My dh has been officially diagnosed with dementia and I am trying to learn how to take care of myself while taking care of him. Some days are so bad I want to run away. I am reading the 36 Hour Day and have more understanding of what is going on. But it is so hard to be losing him while he is here. I know I need to get some relief from caregiving, but haven't quite figured out how. I do leave him for short periods for coffee with my daughter, but sometimes that is not enough. I do escape to my office which is a shambles right now as we have just moved from a mobile home (high rent) to a small two bedroom apartment (reasonable rent, utilities included), ground floor, no stairs. So that is a big help as he is now walking with a cane. I feel as if I haven't done anything for pure fun for so long I don't know what it is anymore. I am unsure just how long I can leave him alone, certainly not for several hours. He admitted that he gets anxious if I am out of his sight. We have another doctor's appointment mid-June and then I will see about exploring resources for some help to relieve me a bit. I know he will object very strongly to any kind of "visitor" while I am out. There is a senior center here but I know he wouldn't go there and no kind of an elderly day care center. The best I could do, maybe, is have him admitted to the nursing home temporarily while I went to Portland, Oregon for a week to visit. But I don't know what I would find when I got back, and he would have to be forcibly taken there. Maybe I can just crawl under a rock once in a while.

I love this man so much, and will do whatever it takes.

Thank you all for your kind suggestions. Dr did a CT scan which was negative, so will just wait for our next appointment the 17th of June.
I did find a senior companion group which goes out to elderly and handicapped persons homes. I will call them when I am out to coffee with my daughter in a couple of days.

Right now we are having good days. He is feeling better physically and getting out to breakfast and shopping. I will take him out to a nearby park with a lake and waterfowl as soon as the weather is really nice, he said he would enjoy that. We drove around town this morning on errands and he said he really enjoyed just riding around. So we came home happy.

farmgirl, just a thought, if things are topsy turvy already, wouldn't it be the ideal time to try to bring in some one? even just for a few hours? I am thinking, why not once, rather than two or three times. Yes, he probably will object. That's to be expected, but like Merrwid says, it is important to acclimate him to other people in the home. You must shop, get out, tend to stuff. It won't be easier in a month. Yes you love him. That is not in doubt. To care for him, you must survive or he will be alone.

Please, you and your daughter check into services that are available. Take advantage of it all.

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My dh has been officially diagnosed with dementia

Farmgirl I am sorry about this but have to ask if the Dr. said what was causing the dementia. There are several possible causes and some of them can be treated. Also I think there are different behavours involved. I know you need help BUT have you tried explaining that to HIM. Maybe he would go to a senior center if there was something that interested him. Is he ready for a nursing home or is there some other respite care available that isn't so hospital like and probably boring to him.
I know it was a differest situation but I found that keeping Mike busy really helped him. He couldn't do much and had no attention span-but he enjoyed helping -watering the garden, throwing the ball for the dog, planting bulbs in pots, earlier he used to help cut veg for stew-a little difficult as he could only use one hand but also less chance of cutting himself. Holding things for me-eg when I was picking fruit. He loved to go for drives esp. to local farms. Think one of the secrets for all of us as we grow older is to keep busy. I am having to remind myself of that now that I'm not caregiving.I can't remember how old your hubby is but Mike was 78(he was 67 when he had the stroke. I am 11 years younger.

Thank you so much MERRWID for your suggestions.

Since we are on limited income, hiring someone for more than a couple of hours is out of the question. Dh is able to stay alone for a couple of hours now as long as he has his TV, books, and his jug of water. I will consult with his doctor about someone coming in from time to time, and also work with social services. There is an organization here that works with handicapped people in their homes, my daughter knows about that and will ask her at coffee next week. Right now I don't want to make changes or bring in people as it would upset him. I am focusing on keeping things as much routine as possible. He is able to go out for breakfast and enjoys talking with the waitresses who consider him their favorite customer.

I need to get the apartment settled as quickly as I can and then begin long-term planning. As long as he is functioning as well as he is now I feel I have a little time before things get worse.

Farmgirl, do you have enough money to hire a "housekeeper'?
You didn't say which stage your husband was in, but as he is still walking and talking with some sense, it may be early to mid. The 'clingyness' is common. Because of your recent move, the area is not familiar to him - even if you moved all or most of your furniture, accessories and clothes, everything is new. (Sorry, I have to put this this way)
You are the only thing that he knows in his surroundings, and he doesn't want to have you disappear like the place he used to know.
So, back to the "housekeeper" thing. This could be at least a 4 hour break for you at this time. You could have someone in 1/1 day a week to clean the place, and as long as someone is there, you're just going to pop out for a while and get some shopping done, or some such.
No need to tell DH that the housekeeper is really there to keep an eye on him. Or perhaps 2 or 3 hours a day twice a week. Anything to get him used to another person in the house.
Perhaps she can be a new friend - you can have a nice chat in the kitchen for a time or two, and then ask if the friend would stay for a half hour or so - you're out of milk. (But don't be gone too long the first time - and bring home milk!) See what I'm getting at here? My 'housekeeper" came in for short periods during the week - just long enough to dust, or vacuum, or clean bathrooms a couple of times a week. Never cleaned the entire house at once. She fixed lunch, too. At first.
As Don's dementia progressed, her hours became longer and she came more days, until she was there from the time I left for work until the time I got home. By that time, she was very well known to him, and he wasn't so clingy or afraid when I left for the day. Bless her heart, she even stayed 24/7 for the 5 days I was gone for my uncle's funeral. Then SHE was ready for a vacation!
I'm sending you hugs, and "permission" to take some time for yourself. Been there and done that, wouldn't trade the experience for anything.