How do you deal with personality changes? Recently hubby and I were at our favorite restaurant for lunch. He asked our waitress if she had gained weight and she said no. He said it really looked like she had. I couldn't get him to shut up. The waitress just walked off and never came back out before we left. This type of inappropriate comments have happened before and is just not like he used to be. I worry more about these personality changes than I do the physical decline. It hurt me because I like this waitress and am not sure if I can go into that restaurant again. And there's not that many good places to eat in this small town! I let him know that he was way out of line but he just sort of ignored it. How do you cope with personality changes that cause embarassment, etc. It hurts so much to see this happening.

I'm glad you're feeling better farmgirl. Truly nice people don't want to believe the worst in others. I think by your approach, not only did you feel better but it helped restore her faith in what she's always felt towards you and hubby.

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Originally posted by farmgirl:
Sandy, you are exactly right! I stopped by the restaurant this afternoon and explained to her that hubby is failing and showing beginning signs of dementia, although mild at this point. She told me she cried for two days after he mouthed off, but felt better knowing what was going on. We had a real good talk. She has a co-worker with a mother who has dementia, so she knew something about it and was very understanding. I felt like crap when I went into the restaurant, and pretty durn good when I came out. Othern than here, this is the first time I have acknowledged this problem to anyone. Thanks for all your help.

Sandy, you are exactly right! I stopped by the restaurant this afternoon and explained to her that hubby is failing and showing beginning signs of dementia, although mild at this point. She told me she cried for two days after he mouthed off, but felt better knowing what was going on. We had a real good talk. She has a co-worker with a mother who has dementia, so she knew something about it and was very understanding. I felt like crap when I went into the restaurant, and pretty durn good when I came out. Othern than here, this is the first time I have acknowledged this problem to anyone. Thanks for all your help.

Farmgirl, go up to that waitress and tell her your husband has an illness. She ill understand. I had a client who used to tell me I looked I gained 50 lbs. but I knew it was his medications that was doing it.

You know Farmgirl....just a thought....if you have frequented this resturant alot I wouldnt be surprised if she already "gets it" that your hunny is suffering an ailment. This is off character for him right?

I think whatever insult the waitress initially felt will turn into lots of compassion once you explain the situation farmgirl. Chances are she probably wondered if something wasn't allright with your husband. Your husband is very lucky to have you on his side. And I'm sure all your acquaintances know you're both good people. Don't despair.

Sandy

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Originally posted by farmgirl:
Thanks for all your suggestions. I can make up little business cards that would work. Tomorrow I am going out and I will stop by the restaurant and talk to the waitress and explain. We are both well liked at that restaurant and I would hate to stop going there. It's crap having to run interference, but geuss I can do it. It hurts beyond hurt when someone you love so much begins to lose that personality that made you fall in love. No matter what, I love him and will "stand by my man." Thanks so much.

Thanks for all your suggestions. I can make up little business cards that would work. Tomorrow I am going out and I will stop by the restaurant and talk to the waitress and explain. We are both well liked at that restaurant and I would hate to stop going there. It's crap having to run interference, but geuss I can do it. It hurts beyond hurt when someone you love so much begins to lose that personality that made you fall in love. No matter what, I love him and will "stand by my man." Thanks so much.

Don, I like the way you would handle this

I just had a thought. If you kept some note cards in your purse and your husband said something inappropriate - discreatly write "My husband has ..... and didn't mean to offend you. Thank you for your excellent service." and leave it with the tip. I always try to leave a generous tip when my wife takes 2 hours to finish her meal. I tend to not bring up my wife's problems unless somebody asks. Don

Angel thats accurate. You can have most anything printed on these cards for just such an occasion. And Farmgirl you could probably find a printer online or since you are computer friendly print them up yourself. My girlfriend does it for me and you can get the blank business cards from a place like "Office Max" (or whatever office supply store is in your area)

FarmGirl - in all proabability, this waitress likes you too and I would think/hope she'd understand if you maybe, took her aside and explained to her what's going on. Because of her reaction and not coming back out, she probably doesn't know that your husband is sick. People are a lot more understanding than we sometimes give them credit for when hurt feelings are involved. Ya know the saying...soothe ruffled feathers!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: SandyF,

Dont know if you'd feel comfortable doing this or not but I read that some people are actually making up cards that resemble business cards. The card reads *something like this, now dont quote me, you can change the words around*..."Hello, i just want to inform you that my beloved husband/wife/grandmother/dad is suffering from alzheimers/dementia and is prone to inappropriate comments and behavior. Please dont be offended, he/she cant help it. Thank you."

Okay so if anyone on this board knows what i am talking about and knows the CORRECT phrasing for this then please jump in but that is an idea i read on another alzheimers support group site. I am sure they didn't use that exact phrase but you get my point. The card is handed to people at outings (without the LO seeing of course) and can help innocent people who are wondering what the heck is wrong with this person. MY card would have to read "LOOK, my granny is just plain ole mean sometimes. Just ignore her, she will forget in 3 minutes. Sorry if she offends you BUT IMAGINE LIVING WITH HER!!! thank you for your patience "