Things are moving right along. I am taking over most of the things dh used to do. I now do all the driving, take care of the car (oil changes, etc.), take out the trash, take care of all business matters. He still manages to do a little, like washing fry pans and a little cooking. But he spends most of his day in the recliner with his book. He consistently wobbly on his feet and we now have a handicapped tag which I use when he goes out, grocery store for a few minutes, restaurant, etc. It really hurts when I see him looking so frail and moving so carefully. I just wonder when I am going to be calling that 3 digit phone number to get him to the hospital. It seems sometimes that he is just waiting, and all I can do is wait with him. He remarked one day that he was glad he has me to "grow old with him." I told him I would go as far with him as I could. He is content with just me for company. I do make sure I get out 3 mornings a week to walk and half coffee with friends and coffee every other week or so with my daughter. It's hard when I want to scream and cry, and don't want to bother my family as they all have their own stuff to deal with.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

There are so many sites it is mind-boggling. I recently found one for the wood beads I want to go with antler tips that a friend drilled for me. I have my favorites in my list, but am always looking for additional sources for new things.

Farm girl we need to fill that void we feel in our lives doing something that brings us positive results.I find creating something , as you are doing, brings great rewards.You need an escape from the sadness you feel.Wonderful you take the time to get your hair done.That shows you care about your self.You owe that much to your self.Never forget your importance.I have been doing xmas crafts with my friend.We do then to help support the wild life rehab center where she works.It is such a great diversion, especially when the results of your work are positive and it will serve a good cause.Do not allow your self to stay in limbo.Continue to find something that stimulates you.

Farmgirl, that is not only a good idea for you, but your good H would like to see you doing this. Have you found good sites for beads, and/or jewelry making? Go ahead and google, but I will look around , too. If I find anything with good ideas, I will try to post the links to you. Maybe we can share some.

To Bobcat and Mae,

Thanks for your wisdom. I do need to bring my focus down to the present, looking too far ahead has always been my biggest quirk and I try consciously to not look beyond the present, but it is hard.

In addition to going out to coffee and walks with friends, I am making my own necklaces and earrings. Out in Portland, dh bought me a bunch of new clothes (good quality, not Wal Mart lol), When we came home I ordered new blouses and did brave Wal Mart for new pants that fit without bagging after my hard-earned weight loss. Now I am searching the bead catalogues and websites for just the right beads to go with my new outfits. And on the occasions when dh feels like going out to breakfast, I really feel dressed up and special, even if it is casual.

Thanks again for your good thoughts and suggestions.

Farmgirl, keep doing the small things that give you a break.You need to have time to reflect and relax.We all wonder when we are going to have to make that call.My advice, do not think about that.Take each day and enjoy it.Time is wasted thinking about making that call.When it happens, then you deal with it.Let nothing bother you, like this , when you have no control of that time.Think of more positive things that will add to your memories

farmgirl, this forum was down for a full week, I am so sorry that people playing catch up have been scrambling like we have been.

Keep having your walks and your coffee. All the little (big) things that make a day yours.

I am hoping to hear from you soon. we are always here to hear you.