Yesterday was a red letter day for me. My brother called. Now that unto it's self is no big deal but what he had to say and our insuing conversation was. It was about our mother. Mom is 78 years old and lives alone in her own home as she has for many years now. Her health is ok but there are some issues. One of which I believe is early deminta. Mom still drives but not very far from home. I would NEVER get into her car with her driving. I insist that I drive. She is a big Sherry drinker but swears it is only a small glass before bed. (right!) The empty gallon bottles tell me otherwise. She's also no bigger then a whisper. 5'1" and weighs 90 lbs soaking wet. I got meals on wheels started for her awhile ago but she called and cancelled. Reason? She had to get up to early. (ok) She refused to wear the alert button to the system I had installed. (there is quite a set of stairs down to the laundry room and garage and she once (that I know of) fell down the last 3) Reason? The cat kept trying to play with it. (o-ke-do-ke) My brother once hired and paid for a woman to come in to clean once every two weeks but my mom ended up firing 3 out of 3. Reasons? One did not speak english very well, another was too young and the last was too old. (My goodness) On a really good day my mom is very difficult. Before my husband had his stroke I was pretty much able to take a deep breath and take care of things. I was at her house almost every day doing what needed to be done. Then, on that beautiful spring morning, my husband had a massive stroke at home. All bets were off and we were both thrown into a huge nightmare. After a stay at the hospital and rehab my sweet hubby was able to come home. He received tons of inhomes services for about 3 months. After he was discharged from PT and OT by the RN we were on our own.

Back to my mom. She felt like since we were settled in back at home that I was all set to pick up where I left off looking after her. But that was impossiable. Even though she lives only about 15 miles from us, I was now a 24/7 hands on caregiver! (still am) She just wasn't getting it. I was able to help her for a few hours a day about 2 days aweek. I spent a lot of time putting together quite a system of rescources for her some of which she still uses. When she is not mad at me and answers the phone when I call we chat almost every day. When she doesn't answer I call her neighbor who checks on her for me.

Back to my brother. Bro lives a plane flight away and has a family and business of his own. He is also DPOA and every other legal thing there is to be over mom. (bless his heart) Mom truly believes the sun rises and sets on bro and I am the mean and evil daughter. So be it. When it comes to me and bro, she has always felt this way. He is the baby by 13 months. No other siblings. Anyway, before his last visit this summer, I spoke to him on the phone and asked him to PLEASE spend lots of time with mom and really watch how she acts and behaves through out the day. I explained my concerns, again, but I guess this time he really did listen. He was here for about 10 days staying at the house with mom and I guess just about drove her nuts hanging around with her. My resourse system for mom had a 10 day respite. But he is still the golden child. Always will be.

Now to his phone call to me. To make this very long story a little shorter, bro now sees and understands that mom needs more help. She is alone far too much and needs something more to keep her healthy, well and safer. Just a few miles from moms home is a wonderful nursing home complex complete with independent living apartments. She can have her car there (ugh) as well as her cat. Mom use to work there many years ago and she always loved it. She is very luck that bro has been able to make some very wise investments for her (hence golden child) over the years and she can well afford a large independent living apartment and all that goes with this complex. He has also been discussing it all with mom. He said she is being reseptive to the idea. Heaven forbid she should talk to me about it. But no matter. Bro seems to be with the program and on top of things.

I am soooo happy about this for my mom. I have no doubt she will do very well with this. Bro is hoping she will agree to move before we are buried up to our armpits in snow. He will see to the house. It will not be sold so she can use it as a big 4 bedroom closet and go there whenever she wants. When it comes to moms money, bro did good. Real good. He is also looking into having mom checked for dementia.

As I reread all of this, looking for spelling errors, it all sounds so neat and tidy. I know better. There will be little bumps and big bumps but Mom will be the winner here. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!

Having one person to take care of can often be overwhelming -- more than that is beyond comprehension for me. I'm really relieved for you that bro stood up to be counted in. You need him!! YEA!!!!!!!

Mum, you have so much to take care of with your H. I think this situation with your Mom is going to be a blessing for all of you! You need to be with your H, and you won't have to worry if your Mom is being looked after! You can always pop in to see her, or take her out!

Good for your bro, you are all blessed to be able to work this out together, without dynamic personality conflicts!!!!

Thinking of you!!!!

quote:

I am soooo happy about this for my mom. I have no doubt she will do very well with this. Bro is hoping she will agree to move before we are buried up to our armpits in snow. He will see to the house. It will not be sold so she can use it as a big 4 bedroom closet and go there whenever she wants. When it comes to moms money, bro did good. Real good. He is also looking into having mom checked for dementia.

Jeeze Mumbo... I am so relieved that he was able to get your mom to move in where she can receive care. I don't know why parents who love their kids react differently to them, but it is true that it happens. I'm VERY glad your brother has taken the bull by the horns - given that he has DPOA over her affairs, he's the only one who could effect all the changes needed. Because of your responsibilities for your husband, taking care of your mom is simply not an option! How wonderful it is that he recognized that! He may be "the golden child," but it also sounds like he is a wise and loving brother too!
Sounds like a situation where {{{{{HUGS ALL AROUND}}}}} is appropriate!!

mum, i am so happy your brother is finally on board here. i hope he follows through with it while the lines of communication are open. it is a bright spot in what has been a very frustrating situation. good luck and keep us posted. the snow isn't far off so hopefully she will get pumped for the idea. pack her cat and go for a visit. good luck.and bless bro. it's amazing how timewith your lo can be very persuasive!

Mum I am so happy for you that this is all getting worked out to everyones satisfaction thank the stars above bro is now on the same page!
Like you though I will hold my breath theres a lil thing called "Murphy's Law" that I think we are all very well versed in
Ill be sending the good thoughts though hopefully Murphy is taking a vacation *you know I think he deserves one whatchoo think?!*