Sorry, I know you all know or will know this feeling. Mom is getting slower, achier, sleeping more, paying less attention for shorter periods of time. It is not dramatic, not a rapid decline. She hates being "bothered", with lab work and doctor appointments, but she still wants to get her hair done each week.

I am trying so hard to remember to breathe. This phase could last years and I can't just hold my breath. When I make a return appointment for her, in 3 months with the podiatrist, for instance, I find I spend time staring at the date. October. When is (how long until) October? Is it a lifetime?

Yes she and I are both going through a "phase". We are both trying to remember to breathe. We keep the appointments, try to stay far away from hospitals.

If I don't communicate with all my friends out here, don't assume the worst. Sometimes breathing just doesn't leave room for typing. We are in a "phase". I really don't want to talk to my doc about anti depressents, but I may be getting there. What are the signs that tell you it is time to say "Uncle"?

For all of you. You are the best ever. Thank you all, I think I am OK until next time.

MB, KOKO and her kitten , or the Kitten and her Koko, that's cute.

Oh, good grief. I have two cats that fight for me. Does that make me really smart?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

quote:

After extensive research, this is what I have found:
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." Unknown

Even Koko, the signing gorilla, was owned by felines...
http://www.koko.org/kidsclub/pictures/kitten6.html
http://www.koko.org/kidsclub/pictures/koko_kittens.html

Dear Bobcat --- I hope you are feeling better by today. I want you to know that you have always been a "rock" for me. Now that my CG duties are over I still check in here often to see how everyone is doing and dealing. So I sincerely hope you are doing better -- don't break those CG rules!!! They can safe your life. Love, DG (a cat lady for sure!!)

quote:

I wonder why we have an abundance of cat people here?

After extensive research, this is what I have found:
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." Unknown

Opie, thank you, helping each other does seem to make things better. Knowing I was of help to you is a help to me. Your Katz in "laugh" helped too. I wonder why we have an abundance of cat people here?

Exercise and sunshine -- so glad to hear you are getting a bit of both. Those two things can have a marked effect on depression. Don't discount the pharmaceuticals; they have their time and place. But also don't dismiss simple movement and a healthy dose of natural light. They can have a surprisingly powerful effect on mood. I hope you feel better soon. You sure made me feel better when I arrived here. :-)

MERRWID, Indeed, I thought I was following the rules, but somehow I started to skip a day, then a week, then two. I thought I could catch up later. Suddenly I was a blithering and madly dashing idiot. Time to regroup, confess, and find time for thanks.

I know you are a survivor. I always appreciate your input. (You ignored the rules, and you still live???) OK, I will get past this lapse. I do think we will all do better with the basic CG rules.

So I'm guessing that one of the rules you broke was "Take care of the caregiver", right?
I'm glad you decided that it was one of the first to be put right.
My little, worst kept secret: That rule wasn't even on my list!

Among those I am rereading are
Up lifting our spirits
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/3456034151/m/8991079552
Healthier Lifestyles & Habits
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/3456034151/m/8991039225
From eco's pages
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/3456034151/m/3441032505
There are many others this is a start.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

DOCHKA, your kind words always make things better. And eelirak, thank you for reminding me that even if the beginnings of depression can be based on real longterm situations, it may become a true physical medical condition. (also it may be a symptom of other medical problems). I could check off several on DOCHKA's list, but I do not feel worthless hopeless or suicidal, so ....

I have done some back reading here and there are several caregiver rules I have been breaking. I took some steps today to correct some of this and this evening I do feel better.

Last night was one of my overnights with Mom. This morning, instead of dashing around like an idiot, I sat down with her and ate some breakfast before dashing around like an idiot. After leaving her house and getting a few essential errands done, I decided I didn't need to dash straight home. H had fed our animals at the house and washing could wait a bit.

I had felt badly that I hadn't gotten by the farm to groom my old retired horse in 6 weeks and I was going to take care of that (my long term farmer friend takes very good care of him, everyone makes a big pet of him while they tend their own, but it wasn't me). I got to visit with some friends sit, on the hay wagon and discuss replacing the transmission in the old International tractor. We all shook are heads and laughed "helplessly" about our old ones, parents, horses, goats, tractors, we are surrounded.

Anyway, I'm going back over the rules and pick one to keep tomorrow, a modest enough plan. And one the next day. I will do some simple thing I really enjoy that I haven't found time for in at least 6 months. I will do one thing, that has gone undone because of the needs of others. And I will eat breakfast. And if it's time to say Uncle, I will.

I agree, you are a very intelligent and balanced person Bobcat, if you are questioning these emotional issues then you may be right to mention it to the doc.
From personal experience, these are not "happy" pills they just allow you to function with more stabiliy.
Trust your instincts. Talk to the doc anyway about it.
What we go through watching the struggle of our LO aging and losing abilities is HIGH stress emotionally.
Depression among caregivers is soooooooo common.
You know my opinion on medications- if you have a headache take an aspirin for chrissakes!

PLEASE DO NOT WITHDRAW FROM YOUR ECO SUPPORT SYSTEM, IT'S VITAL TO YOU AND US!
If public forum is uncomfortable than PM me ANYTIME, Bobcat, in you I have found a precious friend.
It's okay if you say "UNCLE" you will be in good company!

Okay here is the info on signs.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:

difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
fatigue and decreased energy
feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
irritability, restlessness
loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
overeating or appetite loss
persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

Yes, the flatness is horrible. At least on our rollercoasters we can feel joy. I think that if we don't feel the pain, we can't feel as much joy, and eventually it's all just kind of dull, grey, and lifeless. Unfortunately, we tend to teach ourselves to shut off our bad painful emotions so we don't feel the pain, but in the process, we train our brains to think that we should be like that all the time.
Please be sure to take care of your emotions, they are a fragile part of you. And sorry if I sound preachy but depression is a horrible brain disease not a "mental" one.
Much love to you and your mom.

Thanks eelirak, I am starting to think this is affecting the job I do for her. I haven't yet been a whole week without something to make me smile, it just seems like longer periods of time are a sort of "flatness". I think that scares me more in a way than being upset. I am sort of used to the "roller coaster" ride.

I think I am afraid that if I start meds, I'll be stuck. That is a pretty good guideline, and reassurance.

BC, I know what you are going through with depression, it is something I battled most of my life. The very first indication as to when to say "uncle" is if you have not been able to find any joy in life for more than a week or two at most. If caught early, clinical depression can be treated with a temporary round of antidepressants. The longer you wait to start, the longer you will be on them. My doctor and I both thought that I would be one of the ones needing to be on them "forever" However, when I lost my insurance and could not afford them, I came off them cold turkey. This was just prior to gramma coming to live with us. I am very fortunate in that having gramma here has been a wonderful antidepressant for me.
I know that in the future this may no longer be true.
To tell the truth, I did not know what it was like to not be depressed until my meds took effect and I was not depressed any longer.
I feel that if you are reaching out like this, you may already "know" that it is time to do something. And please don't let just breathing stop you from communicating with the people who have helped you come through this so far, it will increase your depression.