My dh, 88 years young, is slowly letting go of things. It is so hard for him to go out anymore, but he does make the effort, although I don't know for how long. I see him getting weaker, moving so carefully around the mobile home. Lots of times he will take a step and hesitate before putting his foot down on the floor. I know that he is afraid of falling. We had an 8 foot square deck built with handicapped steps that he can get up and down more easily, and so can I. If need be, a wheelchair with a couple of strong guys can get him up and down. And he can step outside without going down stairs, and sit in one of the chairs I got at Wal Mar. He has fallen a couple of times, once outside when he just kind of sat down, and once at the restaurant when he sort of stumbled into the bench. He lets me do a lot of the shopping by myself and I am taking over other chores he had considered his, making ice cubes, taking out the trash. Right now he is making burritos, and said it was probably the last time he would do that. He usually makes his own lunch, just a sandwich, but I know that will fall to me soon. He will do the Ensure at lunch with me sometimes, so I know he is keeping his nutrition up, and I do make it a point to fix a full meal at night, and he does eat good.

But I hate to see what's ahead. It hurts to see him spend hours in his recliner, reading, or mostly napping, which he does more and more. I can see the day when I am going to have to have someone come in to help him with bathing because I can't lift and the one time he got into the tub scared the s out of me. He had an awful time getting out, wouldn't let me help, and I was about ready to call the paramedics. I think I will put the tub chair in and have him sit on it, run in water, and bathe him. But when he can't get off that chair, I am in trouble.

He is letting go, but how do I face letting go of the best thing in my life?

Awwww, farmgirl - you are so wise!! Counting blessings is far more productive than counting sorrows. I hope y'all have a good weekend and can enjoy something special together!

Thank you all for your kind insights into letting go. I know it is just taking it one day at a time. I cherish the things that he can still do and let him, even though I could do it faster and easier. I am trying to focus more on what he can do than on wht he can't do. I think I am beginning to mourn a bit, and even in that, I feel some inner peace, contentment, and gratitude for the years we have had together.

Farm girl, All I can say is do not dwell on what hubby cannot do.Be happy for the things he is able to do.We all know things will get worse but knowing and seeing is two different things.It is sad and frightening.We are dealing with something we have no control.Accept each day as a blessing.
Waste no time on what will come.You never know what or when so accept today.
Being prepared for the worst and not being prepared does not spare us the pain.
Make each day one you will remember for eternity.

Farmgirl, there are many here who have already faced what you are facing today.
It is a long agonizing process, but you learn to let go of one tiny piece at a time, just as your dear husband is. Just as when you were newly together and discovered and accepted and adjusted to "things you never knew" about him, you will accept the "things he/we can't do anymore" and adjust.
The most important thing I found out along the journey is that (eventually and grudginly), I accepted and adjusted to the physical and mental loss of my lifemate, but knew in my soul that we never let go of our love. It was always there, and it is still here today. It kept me going through the last year of caring for him, and keeps me going now.
It will keep you going, too.

quote:

He is letting go, but how do I face letting go of the best thing in my life?

I don't know about husbands, but what gets me through losing Mom by inches is I draw on the love we have shared. I don't look at the mountain - I put one foot in front of the other and have faith that the love we've shared will continue to sustain me even when she's gone.

It's good to hear from you, farmgirl. Don't forget - we'll be here, too, to help support you when times get tough. Many blessings to you and your dear hubby.

Thanks so much for your kind thoughts and info. My mom had that kind of chair when she couldn't get in and out of the tub, and that will probably be the best solution for us. When the time comes, I will work with his doctor and social services to provide the best we can for him.

Dear farmgirl,
It is very hard as a family CG to see even the small declines. I know it's that way for me, it seems when we just get a grip on the current situation, a backslide will throw us at the boogeyman that's to come. Ugh!!!

I was just in Walgreens and saw the coolest new shower chair where it's part in and part out of the tub and so you sit and slide over to the tub side. It's a little expensive and can be worth it to help the bathing routine. It's on my list to buy when my mom 80 can't step over the side of the tub anymore.
This is a website that shows a picture of the sort of chair and some others:

http://www.themedicalclub.com/Swivel_Seat_Sliding_Trans...ench_p/ehs-37662.htm

I'm sorry your heart is aching for DH, wish I had a website to fix that, too. I can only send you HUGS!!!