FROM THE NATIONAL FAMILY CAREGIVERS ASSOCIATION

10 T I P S F O R
F A M I L Y
C A R E G I V E R S

1 Caregiving is a job and respite is
your earned right. Reward yourself
with respite breaks often.

2 Watch out for signs of depression,
and don’t delay in getting professional
help when you need it.

3 When people offer to help, accept
the offer and suggest specific things
that they can do.

4 Educate yourself about your loved
one’s condition and how to communicate
effectively with doctors.

5 There’s a difference between caring
and doing. Be open to technologies
and ideas that promote your loved
one’s health.

6 Trust your instincts. Most of the
time they’ll lead you in the right
direction.

7 Caregivers often do a lot of lifting,
pushing, and pulling. Be good to your
back.

8 Grieve for your losses, and then
allow yourself to dream new dreams.

9 Seek support from other caregivers.
There is great strength in knowing you
are not alone.

10 Stand up for your rights as a caregiver.

Bobcat, not easy to try to make two people , we love, happy.What husband and wife need to be able to do is sit down and listen to one another before things come to a head.
Your hubby probably was very tired after being on the road.That is not a good time to have serious talks.We know how the mate feels as we have the same emotions.Many days we wish we had time for ourselves.To do what we want when we want.
Caregivers are torn in so many directions because their responsiblities are many.The list is never ending.
What is hard is we know we are lacking in some areas but what can one do.
I am sorry you had to hear this in such a way it digs deep into your heart.Words can be so pierceing .I am sure once hubby gets rested and you and he have that special moment for your selves he will be ok.
Not easy to try to make all our loved ones content.Many times forgetting our own needs.

Somewhere in here can we add... Do not neglect your own family. I am in a bit of mud now,,,,H feels like he is left on the back burner, and it is probably true. He works in transportation of freight, and is gone 36- 72 hours at a time and home anywhere from 36- 72 hours at a time. Who knows? Since I can't predict when he will be home, I try to keep aschedule with Mom. I got blasted tonight by Hub, and it was mostly true... and I understand the stress of HIS job. still,,,, I need to do a lot of breathing. deep, ,,in,,,out...

Make time for your spouse...I am making excuses about our schedules, but that isn't cutting it.

Docka, These are great tips to keep where you can look at them each day.I can attest that all do apply

Just bringing these tips up again.
Be good to yourselves my friends !!!

Dear Cheri,
Actually we are all new to this because with this illness it can be something new happening everyday! My #1 is the hardest for me, RESPITE IS MY EARNED RIGHT, I should paint it on a board and whack myself with it when I don't listen to this advise! HA-HA

To Dochka:

Thank you SO much for posting this. I really needed to read this today. I'm new here and relatively new to dealing with Alzheimer's. My husband was diagnosed this past March. I've printed out what you shared with us and taped it to the hutch on my computer table. It's going to become my "Mantra" and "first thing in the morning" reading. Again, thank you so much!!!

Cheri B
BC - Canada

Edwina, everything you went through to care for your Mom was absolutely necessary, but it was not normal. Bless your friend for taking you out to lunch.

wow this is so foreign to me, to actually accept someones help. dumb i know...
but i am so used to going ahead and getting stuff done,
that now i REALLY MAKE myself accept any kind of help- no matter how small it is.
since moms passing, a lady took me to lunch yesterday and i kept thinking that,'' surely there must be something i should be doing, instead of just sitting here enjoying myself...''..
it didnt feel ''normal''..

Good tips DOCKA, My New Years Resolution (and I hadn't made any in a long time) was

If someone asks "can I help you with that?" I was going to answer" yes, thank you so much." It takes practice to break a life long habit of saying "oh, thanks so much, but I got it."

My cousin ended up needing surgery on her back while caring for her Mom in her home. Scared the reality into me. Her Mom has been gone for 1 1/2 years, but her back still isn't right and is not the type of memory of her time with her Mom that she had hoped for.

Standing up for my rights? I recon you mean in a legal sense, BUT, now when Bro stops by to see what needs doing, I treat Him as if he's making his own "to do" list, and say "yep, I guess you need to see to that, I'll help if I can." I think now from his response, that that was always how he meant it, but I would get defensive, about why it hadn't been done, or what ever. This is so much better. I might pick a thing or two on the list that is easily worked in for me, but He leaves with the list, and I forget about it.

Thanks Dochka, there are a few other tips here for me to work on.