I really am glad Mom will speak up for herself, but this shows how easily misunderstandings and hurt feelings can get started. I am still not sure this won't become a regular issue.

Fortunately, I was still there and could see both sides,hopefully nipped it in the bud.

Mom is really dependant on her walker. She is even nervous when it is a few feet away when she eats off a tray for breakfast in her room. Anyway the agency lady who came tonight (basically satisfactory, pleasant, concientious), gets Mom up from her nap, in and out of the bathroom and settled in her chair. Then proceeds to fold up the walker and put it aside. Mom yelled at her "Don't Take My Walker!!"

Maybe I should have seen how they would work it out, but I intervened immediately. I smiled sweetly at them both and said "Mom , lets talk this out without too excited, OK. Fall prevention is the first thing on her list so I think she believes you won't get up without her here to help you anyway, so she thought it would be alright to put your walker out of the way. {turning to CG} Mom's anxiety level gets high if she can't reach her walker at all times. What can she say to you so that you are comfortable with her keeping her walker while you are in the kitchen fixing dinner? {Back to Mom} You can keep your walker here you promise to wait for her to come for you before you stand up now what do you want her to do so you can keep that promise? {back to CG} Will you promise to check in with her if you are going out of hearing range to let her know how long it will be before you are back to check on her?" I felt like a marriage counselor. Both parties agreed and shook hands.

It worries me though, how Mom is recently frantic about her walker. The other full time CG has noticed it too. I think I will be repeating this little intervention with each CG several times before she relaxes about this. (If she Ever Does) Walkers, hearing aids glasses, teeth.... It is all so important. I hope everyone will be prepared to address this if it comes up with your LO. I wear glasses and I am frantic if the dentist wants to put them over on the counter. I want them in MY hand. Not so different.

Take very special care of their stuff and carefully avoid ever giving them the notion that their stuff is not respected as THEIR STUFF. Bless 'em.

If Mom's anxiety level stays high after we are certain no one "hides her stuff", I guess I will need to talk to her PCP. It could be a medical issue, but I hope to resolve this.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

quote:

This is actually an easier concept for those only having basic first aid and a background of house keeping. I think Mom was becoming resentful of being treated like a patient by the agency people.

There it is in a nutshell BC I hear you Some of the "clients" my agency gave to me at first required less hands on and more companionship than anything that would drive me batty.
I had to tell them to give me cases that required a higher level of skill its not easy just sitting or cleaning for people at all I need to be in the thick of it.
Agencies are "interesting" to work for, I think its better suited to people who enjoy being a companion more than anything else.
You always have to be mindful and try not to step on folks toes...

Thanks for all your support and ideas. The test kit was such an easy way to be relieved in this case, but if it had shown anything at all, I would have had ammo with her Doc to get to the bottom of it.

Mom is kind of a tricky case for people who have training, As old and frial as she is, she still is a client more than a patient. This is actually an easier concept for those only having basic first aid and a background of house keeping. I think Mom was becoming resentful of being treated like a patient by the agency people. Hopefully we have this straightened out now.

Bobcat, so nice to come here and see you were able to resolve this with no problem.Thios brings a smile to my face.

Happy, happy, joy, joy !
Glad it was just your mom putting you young ones in your place about her STUFF !
Gotta love her spunk!

How did you like the test kit BC? Simple huh
Glad to hear moms doing better and it was nohing serious

I spent the last 24 hours with her. It does seem to be a passing thing. It would appear after "the talk", CG didn't push the point, left her walker open and in reach. Mom seemed to be very comfortable.

Following DOCHKA's mention, I have picked up a hometest from Walgreens.

For everyone.... I consider it (the home test)to be an alert system sort of thing. Maybe a double checksystem thing. This time it seems that UTI may not be involved. She was back to her sweet self after I backed her up about her walker being close to hand.

I hope I can always back her up, or at least make it seem that way. In truth I am on her side.. always.

All of those I cared for needed to know I was close by.A sense of being safe .Bless their hearts

Mariabee, I experienced all of what you have ststed with my mother and aunt.They wanted everything nice and neat for them so they were aware of ech thing that gave them a sense of order.I know all about being called.I had two calling me.I use to say my heart would out last the rest of my body with all the running up and down the steps.When one called me I never moved so fast as fear something happened to one of them.My heart would beat so fast when the thought enter my mind.I responded as so because they kept the same tone of vice when it was an emergecy or just a every day thing.I thik I put much miles on myself each day going up and down the stairs, I live in a bi level so the kitchen is on the upper floor.
Because they were working people they knew how important it was to have all their ducks in a row to do a good job.
That I understood.I learned their ideas worked for me when doing the dees of the day.Organization does make the wheels turn alot easier.Saves alot of steps for the caregiver

quote:

Originally posted by mae:
A closed walker does not give her sense of freedom.

I tend to think that this could be the whole is deal, myself. My mom was always very "worried" about her walker after she became dependent upon help for getting around. She, on the other hand, could not be trusted to not use it alone. So I would leave it open within her sight, and close enough that it appeared to her that it was within her reach...but not close enough for her to actually reach it. This necessitated her calling out for me to help her get the thing so she could get up and go to the bathroom, etc., and prevented her from walking around without my assistance.

