FTM's post about her sib visiting gave me the thought that how we cope with visiters in our/our LOs different situations might be a useful thread.
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5506016051/m/7671016395

http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5506016051/m/9941090495

Mom's problems are more vision and hearing loss but that in itself makes it easy to dismay, embarress, and confuse her. There have been 2 large gatherings at her house since I have been primary (I mean more than 30 people but mostly our normally well behaved family). One was her 90th B'day and the other was after her Sis's funeral. Both times before many came, I walked her through so that she could see how things were set up and then settled her in her recliner in her room after hiding all of her eldercare stuff and making her hospital bed look like a daybed/sofa. Mom had one of her other CGs hired for the day just for her so I could mingle. (I had to remind my sib, that the CG was NOT a caterer, was not there to fetch coats, serve coffee or wash dishes.)

People were allowed in in very small groups. I would introduce them, "Mom, you haven't seen cousin Lil in more than a year, isn't it great she came by, remember her two girls, Becky and Sue". They have been told to speak one at a time, because of the hearing aids. I could leave and if the CG saw that lost look in Mom's eye she would jump in and speak directly to Mom and catch her up on the conversation, simplified version. If Mom started to squirm, interview was over, toileting attended. If Mom started to nod off, take 10 minutes before the next group.

We have now reached a stage where she only has close family drop by once in a blue moon, or the minister. They know how to act and the CGs know whom to let in. She doesn't get agitated, but she does get exhausted so there is an informal time limit for guests. When she starts snoring its time to go. Don't expect refreshments, no one is gonna play hostess.

For many of you it is far more complicated, by your LOs situation, and the types of visiters you get. I hope you will post a discription of the difficulties and some solutions that have worked for you. If what you are doing is NOT working, maybe another member can help.

I moved this to family dynamics because it IS most often about family.-BC

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

Great posting BC
For my MIL because of the AD I keep it down to 2 visitors at a time she has no hearing issues so thats not a problem but voices must be kept calm, children are great but NOT when their running around carrying on so my first priority if there are children is to inform the parent to keep their children calm, only one at a time accompanied by the parent who doesnt mind keeping their child in check and not just allow the child to scoot around the room touching things (thats a no no in our home with MIL) she freaks out after the fact.
I learned to give the person a chair *boy am I put in a position of being a witch* not to touch her bedding or personal property otherwise she goes into a tizzy that will last for hours until I change her bed, pillow case, wash/sanitize whatever they touched.
Other people may not see this but I did because of the camera in her area, some people will never understand why we lay down certain rules and I certainly wasnt going to embarrass my MIL by allowing them to see her at her worst.
But then again MIL didnt know, I could have let myself off the hook by allowing them to see her on the video feed.
Never talk of money, personal problems, marriage/family issues, etc.
Keep the conversation light and happy.
Dont get frustrated when you have to keep answering the same question over and over...BTW this would be a key indicator the visit should be cut short with an "Ill be back in a few minutes I want to freshen up, get a cup of coffee".
There are tell tale signs our LO's are getting too much stimulation:
Fiddling with clothing, picking at something not there, rubbing themselves, scratching, cant sit still/looking uncomfortable, repeating themselves. You know your LO's looks and actions, if not, get familiar with them its for your LO's benefit as well as your own.
During the holidays (or even visits from people that you know will upset the balance) I would suggest if your LO's are on mood stabilizers like Ativan (generic is Lorazepam)to give them a dose a half hour before the visits commence it helps.

If your dealing with a LO with a compromised immune system make sure you ask that everyone entering your LO's area has washed their hands and used sanitizer before entering.
If they are sick forget it, no entry. Thats my rule in my home.