I'M SO GLAD I'VE FOUND THIS SITE..I'M THE SOLE CARETAKER OF MY 82YR OLD MOTHER AND HAD BOTH MY PARENTS UNTIL 2001, WHEN MY DAD PASSED AWAY. ALL TOGETHER I'VE HAD THEM BOTH SINCE 1999. I JUST CANT AND WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY, WHEN YOU NEED YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, (5 siblings).JUST ABOUT EVERYONE, SEEMS TO JUST DISAPPEAR. THEY CALL FOR AWHILE, BUT THEN WHEN THEY FIND OUT THAT MY MOM, WHO HAD SO MANY FRIENDS, WAS SO ACTIVE, COULD GO/DO ANYTHING SHE WANTED TOO, WELL, NOW THAT SHE IS CONFINED IN AN ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR, HAS TO TAKE A WALKER EVERYWHERE WE GO,ETC. YOU WOULD THINK SHE HAD A CONTAGEIOUS DISEASE OR SOMETHING. OLD AGE ISNT CATCHING AS FAR AS I KNOW, BUT IT MIGHT AS WELL BE. AND SINCE ALL THE SIBLINGS HAVE JOBS, FAMILIES, ETC. WELL I TOOK THEM IN...I DON'T REGRET THAT DECISION BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BLESSED WITH MANY HAPPY TIMES W/MOM. THE HARDEST PART FOR ME IS I WASNT EVEN IN MY 50'S WHEN I MOVED THEM IN AND NOW THE TIME HAS PUT ME AT ALMOST 60 SO MAYBE OLD AGE IS CATCHING. I HAVE THE DAYS OF COMPLETE AND TOTAL ISOLATION JUST WATCHING HER SITTING IN HER RECLINER AND SLEEPING. SHE JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO W/A DIAGNOSIS OF ATRIAL FIBRBLLATION SO NOW THINGS ARE GOING TO BE EVEN MORE CONFINING FOR ME. LIKE TODAY I TOLD HER I NEED TO GO TO THE STORE AND SHE GRABBED MY SHIRTAIL LIKE A 5YR. OLD AND SAID DONT GO NOW, MY HEART FEELS FUNNY. SO, SINCE SHE HAS BEEN OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, TWO WEEKS AGO THIS PAST SAT., I'VE BEEN OUT OF THE HOUSE 2/3 DAYS, AND THEN JUST LONG ENOUGH TO P.U MEDICATION, GROCERIES. AMD DP BAMLOMG/ SO, YOU SEE, MY FRIENDS, I'M SO GLAD I FOUND THIBSITE TOTALLY BE ACCIDENT, BUT I BELIEVE BY THE GRACE OF GOD. I WOULDNT EVEN CARE IF ANYONE REPLIED, AT LEAST I'VE GOT A PLACE TO VENT AND SPEAK W/GOOD PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE SAME HEART FELT SHOES I WALK IN, AND SOME EVEN WORSE. SO I SHALL HAVE MANY MORE PRAYERS TO UPLIFT TONITE. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE, PRAY FOR GOD TO KEEP GIVING ME THE DAILY STRENTH TO EVEN GET UP EACH MORNING. I HAVE NO HOME HEALTH ASSISTANCE, NO AIDS, ANYTHING. I KNOW MY DAD HAD THEM, BUT HE ALSO HAD A DIFFERENT DOCTOR THAN MOTHER, SO I AM BEGINNING TO THINK HER DR. DOESNT BELIEVE IN IT. JUST CANT UNDERSTAN, SINCE I'VE ASKED SEVERAL TIMES. AGAIN THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AND HOPEFULLY I'VE FOUND A NEW GROUP OF FRIENDS.
PRAYERS TO ALL, BECKABECKY

quote:

Once in a while I come to realize that THIS is life. Perhaps what I am doing now is what the purpose of my life was always meant to be. It may not have been exactly what I planned, but then, a lot of life has not been exactly what I planned.

Amen!!!

Raine, there will always be the high points and the low points. Never feel guilty by the low ones, it is simply being human. Most of us used to be able to come and go as we pleased, and now we don't get to do that. As for me, I just have to keep reminding myself how much I know my mom would love to come and go as she pleased, too, and now physically and mentally can't. She hates being dependent even more than I hate my loss of independence. I'm glad you have a brother who can at least run some errands. (would you mind sharing him?) I've begged for even that much help and it is like pulling teeth. I'm sorry you feel like life is passing you by, I've had that feeling many times and fully understand it. Once in a while I come to realize that THIS is life. Perhaps what I am doing now is what the purpose of my life was always meant to be. It may not have been exactly what I planned, but then, a lot of life has not been exactly what I planned. I'm not sure what greater good there is in the world than loving, and caring for, someone. There are good days and bad. Laughter and tears. Gratefulness and pity parties. It is all a part of what we do. But, if not us, then who?