On the other hand, Mom was not just anxious about her walker; but about EVERYthing: "Where was I? What time is it? Where is my watch? Will you feed me? Are you going somewhere? Is that lady (CNA) coming?" ...ad inifinitum! So, it may well be an anxiety problem, too. Eventually, we found a couple of meds that helped tremendously with the anxiety. But when she had a UTI or a sluggish bowel, it would all come back in spades!

...just stuff to think about

Hugs, BC! I REALLY hope it is just a passing thing.

maria

quote:

I started to just PM a little vent to a buddy. So glad I put this out here in the open. Now I have 5 experienced minds pointing out possibilities and helping me work on this.

Plus I see that it is a discussion that may benefit others to be alert about the little things and what they could mean.

You are SOOOOOO right, BC! Because we live so close to eldercare, sometimes we have trouble seeing the forest for the trees! Noticing subtle changes on a day-to-day basis is like watching continental drift occurring...

Many times, observations, assistance and ideas come from the darnedest of places so it makes sense to gather as much as possible from as many sources as possible. Having posts like this DO help other people who read them later to help them rethink difficulties they are having with their loved ones.

If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes an entire county to care for an elderly loved one!

I have my fingers crossed that this is just a little of your mom being "set in her ways" and nothing more sinister. We DO all become inured to our patterns of living, especially when there is not much going on... I have found that the less stimulation and variation from schedule, the more "clingy" folks can become to details and rituals of everyday life.

Hope everthing comes out well, BC. Keep us posted!

I started to just PM a little vent to a buddy. So glad I put this out here in the open. Now I have 5 experienced minds pointing out possibilities and helping me work on this.

Plus I see that it is a discussion that may benefit others to be alert about the little things and what they could mean.

We may not be able to win the war, but when we win a battle it sure is nice. I will let you all know what is going on as soon as I do.

Oh yeah one other thing BC I dont know if y'all have your heater on all the time but I want you to think on this if Mom is not hydrating properly.
Hydration is another thing to think about here and one thing that keeps striking me upside the head here is that a lot of patients are in fact a little more agitated than normal in the winter months...heaters goin all the time lower humidity levels diminished senses in the elderly adds up to dehydration being another cause if its not a UTI.
Warm water or room temp is the best the body absorbs it better than cold water

Honey dont kick yourself at all my bet is that CG also thought of this but with the way we have to operate in peoples homes if we say anything out of line to the LO's family (and yes this could be considered out of line for the family) it could be misinterpreted (Iv already had it happen)
The one thing I can suggest to you...IF you trust this CG tell her if she EVER has a suspicion about anything concerning Mom to bring it to your attention and that you wont hold anything against her. As always its better to be safe than sorry in the long run

When I learned, on this forum, how behavioral changes can be due to UTIs, it was something I would never have even thought about!

My local Walgreens sells an at home test. Phew,
I couldn't see dragging her to the ER for EVERY change she has experienced. Plus it is comforting to know you can eliminate that possibility when it's a minor change.

Since your mom is still in a fairly good place mentally, maybe it IS just a security blanket issue. Don't panic, you will figure it out.

Each small decline sends me spinning, too.
But it's only natural because we love them so much.

Please keep us updated. Hang in there!

Slap me silly and call me Nelly, I had been thinking, "behavioral", dreading the thought of depression, and adding meds for that. After everything I have learned here, how could I NOT put possible UTI in the mix as alternative explaination for this. It will not be overlooked. Her PCP will write the order so that I can take a sample to Lab Corps. They give me cups to keep at home. Hopefully I can get this done before I have my tooth pulled Tues.

Even if its not involved, I can take that off the table and it won't be neglected..

Bobcat, I recall my mother and aunt had to know things were available to them at the beginning of the day.They needed that sense of stability .I feel youer concern about this change with your loved one.When we know them so well we are aware of anything that is against their normal behavioor.
Hope this proves to be just a phase.
My mother and aunt had to be shown their pocket book every day and show them their money.
There were other things too numerous to mention.
I can only imagine what goes through their minds.

BC I am rereading the post and it struck me this is a recent thing you say the other CG in fact commented on it do you think she may have a UTI maybe? If this behavior is new I think Id have her checked out just to be safe.
If you dont want to risk upsetting her there is a company that you can buy a kit from in fact one of my patients had these test kits.

http://www.homehealthtesting.com/uti-tests.ht

The other thing that comes to mind Depression era kids as adults act like this Iv noticed but this is in Dementia cases and I think you've pretty much said this is not an issue for Mom or is it?
Im thinking seriously she needs to be seen if this gets any worse

Thanks again. She has always been very good using the walker correctly, using the arms of the chair to sit or rise, not the walker. I have noticed recently that she does use it to steady one arm or the other as she pull her house coat on or off. She is using it more in that way.

She will get a bell tomorrow night. Plus, I will put batteries in the monitor so that it can go with the CGs where ever and what ever they are doing. We used it only at night before we started sleeping in the same room with her.

Everyone better be prepared. Until she gets secure again, she will be calling or ringing just to see if we answer. I hope this will regain her confidence.

BC, did you ever notice if she uses the walker (instead of the arms of the chair) to push herself up, or reposition herself?
I understand that your mom really shouldn't be getting herself up and walking unattended, and also that this is a big "Don't Take My Things!" issue, but was just wondering if that was a small part of wanting the walker close by and open.