I'm posting as a guest right now because my information for that is in the other room. Decided to call this 'emotional rubber band'

From time to time over the past several years I've found such valuable information and such supportive help.

So many of you are coping with the issues of later stages and we're not there yet. We're not early either. My husband is mild/moderate. On any given day he is mild..or he could be moderate..or he could be fine.

If any of you remember, he is an elected official in a close-knit community. I won't repeat those earlier times.

He was finally 'officially' diagnosed in August and began taking Aricept. He is now taking the higher dose.I honestly want to think it is working. Sometimes I think yes, sometimes no.

In the last three months I have been on an emotional roller-coaster. My husband gets a good 'idea' and it seems to become an obsession that consumes a good bit of his thought/time..or my time.

He is suspicious of my spending of money and when those issues arise it is upsetting to me and him as well. THEN after one of those, he may get a GOOD idea...one example..was the vacation to see fall leaves. The obsession became fixed on fall leaves..We did travel for several days looking at fall leaves.

Then he decided we needed to gather up a lot of fall leaves and make gifts with them to give to our friends at home. We were three states away from home at that time. He wanted to pick up bunches of leaves at one place were were having dinner just before sunset.. He went across the street to a convenience store to get some bags for the leaves..and it started raining before he could actually carry out this mission. He then decided it was a bad idea and had no interest in leaves for the rest of our trip. He paid no more attention to the landscape or trees and one morning he decided he was ready to find an airport and come home..So we drove straight through to the nearest airport,changed tickets and paid extra to get home.

He had another GOOD idea to make a card for a former teacher and friend.

It was truly a good idea. BUT, he came to an open house art event, asked the artists to design the card and wrote a draft of incoherent text for the artists to use on the card and left them to try to do what he asked. I am one of the artists so I 'edited' the text. This was the first time I think, that my husband's condition was possibly that obvious...(it could be though, that everyone one in town knows much more than I)

He went all over the area getting signatures for this card. It was a wonderful gesture and he had the best time in the world doing it.

At the Sunday service for the choir Christmas program..there was a brief time for those who wanted to share their faith and at THIS time, my husband stood up and made the announcement that he had a card for this former teacher and welcomed everyone to stop by and sign it. I was sitting in the choir, praying that my face did not show how astonished I felt for him to do something like that..quite out of context with the purpose of those moments. The music started up and the choir finished the program and hopefully I was the only one in that huge audience that felt sick.

The day of giving the card to the teacher was another great day for him. They had former classmates come and my husband talked about it and how great his idea had been and how much his teacher enjoyed the card. It seemed that the good idea was the only thing that could be talked about that day.

Then the money issue came up when I noticed he had paid a post office box rental and asked about it. The answer that he wanted his own private post office box so purchased one because'you' have one. He said he wanted to keep his own money in it. I should have stopped backed off but I said loudly..you want tokeep your money in a post office box?? He answered no..He wanted to manage his own money and take care of his own business until he couldn't do it any more. I told him I couldn't help us if he didn't trust me. If he felt that he had to hide money or put it in different accounts and such, then he should ask someone else he trusted more, to help manage things.

He understands that LATER he will be unable to take care of things. He is confident that he is well enough now that he doesn't make mistakes with money or anything else. He does nothing that is meant to be mean or to hurt anyone. He just wants to do good things.

The next week he brings copies of a DPOA and health care POA..We already had one..But he had new ones drawn up. I am to act on his behalf. So those things are in place, and were anyway, but he's done them now and feels good about it.

This is supposed to make me feel confident that he trusts me to take care of things..when he can't.

Two days later, he brings my 'christmas present'..a seven day cruise..He's really interested in a cruise now and has marked off the calendar, the weeks he can't go.

I'm scared to death he has actually booked something and paid for it with a credit card. I noticed that the cruise line has called our home twice.

One day I am being asked WHY I paid for gasoline from our joint account.. and the next, he's inspired to go on a cruise...because its another good idea and he's so proud of it.

I may be way to sensitive..and I know there are worse, much much worse things associated with this damn disease. but we have to somehow deal with NOW while we try to plan for what comes in the future.

I feel like a rubber band that has become exhausted from being stretched out and snapped back. Does any of this make sense to anyone?
Is my perspective all out of whack?

I don't think my children understand why these grand ideas and all these such good things are so difficult. Maybe they shouldn't be. I'm just scared out of my wits about what in the heck is coming next.

I'm so thankful for this place..Thanks for 'listening'..
Judy

Judy,

I haven't been here in a long time, but your situation sounds very familiar.

You will have to find ways to finesse him and take more control, gradually. I hate saying no to my husband Hu, but he does submit when I speak with confidence, and now I don't have to remind him that his judgment is impaired on some matters. When it was hardest, I appealed to the authority of "the family" rather than my own authority, telling him "the family" had decided thus and so. Once I told him we would not make any more big financial decisions without the input and okay of our children....

His antidepressant helps a lot with the kind of obsessive behavior you mentioned. I've seen my husband's symptoms actually improve when he gives up trying to prove to me that he is normal, but boy can he be persistent when he wants to prove it to me. It seems when they feel they are losing some capacity they fight harder to keep it. It can look like a temporary improvement when they give it the old college try, but then they have to let it go....

Mary

Judy, you are such a dear to help your husband so much!! I hope his term of office ends next year so you can relax some, but please know that even if he DOES do something embarrassing, when people realize what is going on, they will understand. Some of my mom's best ideas came as her illness "came on"... maybe some of those cross connections bypass our normal inhibitions - good and bad. I am so glad he is able to makes some eccentrically wonderful things happen still!! Bless your heart for understanding and trying to help him "save face." Lovingly caring for a public figure afflicted with this damnable disease is a very special, awesome task, particularly in a small town!! My hat's off to you!! Have a lovely holiday season and I hope the New Year's challenges will arrive along with the creativity and strength with which to meet them!!