I don't know the appropriate title for these remarks. My husband has been told by the doctor that he has alzheimers..We had one evening of normal processing of the subject. We actually talked about it and he told me that he wanted to be placed in an 'asylum' if he became unable to control his behvior and/or was violent. I had the chance to ask him if the tables were turned and it was me, what he would do..he told me he would give me the best care he could provide. I told him I would do the same for him. I went to sleep feeling that finally we could be open about it and make plans for the future. I woke up hearing him tell our son that I had taken him to an alzheimers doctor because I thought he had alzheimers. We've not been able to discuss it since. He is reluctantly taking aricept. I was so disappointed that he 'reverted'. I feel exhausted.
Also, his paranoia of my spending all the money and unfounded suspicion of me if I run errands,go to my own doctor's appointments, etc.has become worse lately but has been a problem over the years anyway. Its not pleasant to come home to such fury and I've learned that it makes no difference to try to assure him these ideas are wrong. Now that he has alzheimers, is he just home free? Do I just go somewhere and pound a pillow? With children who behave badly, there are consequences. He is in the mild to moderate stage. Does he need to know when he is out of line? Or do we just smile and take it. I would feel better being under a rock. With bad behavior that is NOT the disease what can be done? I'm ranting.
If anyone has any experience with this,I'd sure appreciate some input.
Oh, I was registered back in 2002,I noticed..Tried to 'join' and was already a member. Have been lurking as a guest way too long.
Maybe its just the moon..where is it??

Hello all and thank you for your helpful comments. Especially helpful to know that anything I say sounds familiar! Ettarp, welcome fellow lurker.

In some of these situations of paranoia or whatever one can call it, I've tried to defend myself and I've tried saying nothing to defend myself. The outcome is no different. I've tried to be calm and conversational to dispute some of the accusations and I've been so completely angry that I've yelled at him.
I like the idea of walking out, getting myself out of the line of fire.
Maybe that is why I feel better when I go outside to check on our little travel trailer. I sometimes go out to check the windows, etc. and have, at times, just sat there for a time. Then I feel silly at just sitting but you know, it is a relief to be out there for even a few minutes. So Mae, this might be a little haven when needed. Thanks..

Thanks,Lynne, for information on the medications. The neuropsychologist told me that the aricept won't improve the difficulties he already has, but will allow him to maintain where he is. ?

MomsB, yes, doing something FOR him helps. He is agreeable if I have to go do things or get things for him. Its a time thing though and his idea of how long it should take and how long it actually takes are never the same, so it won't get better. I'm not very tough but it has helped to vent and to hear in response, that many of you understand and have some ideas that I certainly need.

Thanks
Judy

quote:

I had the chance to ask him if the tables were turned and it was me, what he would do..he told me he would give me the best care he could provide.

Judy, thie issue you describe has got to be one of the most gut-wrenching in this whole deal. You do need to develop a close working relationship with his doc because it will be YOU reporting his behavior in the future... The doc needs to know if heis anger starts getting out of hand so that your husband's meds, etc. can be adjusted.

Perhaps to smooth his ruffled feathers when you go out, bring him some kind of little surprise - anything. SOmething thoughtful, something he likes to eat, anything. Then you have a way to turn his suspicions to the fact of how you were thinking of him while you were away... Who knows, it might work...

Hang in there, dear. I think you are one tough lady!!

Hi Judy.I was dx nearly 9 years ago.I wish your hubby could accept this & go on living.I have.I took Aricept for 4 yrs.When it stopped working I talked to my Dr.& we agreed I would take Reminyl(razadyne now)I started taking Namenda last monday,agreeing with my Neuro.to start now rather than wait 'til I'm in the middle stages.
Thinking back though,I wish I would have had my Neuro.then.My family Dr is not too smart when it comes to Ad,but then most aren't.
I can't tell you the many antidepressants I took,one time I was on 3 at one time & they made me sick & lost 15 lbs,before I finally woke up & said "NO MORE".
I had a frank talk with my family Dr.about it(oh boy)Anyway I'm on Remeron now 30mg & am good with that.
I do have other health problems.

When dealing with those afflicted with an illness it requires walking on egg shells.That is why you need to find a release for all those feelings you have to hold inside.

Judy, My husband has Lewey Body Dementia and behaves the same way.It has be ongoing for quite a while.Not sure if it was the dementia or just his lack of self confidence that caused the verbal remarks.He was taking meds for over a year that helped qwell this behavior.Now, as the disease enhances, the verbal flack becomes worse and consistent.It is not easy to hear these things when we do all we can to make them safe and well cared for.To hear all this negative directed at you is so hard to hear.I leave the room when he starts with the verbal attacks.If they have no forum then they cannot sound off.If he has said these things before, they will enhance as the disease progresses, I say that from experience.
I have dealt with this, lately, but stepping outside the position of being the wife and he my husband.THE ONLY WAY TO PROTECT MY SELF FROM THE HURT.This diesease has taken over the person who was once my husband.So I deal with him with that thought.7It is hard not to want to respond and defend your self.It will do no good and cause him to become agitated, angry and become worse.If you are able, have a room in the house that is for you.Have a set schedule for him and allow time for you to go to this room , shut the door and find something that wil distract you from this.
I would ask his doctor for medicines for this behavior.Nothing to make him a zombie, but something to calm him.
Is hubby seeing a neurologist?They are better equipt to deal with this problem.Also a gheriatric doctor can do more.Please continue to post as it is a good way to saher your day and release all those feelings you are experienceing

Hi Judy, I'm new and have been reading a lot these past 5 years. Your husband and mine could almost be the same person. He had encephalitis 2000 with a stroke. The first years was hard and he was very emotional.These last 2yrs have been a nightmare. He refuses to go back to the Dr's. and take any pills. He is now 72 and I'm 65. He has also been legally blind for the past 30yrs sooooooo, Ive been his chauffeur all these years. He did have excessive damage to his frontal lobe (sp) from the stroke. I try to do what they say at the AL. support group and not say anything to get him angry, but I'm walking on eggshells all the time.