before leaving for a few days to go see my brother get married, i switched out my grandmas car keys and gave the set that works to my aunt. well when i returned grandma told my mom and i how she drove all over town, so i checked out her keys i had marked them with a small red dot and, sure enough my aunt switched the keys back. i looked in her pill box and there were pills that she missed with doses and doses that she completely missed. i dont know what if anything my aunt did do for grandma while she was gone, other than make my life harder. grandma now thinks she can do everything drive and take her own pills, and gets very upset when i take the car to do things, when i try to give her, her pills i hear, i am not a baby i can do it myself.
with my aunt the way she is i honestly dont know how much longer i can take care of grandma with out going completely insane.

Auntie needs to know that if the doctor has said "Don't drive", and she allows her mother to drive, she may be held personally liable for damage done, depending on the state. This is not a joke. It isn't always about dementia, but about certain meds (well of course, if G'ma isn't taking them...) that may affect her, the doctor knows. also, if she is left in charge and doesn't see to the proper medication schedule, she could be found quilty of neglect. It has happened. People have been charged with felony neglect of their "patient" for not properly following the med schedule.

What does Auntie think your job is?

Ditto, MB and BG. You need to think about resigning if that's what is going on.

I am sorry I said that. I know you want whats best for your G'ma, but if auntie is going to sabatoge your best efforts and laugh off your concerns and doctor's orders, this is really going to get uncomfortable. Does she have a clue what it will cost to have to hire someone outside the family and what the risks will be? Clearly not.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

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consistency is the KEY to success and your aunt is undermining your efforts. Perhaps everyone would be better served (especially you!) if you moved to your own place and simply helped relieve your mom & aunt when they have to run errands.

Ditto to what MB said, Auntie is irresponsible and shouldnt be left to care for a pet rock.
If they can not and will not cooperate on the matter of Grans care...if I were in your shoes, Gran would be packed and at Aunties front door its only right her own daughter take care of her own mother...unless of course she is using you so she can live life without the burden of taking on her own mothers care.
If thats the case shame on her. ....eh thats too nice heres how I really feel about what they did to you

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i honestly dont know how much longer i can take care of grandma with out going completely insane.

This situation is pretty unfair to you. While people your age can and do make excellent caregivers, it robs them of time they need to spend with their own adult development. It is especially maddening to have others in charge of the business end of things and you are left with the drudge work. When someone takes care of a person with dementia symptoms, consistency is the KEY to success and your aunt is undermining your efforts. Perhaps everyone would be better served (especially you!) if you moved to your own place and simply helped relieve your mom & aunt when they have to run errands.