He finally said it a week or so ago, "I'm going down. I have 2 or 3 years left." While I wanted to scream, I am relieved that he was able to acknowledge to me what is happening. I have been seeing a steady decline. Today he announced that he is selling all his woodturning equipment. I have tried gently to get him to do a little with it, but no go. He spends his day in his recliner, watching TV and reading. With the weather now nice, we are getting out to walk, 6 blocks today.

I had printed out responses to my question on anger and re-reading them has helped. I think I have moved beyond anger and just feel a terrible sadness, not only for myself but for him also. It is so hard to watch a strong, energetic man lose ground. He talks about going fishing, but I really don't think he will. I did get a cell phone so that when we are out I can get help if I need it.

I am trying to take care of myself. I keep up with my genealogy research and am getting into jewelry making, mostly bead stringing. And I am getting the apartment better organized so that I won't be overwhelmed when the time comes.

Thanks for "listening."

Oh Farmgirl! It sounds lovely! I used to go to alot of bead stores and know exactly what your talking about! I used to incorperate them into my dream catchers & medicine bags. And please the cost (ok your not suppose to say it out loud ) And good god yes it does reduce stress I can actually fall asleep doing it! lol
I love the idea of a motorhome.. being on the road visiting different places where your ancestors once walked Hmmmmm sounds great! And to the pictures I came across alot in the last year its truly amazing to me! I hope I get to see your jewelry one day! Take a picture and post it if you can!

Bunnys_grl,

I am doing bead stringing (nothing like underwater basket weaving). I like combining natural stone beads with Swarski crystals and Czech fire polished crystals using sterling silver components to tie it all together. I just completed a necklace of Botswana agates, jet fire polished crystal, and sterling end caps on the crystals. And a pair of earrings to match. Not a cheap set, I put about $50 to $75 into each set because I want only the best and that doesn't come cheap. But I love wearing them and get so many compliments and have been asked to make earrings for a local shop, which I declined. Too much like work, and I don't need another career. Playing with beads, etc. to come up with a design gives me a lot of satisfaction and reduces stress, and I can take myself out of the moment for a while. Hubby doesn't mind, he reads and admires my work when I am finished.

I know about going to where you need to be to research family. I would love to have a small motor home, computer, etc. and start on the eastern seaboard where my ancestors landed, and work my way home visiting all the places. It would be at least a 5 year journey to do it right, lots of time in Canada.

Keep working at it, things turn up when and where you least expect them to. I have unexpectly found family and old photos I never new existed.

Your welcome Farmgirl. And Wow you were able to go back so far on you paternal side! Kudos I hit a snag with mine so for now on my maternal side I can only go back 5 gens I think I would have to take a flight to Portugal (but that aint happening! I dont fly lol) So I guess Ill have to be satisfied with what I have now for my fathers side that will be alot easier (like yours mine is here in the US also)
So what kind of jewelry are you making FG?

To OCSurfCity, yes, I have taken care of much of that, power of attorney, living wills, etc. The logistics are in place so there will be no surprises there. Thanks so much, and as I noted, my husband, not my father.

Bunnys_grl, Thanks so much for the hug, I needed that. How many generations? On my paternal grandmother's side, 10 generations back to a Mohawk Indian princess, Ontario, Canada.

thanks to all of you who responded, it makes it easier.

May the blessings of this Easter season be with us all.

This is not my father; my parents ae both gone. This is my 86 year old husband whom I love most dearly.

Farmgirl Im sending you the biggest ((((hug)))) you've ever had, you sound like you really need one right now. Do you have anybody close by to help you at all?
Please please take care of yourself sweetie, and the geneology now I know that can be addicting Im in the middle of mine also... how many generations have you gone back so far?

If your father is truly at pease with his decline, you should be at ease too. What is really heartbreaking is when your parents think they will live forever and do not come to peace with dying.

Being a caregiver has really educated me. I am at peace with making my plan for my twilight years. Here is what I have decided for myself:

1) I am at peace with the aging process and do not wish to prolong my life by artificial means. I will do everything that is required for me to have a healthy life in my old age BUT if my time comes, I am comfortable with death.

2) I will be at my wife's side if she requires my assistance as she ages as well. I will never abandon her and will love her as I did when we first met until her last breath on this planet.

3) I will NOT allow my family to pity me or feel sorry for me. If they cannot remember me with happiness and laughter then I told them do NOT remember me at all.

4) My trust, Power of Attorney and other financial matters will be planned and set so that no one in my family is burdened in caring for me.

Farmgirl, what a bittersweet post! Your heart must be breaking. I'm so sorry.