We saw the doctor this morning and dh now knows he has dementia. I told him that dh had to know what's happening and dr explained to him that he has dementia and is in a stage 2 of 1 to 10. The cause is TIA's and having witnessed one such episode, I now know what to look for. I told dr about the anger outbursts and we discussed the frequency and duration. dh seems to accept it all and agreed that a mild anti-depressant was in order, so he is now on that. Will check back with dr the end of July. Also working to get his cholesterol down to prevent more TIA's.

I feel so much better now that dh knows what's going on and is accepting his declining capabilities to some degree. At least, I don't have to pussy-foot around the issue anymore. I know that there will still be episodes of anger but I think I will gradually learn ways to deal with them. Right now I am just glad it's all out in the open.

Yes, Bobcat, the antidepressant seems to be helping. There have been no outburts of anger since he started it. That may also be due to his knowing what he is dealing with and making an effort not to blow off. Anyway, it is much calmer.

Got my office finally in shape so that I can walk in and start playing with stuff without feeling guilty about the mess. Will get the bedroom curtains up tomorow, living room curtains shortened and up next week, and a major bead order ready for August. New genealogy software coming so I can pick up that research again.

Feeling pretty good about everything.

Thanks much for your thoughts.

Farmgirl, I am sorry I haven't responded to this thread before now. I hope the anti-depressant is helping as intended. I do think at times, what if I was taking care of my spouse, instead of a parent.

The courage and determination of you, Mae, gypsy, Billie G, and others boogles my mind. I may be in your shoes one day, so I hope you will continue to share the hard times and successes, how you survive. Thanks, I really mean it. BC

Thanks MERRWID, you make a lot of sense. I know it will be up and down, like a see-saw. I just hope I don't get seesick. lol I watch him closely for changes and try to intervene a little when I see things going south. Mostly just reassuring him that no one is going to leave or put him in a nursing home, and we don't cross bridges until we get to them.

Mae, thank you for your input. He is on medication to bring his cholesterol counts down to prevent further TIA's or stroke, and a very low dosage antidepressant to even out his moods and hopefully lessen the anger outburts. He will see doctor the end of July for follow up and I watch him closely from here. I feel like I'm on a see-saw with his moods sometimes, so will see how he does now.

Hi Bobcat, thanks for your input. Dr has him on cholesterol medication to bring those numbers down and hopefully prevent more TIA's or stroke. The anti-depressant he is on is extremely low dose, and he will follow up in six weeks on that. And, of course, I keep an "eagle eye" on things here. Dh did get me up in the middle of the night to talk. He wanted to know how much I had discussed with the doctor and when the doctor and I were going to put him in the nursing home. I assured him that the only time I talked to the doctor was during his appointments when he could take part in the discussion. He then wanted to know if he should leave or if I were going to leave. Again, I reassured him as best I could that no one was going anywhere. He is fearful of being left alone with no one to rely on. We did discuss his anger outburts with the doctor, and the last thing in our midnight conversation was that he wanted me to know that he would never harm me. After that, he seemed to sleep pretty good the rest of the night. This morning he enjoyed breakfast out and a trip to Wal Mart.

My husband had quite a few TIAS but was not the cause of his dementia.Parkinsons with Lewey Bodies.His worst moments were the times when he had UTI .They would cause such an extreme change in his personality.The only time I was in fear.I soon began to reconize one coming on, even at the early stages.His legs would ache as did his back.He became so tired and he would have problems urinating.The urge was there but he would take a while to go.Because he was unaware of an suttle changes it was up to me to be on the alert.The last,severe, uti caused him to never walk again.The doctor failed to listen to me about the antibiotic that always worked for him.After ten days, he realized I was right but it was too late.His dementia symptoms were paranod psychosis.Meds worked most of the time.When he showed signs of severe chanhe a small amount if Ativan was prescribed.Not an ongoing medication.Just until it took the edge off.The best I could do was reassure him that no one was going to hurt him or steal what was his.This was where his dementia was focused.Amazing, all his life his nighmares were focused on these two symptoms.We were asked if he had experienced any war trama ot trama as a child.None that we had been aware.
I would sit by his bed and pat him like a baby and keep re assuring him all was ok.That I would not allow anyone to harm him in any way.He was put on anti depressant as he would bawl like a baby.Likely the VA doctor was here to witness this.He cried thinking I was going to leave him.So sad to watch.The meds controlled this.
MY HUSBAND WAS ALWAYS PUT ON THIS FRONT THAT HE WAS SUCH A STRONG PERSON AND NOTHING BOTHERED HIM.Something taught from his parents growing up.So he held everything in, which caused his colotis which , in time , turned to cancer.He built this wall to protect himself.Never allowing people to see the vunerable person he truly was.He carried his emotional pain witin.I SAW THE SAME WITH MY MOTHER AND AUNT.a SIGN OF THE ERA THEY WERE RAISED.You were viewd as being weak if you behaved less then WWWWWwhat was perceived as being a man.I witnessed this when I was in the presence of him and his family.A fami;y trait.More with the men.Amazing, his sisters married men who lived under the same set of ideas.His siter had the same ideas and applied them to her relationship with her husband.Men were not allowed to show signs of weakness or being vunerable.
I see, witin my boys and daughter this is no longer accepted behavior, thank god.I see so much of this held in pain surface when the person is afflicted with dementia.
My husband was so relieved when he realized that I was taking care of him and keeping him safe from all harm.I would lay my head on his pillow and just let him know I will be there to protect him.The tough part was having him relize I was not trying to control him..Many of the men has responsibilty at a very young age.Many sacrifices were made at their expense.
My husband never really shared until later .Then little by little I began to understand him.He his all his fears, self doubts and insecurities.After all that was how he was raised.I saw with all three of my loved ones that reassuring them ment so much.Fear is such a strong emotion with our elderly under any circumstance.Now that I have reached 68 I can understand their fears.Sadly there are thode who will take advantage of others fears.

Hi farmgirl, I am curious. Dementia from TIAs isn't necessarily progressive. If the cause of his TIAs can be addressed, he may not have more. If it is not addressed, he might run the risk of a serious stroke. I hope you will look into this further. If the TIAs are stopped, sometimes other parts of the brain can take over the damaged parts. This is not always true, but sometimes therapy really can help. Occupational, physical, etc., but mostly meds that prevent strokes, and if needed, to relieve depression.

I am not a big fan of anti-depressants. Sometimes they are related to increased risk of falls, so please ask the doctor about that and be prepared.. When they are needed and used correctly, they work wonders.

That is just an opinion, not medical advice. Still, if he is having TIAs , he would be well off to see a specialist.

Breathe... ((((hugs))) BC

All righty then! Now you can do some searching to find out what to expect as he declines.
Don't expect him to follow all the stages exactly, and don't expect to keep to a timetable either.
He will "plateau" out between TIAs, but each one will cause another decline. It's sort of like going down a staircase with wide steps and landings. So it's very good news that you are all trying to prevent more from happening.
If he is otherwise pretty healthy, things should level out as soon as the new meds kick in. I'm sure a lot of his anger is due to frustration - he knew he wasn't the same and things didn't feel quite right - but now that you know WHY, you can both deal better with the situation.
I wish you luck on the incredible journey you're undertaking. Remember we'll all be here to get you back on the road when you swerve off.