Somebody tell me what's going on, please.

My dh has not been feeling well since the middle of June. He spends the day in his chair, either reading or sleeping. Some days all he does is sleep. His voice is weak, when he walks he is so careful, and usually has a hand on some kind of support, wall, counter, etc. Sometimes he hesitates before he puts a foot on the floor, like he is off balance a little. He is letting me do more and more for him, getting his coffee, fixing his cereal and fruit in the morning, getting his water jug recharged, taking care of his feet. There is very little conversation, when he does talk, it is about the past, stories I have heard over and over, and still listen to.

Yesterday he made the comment that not feeling good was now the norm for him. I very gently said that at this point he might never feel really good again. He did not argue or dispute it. It seems that he is tired and is giving up.
I want to scream.

Thank you God, for the good days!
If we can't have a lot of them, can we at least have some bad days that aren't as bad as others?
Thank you. Amem

We have checked with his doctor about depression and he doesn't think there is anything to worry about there. It is just that dh is getting old and tired, it's hard for him to go out for long periods of time, but we do get out to breakfast occasionally and he does do some shopping with me. I try to keep the outings short, his favorite place to go is the used bookstore (mine, too). We will just truck along until October. His motto is "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." He'll go to the doctor every six months for his regular checkup. He has his bad days and his good ones, today is a good day.

FG I agree with MB on this its does sound an awful lot like depression and one thing you must be aware of is that depression can and does become physical. The feeling he has can very much be caused by depression lack of appetite lack of will wanting to sleep because anything is better than what he is feeling.
Is he on a depression med at this time?
If not call his PCP and tell him whats going on.
If he is maybe the dosage needs to be adjusted OR it is failing him in that case it needs to be changed to another.
You state he gets out every once in a while so why is there hassle getting him into see the PCP?
Doesnt he want to find out if he can get help for this?
Another thought the PCP's usually have an LVN on staff could they send him/her out to check on him maybe?

quote:

He is my heart and my life.

...and he is a very lucky man.

I think all I can do is hang in. This man is stubborn beyond stubborn and the symptoms seem to come and go. He will have his usual doctor appointment in October and the only way to get him there before would be for two husky guys to forcefully carry him out of the house. I wouldn't subject him to that indignity. All I can do is just be here for him and be ready to do what I have to when things change. It will be when he falls or can't get out of bed or his chair. He still goes out to eat once in a while and I encourage that, and find excuses to get him out to where he can walk a little, like Wal Mart. He is my heart and my life.

Farmgirl, have you discussed this with his doctor? It sounds like he is very much aware of his physical/cognitive changes and is becoming depressed.

As for the rest, sad to say, that is typical. He will let you do more and more for him as he is less and less able. He will talk more about things in the past because he can't remember stuff from the present or recent past. The way surfaces appear to him may be different - he may be losing his balance, or things may not appear to him the way they do to the rest of us. Transitions between flooring surfaces are particularly troubling - like from carpet to hard floor, or tile to throw rug, etc.

If his voice is becoming weak, he may need some speech therapy to strengthen his swallowing muscles.

Unfortunately the pregrssion of this disease is relentless and folks don't stay the same... Talk to the doc and tell him all of these symptoms... He can order speech therapy via home health, etc. or whatever he deems appropriate for your husband's care.

Hang in there. It IS a heartbreaking process to watch helplessly. All we can do is love them with all our hearts and try to keep them happy, comfortable and safe. Take some deep breaths, dear, and know you are NOT alone! Take care of yourself, too and don't keep all of this inside.

Many blessings to you and your DH!