Hiya Raine!! Sorry I missed you in this thread! I SOOOO understand what you were feeling... I think of it as rattling the bars of my cage I still feel that way sometimes, but I try to redirect my energy elsewhere (artwork, etc.) and remember that I am living a different lifestyle than I am used to... Every time in life has its merits, so I try to focus on some of those, especially when I feel down. For one thing, I do not have to wear panty hose at this job!!! ... a HUGE plus... Make-up is highly optional... No dress shoes and heels... I don't have to justify my existance to a boss (unless one means THE Boss upstairs...

I am glad you are feeling better! I hope you come back often - whether it's good times or bad, we're here.

Raine, what you were feeling and shared, is what we have this forum for.A place to come to share feelings , ideas and informative information.I say we climb the mountain, reach the top and find another mountain to climb.If you did not have these fallings, you would be considered super woman.WHO WANTS TO BE SUPER WOMAN OR MAN???????????

THANKS Janie and May, guess when I wrote that I was in the midst of feeling very sorry for myself, having a 'pit party'. It's been a difficult adjustment from coming and going when you want and doing as you please to the care of another person 24/7. I'm single and don't have children so caregiving is not something I am experienced with. Sometimes I just get scared that I can't do it properly My brother is very good at helping and right now it is taking the both of us to do because my father along with dementia is severly hard of hearing and I am the only one who he understands. My brother runs errands etc. while I hold things down here. Low points come and go, I'm in a bit better frame of mind than I was when I first posted...thanks for being here.

Raine

Rainee, I believe everyone who began this jouney experience the same feelings.What is sad is that the one affliced and the caregiver become victims of these diseases.It is so difficult to not to be able to be spontaneous.Go when you want and where you want.iMAGINE THE PERSON WHO WAS ABLE TO DO AS WE WOULD LIKE AND IS UNABLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN STRICKEN BY SOME ILLNESS.I hope you can find a way to have time to do things that being you happiness .

quote:

Originally posted by Raine:
I'm used to coming and going as I please and now feel like I am serving a jail term. I see life just passing me by. I'm trying to make the best of it since I'm stuck here at home by working on hobbies and catching up on my reading.

Raine, honey ..... could you tell us a little more about your situation? It is heartbreaking to hear you say you see your life just passing you by. Why have you chosen this for yourself? Did you work previous to careing for your father? What is it that your brother is doing to help out?

Janie

I'm new here too. I just started taking care of my father who is 86 and is in the early stages of dementia. I have a brother who helps but all the rest of the family is dead and friends have fallen by the wayside. I'm used to coming and going as I please and now feel like I am serving a jail term. I see life just passing me by. I'm trying to make the best of it since I'm stuck here at home by working on hobbies and catching up on my reading.

welcome to the site. i have the same feelings of isolation as you all are describing. i have to say, though, that some of it is just because of my feelings rather than my friends actually dropping us. i feel isolated because none of my friends are going through this experience or will go through it probably. my friends have all indicated that they will never have a parent live with them. i don't want to share with them because it is such a depressing subject with no good ending possible really. i also agree with you, jo anna, about the having no time to do stuff with my friends. i'm not even sure where the time goes. it's not that i'm always with my dad at this point. he is still ok enough to sit by himself in his apartment. it's just that i'm so often doing stuff for him -- taking care of his bills, his medical stuff, his organizational stuff, etc. i also agree with you mom's buddy about not really wanting company at my house. i have dangerous roving bands of dust bunnies that i wouldn't want to share with my closest friends.

this place is one coping mechanism for me. i come here and read and just knowing that you all have the same experiences helps. i can't go to a local support group because they all meet when i'm at work. i'd like to do yoga, but finding the time is again the issue.

good luck becky!

Jo Anna and Beverly, welcome to this wonderful site. I wish friends(and family) would be more supportive-even if it is just a phone call or visiting for a quick coffee. You sure find out who the true friends are-there aren't as many as we think.I hope you will come back often-there are a great bunch of very understanding people around here. Hugs and prayers to you and your LO's. Gypsy

WELCOME, Beverly!! So glad you found us!! I can validate everything you have said about the isolation, evaporating friends, etc. It does not bother me too much, cause I am a loner anyway, but it kinda aggravates me when I DO go out into the world and everyone just gushes and promises to come by and see us, blah, blah. They never do and actually, that's fine with me - my home is no longer "visitor friendly" in terms of neatness and cleanliness and I feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed when folks do visit 'cause I have a monumental cleanup to do along with the normal daily tasks.

I realize that there isn't much folks could do and that this is a task no one really wants to think about much...

If your mom would benefit from home health and her doctor will not order it, perhaps its time to shop for a new doc who is more cooperative with home caregivers.

Hang in there, sweetie, and have a great weekend!!

Beverly, I'm glad you found this site too. I am fairly new here and have recieved lots of advice from the other people here. I know how you feel about friends and family disappearing. Before grandma moved in we had dinner once a month with my hubby's sis, and I was very active in my kids school and thought I had lots of friends. I know losing friends has been my fault too though, I have no time to go to lunch, or the pool, etc... My girls have had to drop their activities too. I do have a nurse that comes that we pay privately for 2 days a week, but that time always gets eat up with shopping and taking the girls for some swimming or a movie or something. I wish you the best of luck with your mother.