I know I've been gone a while, let me tell you, Mom's been keeping me busy. She has good days, and some bad days but all and all she's a trooper!
Fast forward to three weeks ago, she was very out of it, not understanding, not her normal can't talk but out of it. So I called 911 and they took her to a hospital that took her to a rehab center the same night. So she's been there, had a UTI, and they treated, a couple of tests that didnt' show anything. And they decided even though she's got 100 days a year, rehab days, she can't use them because she "won't benefit" BUT... here's the kicker they don't see me as a full time caregiver and won't releaser her unless we hire one! Or place her in full time care!
CAN THEY DO THAT?! I'm the one who has changed her. Cooked her meals, washed her, for the last nine months, and now they said I have to HIRE someone!
It's not about the money, she has it, it's about being able to choose who is coming into my home, and when. Where she lives, and how. Has anyone else been there, done that?
SOS gang,
Cathy

The caregiver I'd like to hire was with her agency, and left them. That's how we met. She's a doll, and she is a great fit for mom. I adore her as a caregiver for mom.
This would be out of pocket. So I need to think of things like workmans comp. or whatever else one would have to pay an employee.
She has some coverage, but that doesn't even cover the weekend hours.
Cathy

Hiya RadStar! Good to hear from you. Check your mom's insurance policy(ies). Some Medicare supplements will pay toward private nursing, but they have requirements, etc. and often only pay a percentage, etc. If your Mom is entitled to VA Aid & Attendance benefits (please check the Legal forum for more on that...), some of the cost may be offset there, but with rules and stipulations. Your county or state may provide certain services or offer assistance in paying for this...

If you are paying for her services out of your own pocket, PLEASE do a background check on her, ask for references and check them out before hiring. Agencies do this screening for you, but if you are not hiring through an agency, please protect yourself and your mom by checking up no matter how much you or Mom may initially like her!

I hope things work out well for all of you!! A good caregiver is a godsend!

RadStar, It is good to hear from you with good news. Here is a page from the IRS that discusses forms for household employees.
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc756.html
There has to be a simpler explanation, but you know they pay the beaurocrats extra bonuses to make things as complicated as possible. I'm sure there is better page, so google it if you have a chance. Stop in more often and tell us how you and Mom are getting along. By for now.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

Hi guys back again, so I'll pick up where I left off. We need to hire a caregiver to help out, but I have someone I know that will work out perfectly. She's a CNA, and she and Mom get along well. Is there anyone that has any idea what I have to do to hire a "caregiver" myself. Besides social security, what other papers would I need?
Cathy
PS Mom is doing really well, we have her on aricet (SP) and it's really helping her communicate so much better. She is really fun, and talkitive now. I love it!

When my back went out and my son had to help me my mom no longer knew who anyone was. Male/Female didn't matter. I can tell you the time a male therapist came when my mom did know and all of a sudden yelled RAPE! I had just stepped out to take a phone call and when I ran back in the room she was still in the bed with covers on. He was just talking to her and she stared to yell. She looked at me and said if he touches her she'll kill him for Raping her. That was the first and last time the man came to the house. It is very rewarding to take care of our l/o. It is also a lot of work so make sure you treat yourself good too. Take care.

quote:

I got there yesterday to find her crying and sobbing. They had a man give her a bath, and he handled her in ways she felt really uncomfortable with.

Bless her complete heart!! This is an issue about which I feel VERY strongly!! Some patients may not mind being cared for by an attendant or nurse of the opposite sex, but many DO mind! It is insane on the part of a facility to put themselves in the position of being sued in this manner, not to mention how badly your mom felt!! When people cannot reliably advocate for themselves or remember or report events, there should be two attendants present at all times and caregivers should be of the same sex unless it has been demonstrated that the patient is good with a caregiver of the opposite sex.

I am so glad you have her home and I KNOW how relieved you must feel!!! Having others come in once or twice a week is good because it does help to cover you when needed and it keeps your mom in the habit of being cared for by someone else should you be unable to do so for whatever reason. Many cudos to you for your resolve and commitment. Please give your mom a BIG hug from me and save one for yourself!

I got her home yesterday, she's really really happy. I got there yesterday to find her crying and sobbing. They had a man give her a bath, and he handled her in ways she felt really uncomfortable with. She really felt violated. I couldn't get her out of there fast enough. She's home with a caregiver for now.
I am going to have someone a couple days a week, but not everyday. I know what I need, and I really don't want someone else caring for her, I want to. Maybe it's selfish, but that's my time, and I feel like having someone is taking it away from me.
Thanks so much for everyones support, you guys really helped me make the right choices. I could have easily given in, if it weren't for you all.
Cathy

People were always telling me to put my mom in a nursing home. The only one who didn't was my mother's son (nope never heard from him still) who didn't want her to go as it would cut into his inheratence. Towards the end I did ask for a little more help with her. When my back went out it was my son who stepped up to help in the lifting/changing. We all have to choose what it right for our l/o. I'm sure the people here if it came down to having to put your l/o in a nursing home you would check it out at all hours before moving them.

quote:

perhaps it's time for you to put your mom in a NH..."

