I think we've reached a major turning point. We just spent a wonderful week in Portland, Oregon visiting a friend. Hubby bought me clothes, beads, and books to bring home. Our friend took us to marvelous restaurants. Hubby told us before we left that he wouldn't see his 90th birthday (he's 87 now). I think this was the last big thing he could do for me, a kind of farewell gift.

Today at our favorite used bookstore he told me that the books would be his thing now. He said that he couldn't get out anymore and that I would do the shopping. He drove home from the bookstore and said he was done driving.

He wanted his room fixed for his books. My brother came over and helped him move his big desk; our nephew will take him to get the bookcases and put them together and up so he will then have his private sanctuary.

But I have been close to tears all day although I have taken his pronouncements calmly. I want to fall apart and know I can't for his sake. He will see his doctor next week and I am going to ask about a handicapped tag for the car for when I take him to the clinic or out to eat.

I knew when we were on our trip that it was leading up to this, just felt it. How do I stay normal when I am so tore up inside??

Hi Farmgirl!
Remember when you were a newlywed? Every day was a new adventure, something new learned, and both of you made adjustments to a new way of life - a life together.
That's what life is - every day a new adventure, every day another adjustment. No, they're nothing like the ones you made years ago, and they seem to be coming faster and faster, but that's probably because your dear husband has been thinking about things for a while, and when something is said, it feels like a 2x4 between the eyes. He's made his choice to stop driving and to hole up with his books. Hopefully there's room in there for YOUR comfy chair, too. Relax while you can, when you can.
OK, maybe it's not normal - but it is the way it is. And you'll both adjust.
We'll be here for you. Now go give that old man a hug, will ya'. (I'm "allowed" to say 'old man', aren't I? My husband was 80!)

quote:

How do I stay normal when I am so tore up inside??

Whats normal sweetie? Not one of us are, so what do you do? You speak to someone you trust you come here and let it out anything as long as its away from him. You cheer him on to fight the good fight.
I wish I could give you a big hug FG for all you do and all you are going through your a shining example of what a Caregiver and a compassionate human being is never forget that.
Take each day as they come, appreciate them, thats all any of us can do

farmgirl, hate to say, from my point of view, there is no "Normal"

Please, enjoy these good days, and enjoy every other one you might have. No mortal counts the days. That is a fact. Do not waste a good day thinking about a bad day soon.

He is predicting more than 2+ years away. Mom is 92. she has had problems for years, she is still hanging in.

Farmgirl, keep him going. Let him know you are not giving up. But when it does come up, he will have someone primarily you at all times.