saved, no one to lean on. i cannot put myself in a precarious financial situation again just because they are lazy and cheap. my Mom;s house is in such bad shape - never could get my brother to invest in any repairs or maintanence- he left his own aprtment a disgusting mess, ther are rats occasionally and mold and I swear I almost called welfare about it but my brother lived there too! but i know it was better than the AZ ward in most if the bronx nursing homes. at least she was never restrained. but now she is at nights. she doesn;t have much qualtiy of ife, the only good thing i did is finding her an amazing care giver- she has never had a sore, is still well fed and cared for. i need to call her clinic for advice now.
i'm just so upset they are stalling like this again. if they listened we would have the house clear now so we could put her in a small apt + pay for care there. i am still trying t figure out of that's an option. there is a small apt upstairs (but it;s nasty + lacks a stove ) but the house isn;t register w/ city as as a two bedroom.. so I donlt think it's legal to rent. but it's wasted space. i was thinking we could sell the house and trade for a tiny apt and pay for caregiving. i just don't think i can handle it on my own. i don't know if i can survive this with my sanity intact, not hate my bothers and keep my job. all that wa failing big time 7 years ago (i'm somehere on the old anger wall) and right now, it;s like it's happening all over again.[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

(((Beeb))) welcome in
Why dont you give us a little more background on this.
How close do you live to mom? What is her ailment? What exactly is happening to make this such a dire situation?
Maybe we can help you muddle through this by directing you through this mess...
Are you the main caregiver for Mom?

Beeb, I am so sorry to hear of this. Denial is nothing new in this work, put off what doesn't stink today and just wait until it does to do something. It is entirely possible that it would come to this anyway, but maybe it could have been handled better.

Can you tell us about your Mom's situation? We have a section called "the New Care Giver's Meeting Room" that we all keep an eye on for newbies introducing themselves and their LO.

Welcome to ECO,