Anyone else had those feelings or is it just me?? My MIL and FIL lived in our yard (acreage) for 12 years, he passed away 2 years ago, she is still there. There are 7 kids in my husbands family, most live in another province. We have been their primary caregivers for longer than the 12 years. My MIL is 82 years old. My husband has a brain injury, sustained in 2004 and has difficulty coping. He has asked my MIL to move to town as it is just too much anymore for him. He (we)hauls all the water to her, takes her to multiple doctors/eye doctors/specialists appointments. At one time I was even making meals for them a week in advance. I feel very used. She has dug her heels in and has said that she has no intention of moving. The rest of the siblings with the exception of 1, are incensed that we want her to move and it has split the family horribly. So I'm trying to help my husband work through this stressful time and it doesn't look like it's going to change for a long looooong while. We even offered to buy her an apartment in a really nice senior's center, but the "living room window was too small". She went to BC for 3 months and has just come back about a month ago. I can see my husband going back into depression. Any suggestions???

Thanks for the chuckle, you don't know how much I needed that.

Yeah, I think that it will have to come down to my husband putting his foot down, not easy that confrontation with a brain injury tho.

Yeah, I'd love to tell all those idiots to go to H E double hockey sticks (as we say in Canada!). They definately know how I feel, when they were all here last December, I didn't hold anything back with the ungrateful arses...and once my good brother in law leaves for home tomorrow morning, I'm not doing zilch for her, nada, nothing, I don't like being selfish, but at this point it's more of a preservation mode I think....

I'm so glad I found this forum

Thanks for the words of encouragement. My husband has talked to his siblings, they are all mad at us now telling us that a move into town "would kill her". We are being painted as the bad ones with all of them but 1 brother, who has been a big support and trying to talk his mother into doing this. When this all came to a head last July, the youngest daughter told her mother that she would come and live with her to take care of her. Three months later she finally arrived, only to stay 4 weeks and go back to BC. She has been out once more since then for 3 weeks. I have been in this family for 27 years and to see how much this has split everyone is so sad. I've been painted as the bad one, because they don't believe anything is wrong with my husband, a brain injury isn't as obvious as a leg amp, etc. Some people's minds are so closed. My brother in law leaves for home tomorrow morning, and I'm dreading what's coming next...

I'm guessing she was with one of her other children during her three month stay in BC. I'd explore the possibility of that sibling taking her in permanently. Don't let them off the hook. Your family has spared them a lot of work over the last twelve years and health problems of your own make it perfectly reasonable to ask them to step up to the plate. I'd stress that when talking to them: "We'd like to continue to be her caregiver but with my husband struggling with his own health problems, we're afraid we can no longer give her the full attention she needs and deserves." And I agree with BG, too -- if he can, your husband should talk to both his mother and his siblings about the situation, and don't let the continuing the situation as it is be an option. There's no reason you should be the bad guy when you're just doing the best you can for all concerned.

Welcome in AR
Has anyone had these feelings??? You mean like you wanna yell till the cows come home an kick everyone out or disown extended family that gives a million suggestions but not once stepped up to the plate to handle anything?
Wondering why you have this permanent foot print on your a$$ everytime you try to do something nice and its thrown back in your face or the endless list of appt's you got and you wonder when the last time it was you got a hair cut or colored instead of hangin in a pigtail out the backayerhead or the last time you actually went shopping (or some inane task) without thinkin there was something you needed to get for them (inlaws)
You mean those kinda feelins???
Not for nothin babygirl but you came to Eldercare central home of guilt exasperation frustration anger etc etc etc.......
Now guilt is something we dont put up with but Ill tell you this we can commiserate with you on ANYTHING else!
Is there something you can do???
Uh yup!
Tell the rest of that lazy buncha family thats pissy with ya to go to H E double matchsticks cause they dont matter and Im pretty sure you wouldnt mind.
Second make a date of move out for MIL and uh let dear hubby say this one out loud to his mother (ya never want to have that come back an bite you in the butt let him be the bad guy) Im a wife of an only child and care for his mom so I KNOW what Im talkin bout there
And uh too bad if the picture winda on that joint is too small throw some curtains on each side of it to make it look bigger than it is (old interior designer trick ) drive MIL there on move in day with a picnic basket of her fav food an have a ball then run dont walk in case she changes her mind
Im kidding hun but let hunny stand up and call this one it is his mom not yours
Just one last sayin you may need to pull out in a pinch with hunny in case he stutters a lil
"If mama aint happy no one is"
there Ill letcha borrow that one