My mom is currently in the hospital. She just had a vascular bypass as her Iliac artery was 99.9% blocked. This caused the ulcer on her leg which she got when she had edema which was caused by breaking her hip 9 months ago. We are hoping with the increased blood flow it will allow the ulcer on her leg to finally heal.

It has been such a long journey and I feel sometimes like I am just unable to do it. I am lucky that my mother is financially secure and I am able to hire some help but it has been a real eye opener. All these years I thought my family would always be there for me but have found that this is not true.

I arrange all appointments to include all 7 of my moms doctors. Luckily we changed GP's as my mom's had given up on her.

I think I'm rambling. Basically for two weeks now I've been pretty much a wreck and in tears. I am so lucky that my boss is understanding. On Friday, my mom will go to a recovery center and then home. Hopefully I'll make it too.

Hi sldbrem, glad you have come to join us. Is this your first experience with a recovery/rehabilation stay? All this is so stressful, many are able to use such a stay to regroup, steal a little time for self. (and yes I use the word "steal" because that is what it feels like, quilt and all).

So let's change that word. "Allow" your self to to regroup. You need to do that to be any good to anyone else, so it is NOT a selfish act. Your Mom should have a case worker who will help coordinate for you, the outfitting of her room, supplies, equipment, services. Much of which you may already know, but a new gem of info, may come up, so be patient with the ABCs.

It was so hard for me to step aside and be an observer at times. My over protective self, wanted to hang out in rehab every second. "The PT is being to hard on her", "Why isn't someone cutting up her food?" "She wants the bed pan, now, where is everyone and Blah , blah etc." They "done good" though. I had to take a "chill" pill (not literally) to get past this, and about went nuts.

You are not alone, sld, something to read and think about http://www.ec-online.net/Knowledge/Articles/homecare.html
one of many very good articles in the bank here, to peruse.

Stick around , ask, vent, give yourself a break. Take care of yourself to take care of your Loved One.

Oh dear, sldbrem. I feel for you. I'm an only child and my dad died right about the same time my mother began having symptoms of dementia. Everything seemed to be falling apart at once, and I suddenly realized that I was sort of alone.

But it sounds like you are still hanging in there doing a fine job keeping docs coordinated, and seeing about Mom's care! Are you getting any help from your family yet? I sure hope that you guys were able to work out a system to help one another.

Try to find a little something you enjoy to distract your mind from all of the turmoil. You have to find a way to give yourself a little mental and emotional break--even if it's just 2-3 minutes here and there during the day.

I'm glad to hear that Mom will be going to a recovery center before going home--this is a good opportunity for both of you. Use this time to do a little recovery yourself, and try to line up additional help before she gets out. If it turns out that you don't need much help you can always cut back later, but at least you will have additional resources in place in case you need them. After Mom gets home it will be much harder to initiate putting new resources in place, find time to interview or orient new helpers.

Hang on, sweetie, and let us know how things are going.
--maria

Hi sadbrem, A big hug to you!!!! Your Mom is very lucky to have you looking after her. And it's great that she can afford the extra help. But you need to do something right now to help get yourself through this. Wonderful that you have such an understanding boss. Sounds like all your Mom's ducks are in a row, time to get your ducks lined up. Is it possiable for you to get away for a few days to regroup? Never give up!

Hang in there, dear! Most folks have no concept of how incredibly complicated and exhausting eldercare is... I don't think it used to be so bad, but in today's world, it's rough. Keep us updated on how mom and you are doing!

Oh Honey (((HUGS)))) I am so sorry your feelin so bad right now I know this is your mom but you must take care of yourself. Stop sit down have a good cry get it all out we are here for you.
Is your mom doing good? How old is she?

You do not say, does she have AD? It is very common for family to disappear. Hope they come around in time. As for you, please see your doc and get some mild meds to keep you calm and also, go see a counselor. I know others have had great success with one--you have to talk to someone. If you have specific questions, please do not hesitate to ask.