Hi, folks.

I'm new to the forum. I'm actually new to caregiving as the situation came about quite suddenly. My father had to have emergency heart surgery. That went well, but 12 hours later, he flatlined. The AMAZING staff in the ICU got his heart beating again, but Dad is now facing extensive physical and cognitive therapy. The short-term memory took the biggest hit. The therapists have encouraged us to repeat things as often as necessary. For a while I felt like a parrot on crystal meth, but the progress he's made has been amazing. Dad is expected to remain in in-patient rehab for the rest of this year.

So...I seek the wisdom of your experience. My biggest problem does not lie with Dad. My problem lies with almost everybody else outside of my family. I can no longer handle that "dreaded" question: How are you?? I cannot bring myself to say, "Fine," which is the answer everyone wants to hear. When I say, "I'm nervous," or "I'm exhausted," or "I'm trying to hold it together," the questioner is suddenly looking for an escape. I am benefitting from counseling, but I would really like for my friends to suck it up and hear me out. Am I asking too much? Seriously, I need to know. I don't want to bring the world down, but I want to feel that I can be honest about how I feel and that I can share my thoughts with someone who isn't being paid to listen to me.

You advice and suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks, Taylor.

Thanks for the welcome and your helpful words. You're right, DOCHKA. It's hard for most people to "get it." At first I thought I was just a lousy communicator. Then I realized that until I wound up in these circumstances, I probably wouldn't have been able to get it either. And I agree with you, Bunny's. I don't want to monopolize conversations or sound whiny. More than that, I don't want to portray myself as some kind of martyr. In fact, there are plenty of times when I don't want to even think about my dad's rehab, let alone talk about it. Still, once in a while, I find myself wondering, "Is there anybody out there?" I have actually developed a great relationship with Dad's roommate and his family. They terrific people -- and they GET IT because they are living it too. I landed on this site thanks to a few desperate Google searches for support. It has already proven to be very helpful. And yes, Bunny's, I will welcome that slap upside the head whenever I deserve it.

Hey there,Taylor,

Trust me on this: they wouldn't "GET IT" even if you decided to spill your feelings!

It's not really their fault, it just "is what it is" ! Someone needs to have experienced it, to really know and understand.

Besides I HATE that "Pity" look, we get, UGH!
I just say "I'm fine". If a friend truly wants to know, they will persist and coax it out of you! Or even better make a joke and make you laugh! Now those are the friends to have around.

Now HERE, oh boy do we "GET IT"!!!!!!!!
Come join the crowd!!!!!!

Hi Taylor welcome in glad to have you
Glad to hear your Dad is recovering nicely.
As for that other issue well Im of the mind if they are my friend as long as Im not repeating myself and making it all about me me me *hey I need some me me me time* and only venting once in a while I say if they dont like it then their not the friend I thought they were simple as that.
If their walking away from you well they just cant handle day to day reality or its a stock hello how are you doing question thats just meant to make conversation nothing more, answer with a just fine it was nice to see you and be on your way.
You've come to the right place for a little compassion, hand holding and hugs and an occasional smack across the head to get you outta the pity party we sometimes find ourselves wallowing in