Have been taking care of 88 year old mother every day in my own home since August 1 and before then off and on at her own home an hour away. As you all probably well know - it is overwheming and exhausting. Just wanting to log on to this board for some sharing and helpful insights. Looked it up tonight because I am taking mom home for one week tomorrow and she just made me feel so guilty about it but I need a reprieve. My older sister will watch her - although, not as "expertly" as I would! No kidding, that's how I feel. Sister will leave her unattended at night and probably show up for a few hours each day - not my round the clock which mother needs due to being blind and not as sharp as she should be. Oy Vey! Is that how you spell that?! Thanks for listening.

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Originally posted by youngest:
Have been taking care of 88 year old mother every day in my own home since August 1 and before then off and on at her own home an hour away. As you all probably well know - it is overwheming and exhausting. Just wanting to log on to this board for some sharing and helpful insights. Looked it up tonight because I am taking mom home for one week tomorrow and she just made me feel so guilty about it but I need a reprieve. My older sister will watch her - although, not as "expertly" as I would! No kidding, that's how I feel. Sister will leave her unattended at night and probably show up for a few hours each day - not my round the clock which mother needs due to being blind and not as sharp as she should be. Oy Vey! Is that how you spell that?! Thanks for listening.

These other folks are right. My mother can use guilt as a weapon and does. I feel guilty about everything, but that's emotional, not rational. If I rationally look at it, my mother would have been dead years ago if I hadn't taken care of her. While she complains about being bored, she enjoys life enough not to want to die just now. And I've saved her life numerous times. One time I even did the Heimlich Maneuver because she was choking. Okay, she practically had to tell me how to do it, but it eventually worked. She has finally begun to tell people how good I am to her. At first, she just complained, but her entire life was taken away when I moved her down here. She had lived in the same small town for about 35 or 40 years, and she had to move away. So at first, parents complain because their life has changed and change is very difficult for older people. Eventually, they settle in and recognize the good things. Of course, I break my neck to make sure mother is as happy as possible. I feed the birds who make a hell of a mess of my deck, but mother loves the birds and so I just sweep up the seed hulls and hose down the deck. Then I call the guy who does the garden and he comes and fixes all the holes the dogs have dug, so we can both enjoy it. I think you are at the worst stage right now, but things will improve as you and your parents learn to adjust. Of course, you may never again have control of the TV remote. I haven't gotten to watch my channels on TV for years. But I have a computer so who cares? If the first part of caring for your parents doesn't kill you, you may live a long time. Horrors!

Youngest, the using of guilt is and will continue to be good ammunition from the afflicted.The only way this can affect you is , if, you are not sure of your self.You know the care she gets will be good.You need to get away from the situation and enjoy something positive.Do it and do not look back and let your mind be with the outing.If I had the chance to leave for a outing I would have been packed yesterday.There will never be the best time, at least in our minds.Be spontaneous and just do it.Do not look for complications that are not there.

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I am working a full time job as a school counselor and getting ready to take 15 fourth and fifth graders on a weekend leadership camp

HOLY MOLEY!!! All this and dat TOO?!!! God Bless you, dear!!!

Gypsy, so wonderful to see you, Janie and the others posting.You always had so much to contrinute to the forum family

I hope you planned a break when you get home from the camp Have you done the camp with this age students before???Is it camping in tent or cabins? I did both when I was teaching. At least with cabins if you get wind, rain, rain the kids(and you) can stay dry. Have fun. So glad it is working out with your sister. Gypsy

Java Junkie and Mom's Buddy - thank you for validating my feelings that's it was okay to get a break. And you know what - my sister has been so attentive to my mom (of course, it's just been a few days - but still - she has been wonderful and staying the nights). I think my sister must have seen how much help mom needs. My mother is also loving being home in her own home that's she's lived in since 1973 - especially being blind -because she knows where everything is. (She just went bling in 2003). It's all working out and I didn't feel guilty after hearing how much fun my sister and mom were having. And me, I am working a full time job as a school counselor and getting ready to take 15 fourth and fifth graders on a weekend leadership camp (thus the needing of a break before I went). Even so, I am feeling a sense of relief in the evenings when I am headed home and feel so good that I stuck to my guns about taking mom home this week. Thanks again for your insights, this is a wonderful resource. I believe Java Junkie that I have read some of your poems on another thread and they were especially beautiful. Thank you Buddie and Java.

Youngest, you are wise to "know when to say when." I know you will worry, but try to give yourself the break you deserve and need. Maybe your sister will see, when she cares for your mom, that your mom needs more than just a few hours... Sometimes, just having the load on one's shoulders helps them see all the little things that are not apparent when they watch someone else do the caregiving.
I hope you have a restful, renewing week! You've earned it!!

Youngest, Its good you know your limits, and it is good that you asked for some help. Most of our seniors as experts at producing guilt, so let that roll off your back as best you can.

I'm worried that you are going to be worried about your sister not properly being taken care of, though, and so it won't feel like much of a vacation for you! What safety measures have been put into place when your sister won't be there? Is she safe unsupervised? Can you get someone else to care for her, when she is not, or does she have an emergency alert system? The key is for YOU to get your break, AND your mom to be safe.

WHAT YOU GONNA DO???? I'M EXCITED FOR YOU! Once you are reasonably sure mom will be safe, you just have fun, girl!!!! (I say reasonably safe, because in one sense, we all do what we can to make sure they are safe, and then we say a prayer or cross our fingers.)