Why are men so stubborn? My dh insists on doing things that he should let go of, like taking out the trash, washing the heavy pans, etc. In the last two weeks we have had two scary (to me) incidents. On our anniversary he could not get from the table to his recliner and asked for help. It was quite a job getting him to his chair. Yesterday morning he "wobbled" from the bedroom to the kitchen table, hanging onto the wall, door jamb, refrigerator, and counter all the way. Wouldn't let me help him. He did ask me to fix his cereal for him. Then he stayed in his recliner most of the day until we went to a family cookout. I didn't ask him if I should drive, figuring he would just get mad. He went straight to the passenger side door and got in the car. When I said something to him, he let me know that he knows when he shouldn't drive. So at least that's something. And at least he has stopped protesting when I go ahead and do things he considers his job, like making ice cubes. But he won't go to his doctor. He is due for a cholesterol check in October, so I will just keep my fingers crossed and the 911 number memorized. But I would like to shake the stubborness out of him, even if I realize that it is so hard to let go of any independence.

quote:

Ha, and Ha, again. They are stubborn from birth

Yep, you got it. I didn't have time to reply earlier, but this was more or less what I was going to say. The positive part of it was that after his stroke Mike was very stubborn and determined that he was coming home and going to walk. It took him 10 months to do the first and another couple to walk with a quad cane. Without that stubborn streak he would have given up. Before the stroke I used to get SO ANNOYED when he wouldn't listen when he was doing something obviously incorrect. He still does it but not in words but actions-if he doesn't want to do what you ask you can't budge him. (don't ask about the day we were coming home from holidays-it was the only time in 5 days I had a problem)Gypsy

Ha, and Ha, again. They are stubborn from birth. If my H ever becomes chronically ill and I need to be his CG, I am DOOMED. He hates being cared for. He shuts me out when he feels bad, won't discuss his DR visits with me.

He did allow me to try to tend a cut on his head a few years ago, it clearly needed stitches, but he wanted me to "fix" it for him until I brought him a mirror and showed him the bone of his skull over his eyebrow. Only then did he agree to go to the ER and he wanted to drive. This is about the only time I got my way, I told him he could rot before I would ride with him driving while he bled into his eye.

I did find out a few useful things. He would back down if he thought I would get hysterical. AND, he doesn't really notice if I quietly do things while he is asleep, and leave nothing for him to catch up on. He will just start fresh later.

They are all nuts about their independence and privacy. But they also, I believe, all love backrubs, and can be darn picky about that. When he offers me a backrub, I can grit my teeth for torture. He will dive right in like a blasted jackhammer. I also dread the notion that one day he will be my caregiver. He would be Atilla the Hun. Oh, Jeez, you gotta love 'em.

they become stubborn because they revert to child like behavior with no sense of being able to reason

Hi FarmGirl! Your DH sounds exactly like my dear father (he died 2 years ago at 90). When he was so sick and frail he would NEVER accept help. One day I came home from work and he was on the roof of his trailer, painting it to ready it for winter. My H said he would do it over the week end but my dad would have nothing to do with that. I stood by the ladder when he got ready to get down and I swear to this day I don't know how he managed to get up or down. We tried to just let him do what he could and help when he couldn't. And, like you, keep the 911 line ready!!! Independence is an extremely hard thing to give up - I think especially for men.