Hello, All!

Our mom (who's living in Austin, TX) is growing increasingly incompetent. She's confused, can't remember things, can't carry on everyday activities and so on. The last time she had to sign something, for example, she tried to do it with her index finger several times and had to be coached to use a pen.

I think it's mostly alcohol rather than Alzheimers. (Among other things she won't see a doctor.) Anyway, she just burned herself out of her apartment through carelessness with cigarettes. This is after setting fire to my brother's apartment a year or so ago and burning herself out of her house about three years ago. She has also been wandering into the street while drunk and getting picked up for public intoxication every few days.

I should explain that my brother lives in the same apartment complex she lived in until she burned herself out, and has been getting her out of jams to the extent he can, but his business now requires him to be out of town 50-60 days at a time.

I should also explain she's always been pathologically resistent to any suggestion she should get help or depend on someone. She's always resisted seeing doctors for example until absolutely driven to it. I remember once about 15 years ago when she was living by herself in Scotland my sister came to visit her and found her crawling around her house. It turned out she had broken her ankle a week before and wasn't willing to call anyone for help or even recognize there was a serious problem that wouldn't go away if ignored.

It seems to all of us (her children) that by far the best thing would be some sort of assisted living arrangement, one that would somehow keep her away from alcohol and cigarettes, but she won't hear of anything that would restrict what she does or treat her as someone who needs special help or supervision. If the discussion gets serious she runs away. That's how she ended up in Texas - she was in the Northeast, near me and my sister, but we were making too many suggestions so she suddenly got on an airplane and flew to Texas where my brother was. He's an Ayn Randian and is somewhat fanatical about personal independence himself.

We understand that she can't be forced to do anything unless she's an "immediate threat to herself or others." It seems doubtful that setting fire to her surroundings every year or so or wandering across streets drunkenly much more often than that makes her an immediate threat within the meaning of the law. We'd like to find out what we *can* do though. Declaration of incompetency and appointment of a guardian? Does "immediate threat" have the narrow meaning we think it means? We're really at a loss!

Any suggestions, and especially any references to articles or whatever that would explain the legal situation, would be much appreciated.

thanks for the update, Elmore!

Keep us posted as you can. And there may be something in the Financial & Legal forum that will be helpful to you as you get involved in the guardianship issue.

Let us know if we can help.

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Puffin

Thanks for your help - I did come back and read, but since then have been busy with other aspects and other things.

Mom did have a physical without complaint. Apparently she had an attack of remorse for the trouble she was causing my brother, the one who's also in Austin. The doctor was apparently one ElderCare recommended. We don't have the report yet but apparently there are no major physical problems.

The theory is to place her in some sort of appropriate setting and for the moment she's cooperating. She and my brother are having an interview this morning with someone who knows all the places in the area. How long her cooperativeness will last who knows. Based on experience we are all dubious.

I've talked to a lawyer about guardianship and will talk again this morning.

Anyway, I will no doubt be back and will be browsing through the resources. Thanks again!

Elmore, did you ever come back and read? How are things going? Need any info that is not in some of the forums I mentioned?

Let us know. We're thinking about you!

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Puffin

Elmore,

I am glad you found your Mom. Now that shge told the SW that she will see a Dr. is a time to act quickly. Get her to the Drs. now. Look for a Dr. that specializes in her age group and is familar with the dementias. You may want to talk to the Dr. about putting her in the hospital for testing and medication adjustment. They should place her in the psych ward.

They often use the psych ward to treat the resistant AD LO (or LO suffering from a related disease) as it is lock down and they are staffed to better observe her. From there you can get an emergency guardianship untill you can petetion the courts for full guardianship. With her history of fires and running off this should not be difficult to do.

Hi, Elmore! Glad you're still with us.

May I suggest that you spend some time just browsing the forums? You will find links to tons of information both onsite here at ECO and at other sites. Check out, for example, the forum on legal and financial matters, the residential options discussions, and the material in alcohol-related dementia in the Less Common Dementias forum.

We have a good deal of info ready for you. Of course, if you don't find what you need, just let us know!

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Puffin

Thanks much for the advice.

After several disappearances and other incidents we tracked her down in a motel she had managed to find and get a room in (no one can figure out how, she was on foot and there are no hotel rooms in Austin now because of a conference) and an interview with social services was able to go forward.

They said it's not a situation in which there's an immediate danger (the standard for restraint absent guardianship) but agreed we should petition a court to get one of us made guardian, which I suppose we'll do. At present mom says she's willing to see a doctor and enter a home care facility but that's not necessarily to be relied on.

Any advice or warnings in connection with seeking guardianship or for the type of place to put her if all goes reasonably well? (Or on anything else, for that matter - the more suggestions the better!)

Elmore,

Her history of fires does mean she is a danger to herself and others. You did not mention your Mom's age but I am assuming she is over 65. I would suggest that you call Adult Protective Services. It is best for a family member to call them. If you call them please do not go and clean up her apartment or stock it up with food, leave it just as is.

It really sounds like you or another family member will have to go for guardianship in your Mom's case as she will not be willing to do what she needs to do. Considering her drinking history, I imagine she has a dementia that is related to her drinking. This type of dementia is often handled very much like Alz. She could very possibly also have Alz. it is just her drinking history makes it difficult to say for sure.

One thing you may want to keep in mind is if you do get guardianship and get her into a controled situation, you may still not be able to stop the drinking. If she is taken off the booze she may very well go through some difficult withdrawals. It is best to consult a Dr. You may decide to allow her a drink a couple of times a day, enough to avoid withdrawal yet not enough to get drunk. However this is something you really need to discuse with a Dr.

Elmore, while we're waiting for my caregiver co-host to come by with some suggestions, take a look at this article on loved ones who resist help....from our ECO resource library.

Scroll down and you will also see links to some other articles that may be useful to you.

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Puffin

[This message has been edited by puffin (edited March 19, 2001).]