Something that has crossed my mind at times over the years of caring for my parents is what I will do when I get older if I should become physically and/or mentally impaired. I have no children to care for me, and my life partner is disabled and I am already her caregiver, so odds are I'll be on my own.

But if I weren't? If I had a child who I knew would care for me? If I felt myself slipping mentally, or had increasing physical challenges? What would I do?

I loved my parents with all my heart. As difficult as caring for them was, I would do it all over again I'm sure (though hopefully knowing what I know now to avoid making - ohhhh - about ten bazillion mistakes ). But I also feel like I would not want anyone to do the same for me. The reality is - I gave up a LOT to care for my parents. My joke is that someone owes me my thirties back. It is the way of caregiving - to sacrifice - but I don't think I"d want my child - or anyone else - to sacrifice so much for me, even if they knew exactly what they were getting into and wanted to.

But... to not do so would mean needing to move into assisted living and - eventually - needing nursing care. I have a lot of fears about NHs. I do not relish ever needing to be in one. Perhaps my fear would drive me to accept my loved ones offer of help.

It is pretty much a non-issue for me. Odds are high that I will be on my own and I damn well better stay healthy until I"m at least 100 cause I'll need to be able to work that long since my retirement fund is an empty box full of dust bunnies. I just wonder what others think.

Perhaps , for many, it is a non-issue because the realities of aging sneak up on us. We do not want to admit what that forgetfulness may mean. We do not want to believe that our physical ailments are reaching a point where we can't care for ourselves. Denial, after all, is alive and well in all of us, and who wants to face the loss of independence? We do not talk about such possibilities with our families long in advance of when we might need help, and when family does step in to help, it isn't always because the person needing it asked, it's because the family member realized there was a BIG problem and pushed the issue.

I hope, should I face dementia especially at some point in time, that I will recognize what is happening early enough to take steps to help myself before I'm in a crisis situation.

I can't be alone thinking about this. How can you care for loved ones and not wonder about your own future? Anyone care to share?

I, too, am facing this type of dilema. I just became representative payee for my 88 year old dh on the advice of a lawyer. It hurts to see each bit of independence that he gives up and I work so hard to keep things normal for him. But I know that is all coming to an end, probably within a year or two. Then I wonder how will I manage when I need some of the help I have given him, don't want to burden my family, and most of my family don't want to be burdened with me. lol I am slowly starting to examine the options. In the meantime, I just thank God for my wonderful dh and those of my family who are there when I need them.

Best movie ever. As the years have gone by, I get different things out of it. When I first saw it, I only understood why Harold hated his mother. Then I became his mother's age and realized I shared some traits with her. (That was upsetting. LOL.)

But Maude has to be one of the best characters to ever grace the silver screen. As a teen, I thought she did the wrong thing but as I approach her place in life, I understand her viewpoint much better. :-)

Op, that is one of my favorite all time movies. Ruth Gorden was so good in that role. I'll have to get back to this one.

I'm going to take care of things the way Maude did in Harold and Maude. (I apologize to anyone who finds that sinful, but that's my decision.)

Would it be way out of line to say Im scared to death?
Im right there with ya Mel. No kids and what family???
Their in their own lil world...
And like you I do hope I recognize when I start to falter, I think I will.
I mean after all the "training" we have had I dont think we need to be hit over the head with a sledge hammer to recognize the signs right?
Or is that the "Denial Train" comin around the bend?
Personally Id like to just "go" I really dont want to put someone through this ride and as far as retirement funds go....WTH is that?!
I live in stinky Cali land of high gas and groceries, taxed to death, and between moving 3 times and cg for 10 years I dont remember what a savings account looks like in fact I cant find the dang pass book no more!
I remember a while back MB said she had about 5 acres fenced in that we can "wander" around and about once a week somebunny's gonna be tossin a buncha groceries an hootch o'er the fencin so Im all for dat
Or you can come on over here Mel, Ill watch out fer ya we'll jess dead bolt the doors an party to the end