You mean I'm not the only one that hears this-I just had this discussion with Mike's PT yesterday-she had come out here to see if it worked better-NOT. I am sure I have told her before that we had experience with various facilities for 10 months after Mike's stroke. It was much harder for me and he had LESS personal care than at home(not counting what I do)He had more falls in facilities-left in bed or sitting in his wheelchair with nothing to do. They didn't get him up every day let alone several times a day with naps when needed. He still enjoys going out in the yard, out for lunch, shopping or just for a drive. The district physio is coming out tomorrow to update Mike's exercises.She is new and seems very good.This whole BS of a facility bothers me-We have a roll in shower, pole, ramp, walking rail, rolling commode, electric(which he couldn't use in a facility) and push wheelchairs we even have a hoyer if he gets to where he needs it and a roll in lowered floor mini van-I didn't get all this stuff to put him in a facility. Sorry guess I got carried away. Goodnight. Gypsy

quote:

If in doubt about a loved ones care, seek answers.It does not mean you are inadequate.It means you need help.

... and it also doesn't mean you can't handle something - it simply means you need some insight. I frequently ask those in the profession their opinions when I run afoul of something that is bustin' my brain - sometimes they have wonderful answers that I immediately employ; other times, there IS no answer. The pros that always piss me off are the ones who, because I presented them with a question, immediately tell me that "perhaps it's time for you to put your mom in a NH..."

Well put Mae!

Bobcat, thank god I never had big guns.I would have been in jail along time ago.
I do believe we all have the fear that someone, not in the home, will come along and doubt our abilities.Something so simple can trigger a reaction.I always feared having a loved o0ne bruise them selves, etc would cause a so called professional to doubt the cause.Thnak god I had help that knew the cause of something as they were aware of the circumstances .
When I compared my care with those who are labeled professionals, I want to smack someone.
I did more and knew more then those who were deemed experts.
I would sit and listen and watch what they said and did.I should have kept a journal of their lack of good care and understanding.
I no longer assume those deemed professional are such.I want to see them in action and get good results.That is what I expect .I have experienced some of the worst and some of the best.The worst makes you want to get out those big guns.
I will add.If in doubt about a loved ones care, seek answers.It does not mean you are inadequate.It means you need help.

Cathy, Good luck. Just make sure like Bunny said to start documenting everything. I had a good home health care group early on that use to come when mom was in daycare. They'd meet her bus and give her a snack for me while I worked. Together we all made it work till daycare was not an option and I needed someone full time. Don't be afraid to fight for you rights. Working with babies and little ones is so rewarding. I work with pre-k and it has helped me in so many ways. Seeing a new life, a baby must be the same for you especially when they come back and you get to see the growth and progress of God's miracles. Glad you can still work.

Cathy, the title "gifted amateur" as said by Moms_Buddy refers to many of us. I hope I qualify. I do seek out help, I think I have some clue of what my limits are. H thinks I hit that mark 18 months ago.

quote:

Kathy, may not know the extent of the care her mother requires". I just wanted to pull those people right through the computer screen. They have no clue what the extent of her care is, I do, and once more, I've been caring for her since I was 13 years old. They have no clue, what we have been through. (should I take this to the anger wall)

I'm glad that reason has prevailed! Sometimes the pros cannot imagine what gifted amateurs can do! I would caution, however, that as people get further down the line, care starts mounting and stuff starts going wrong faster than one can fix it. Be sure to keep plenty of help near you so that if your mom's condition starts becoming more than you can handle, that you have good help. Sounds like you have assistance in place, so that's one thing you won't have to worry about when the going gets tougher.

Glad that everything is working out for you and your mom! Hang in there!

Cathy, I am so glad to hear that things are on track again, and very glad to hear you still keep your camera close. Clearly, they thought wrong, and they are straightened out now.

To start I have the medical directive. I faxed it to the hospital yesterday.
They are letting her come home with "full time" care giver recommendation". Because I "work from home", and she needs "full time care".
I even noticed in the notes to her nuerologist it said "Kathy, may not know the extent of the care her mother requires". I just wanted to pull those people right through the computer screen. They have no clue what the extent of her care is, I do, and once more, I've been caring for her since I was 13 years old. They have no clue, what we have been through. (should I take this to the anger wall)
Back on track, I talked to the group that provides her care when I am not home, I've had them for months, and I really like them. They are working with me to figure out what I really need, and are going to go for the care giver meetings and such. I feel good between Homewatch, and myself we will make the right choices.
So tomorrow she'll be back, and from there we'll cross the bridges as they come.
Cathy
PS Bob, I didn't give up my photography just the business end of it, and the part of it that had me driving to Hollywood everyday. For now I'm doing it for the love of the art, and for my clients. I stared working as a manager for babies in the entertainment industry, and my clients bring they babies by my home to update their photos at no charge, I do all my management work from home on my computer, or my iphone. I just have to check my computer every few hours. It works for being available for Mom, keeps me busy, and I still get to do photos, of my favorite kind of clients, they kind that can't talk yet .

Cathy, do you have DPOA for your mother's affairs? If so, unless they can show neglect on your part, they cannot do this. Are you in California or in Canada? THis sounds to me like an overzealous social worker and/or a facility with a vested interest in putting patients in their other facilities... This is an OLD trick to make caregivers feel like they cannot handle care and to get more income for their companies.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!! Speak with her doctor personally and inform him/her of how you HAVE been caring for her and how you intend to step up care as needed for her.

Unless you do not have a DPOA, there are steps that must be taken for them to assume legal responsibility for your mother.

What did I tell you, Cathy, BG and Mae arrive with the big guns. Where I live, no one has butted in, questioned, we know our elder's issues are not the results of cookie cutters. Not sure if that is becuase it is a very old traditional state with a centuries tradition of family care, or if they just figure it is our problem while they deal with pot holes on the interstate.