I'm new to this forum and I need advice. My mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. She is in a memory care unit of a nursing home and requires quite a bit of assistance with personal hygiene(she is 87)but her memory fades in and out. Most of the other residents are worse than she is, so she has little opportunities to talk except with the nurses and aids working there. The facility says it provides activities but they are not very frequent. She tends to be much better when I'm visiting and I can keep her engaged mentally. As it is, there are no newspapers to read and rarely do they watch TV, so their sense of time has diminished. My brother lives locally and visits her once a week. I live out of State and only get to visit a few days every 6 weeks or so. The problem is this - most of the residents are restricted from walking around. They have the residents sitting in a chair hooked to an alarm so if they try to get up the aids are notified. My mother needs to be active and walks quite well with a walker. She has circulation problems in her legs and sitting for long periods is not good for her. My brother and I have asked them to let her walk around but they are worried she may fall and get hurt. Is there anything we can do to get her more attention or should we be looking for a new facility? Mom is lonely and very depressed. She frequently has the nurse call my brother and she cries to be picked up and wants to live with him. Neither of us would be able to give her the care she needs and she is not abused physically and is kept safe where she is. It's just heartbreaking for my brother and I. Are there any volunteers/groups we can contact that would send someone to visit with her on a more frequent basis to talk and walk with her?

T.o.r.p. the best advocate for our loved one is us.

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Originally posted by ChrisG:

As for checking on how the residents are treated, I've spent many hours there when I'm home and the staff seem to be very caring and patient -- even with the most difficult of people. My brother and his wife have scheduled an appointment with the Directing Social Worker to see what can be done about letting her walk around more and getting her more activities. I'll let you know how things turn out. Thanks again. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this.

It's good that your family is following up. I have had to act as her advocate in a number of situations, and the staff was willing to make certain changes to accomodate her. Sometimes they'll complain to us when they aren't telling the staff what they want. We were asked to sign limited waivers for a few things, such as dietary and use of her walker.

The facilities have to err on the side of caution in these matters, I presume for liability reasons. Of course, all of this is presuming that it is a good facility who are primarily concerned with the wellbeing of the residents.

Thank you for all of the helpful advice I received regarding my Mom's situation in the memory care unit. I didn't know that getting visits from someone they don't see often causes a different reaction and perks them up.

As for checking on how the residents are treated, I've spent many hours there when I'm home and the staff seem to be very caring and patient -- even with the most difficult of people. My brother and his wife have scheduled an appointment with the Directing Social Worker to see what can be done about letting her walk around more and getting her more activities. I'll let you know how things turn out. Thanks again. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this.

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I wonder if the fact that it's a nonprofit run by a church denomination makes a difference? It's a continuing care place, and we were told that they operate on a "social model" whatever that means.

I think that can make ALL the difference, TORP! Since hospitals becamse "for profit," health care has gone down the tubes. I am so GLAD you have told us about the place where your mom is because with what so many of us have in our area, it would be easy to believe it's like that everywhere! It gives me HOPE that maybe there is SOMEWHERE that people do the job RIGHT and with HEART!

I tell you what. The more I read about other facilities, the more thankful I am that we have such a wonderful place a mile from our front door. There are occasionally little odd issues I have to deal with, but overall they give such personal, loving care to the residents.

I wonder if the fact that it's a nonprofit run by a church denomination makes a difference? It's a continuing care place, and we were told that they operate on a "social model" whatever that means.

Moms Buddy, AMEN, AMEN , AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome, ChrisG. Glad you found your way here!

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She is in a memory care unit of a nursing home

Guess my first kneejerk response is, where do they come up with these NAMES? Sounds like she's in a Memory Neglect Unit to me!

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should we be looking for a new facility?

Only you and your brother can truly answer that question, Chris. I personally would not leave my mom whose brain is still pretty high-functioning in a place with those policies. In fact, I haven't seen a place yet that I would put my mom, but that's a whole 'nuther shootin match! While I realize that there are good facilities that take excellent care of some patients, I also realize that they are few and far between. The care you are describing amounts to about what one could expect from a mid-priced boarding kennel. Even though caring for a loved one at home is challenging, there are home health agencies who will come out and assist. You and your brother know your mom better than we do... what TORP has pointed out is quite true of SOME patients; other patients are truly MISERABLE and still others (hopefully only a few) are crying out for help because, despite what it LOOKS like on visiting day, they are NOT being well cared for. TORP has a pretty good deal going with the facility where her mom resides; many folks are NOT that fortunate. Because you cannot totally rely on the veracity of her reporting, I would encourage your brother (or you) to go by at odd times to see for yourselves what is going on and what is not going on. Talk with the staff, especially the aides who spend the most time with your mom, but DO investigate your mom's complaints!

The first time I hadda put Mom in rehab (where the geriatric psych unit was located) for a psych evaluation, I was not allowed to take her for a walk because their insurance supposedly did not cover anyone walking the patient except a staff member, and there was no one available right then... I asked them exactly WHO they thought was walking her when she came INTO the facility and who would be walking her OUT when she left? We waited until Nurse Rachett went away and sneaked out anyway. Then the first weekend came and I saw all the wheelchairs lined up along the walls outside the rooms. It was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever seen! During the week, the residents were busy with rehab and activities, but on the weekends, they got parked like muddy boots. Not my mama!! Over my dead body!! SURE, old folks are ALL a fall risk, but that is no reason to deny ambulation and exercise to people who still CAN walk! It's move it or lose it!! Without enough exercise, your mom won't be walking for long, I assure you, and once she's in a chair or the bed, her health will be compromised in ways you cannot dream of! My mom is now bedridden and despite all the trouble it is to watch an elderly loved one who has dementia, a THOUSAND TIMES I would rather be running after her to see what she's into than I would see her lie in that damnable bed day after day after day... She is still fairly alert and would LOVE to be able to do just about ANYTHING except the ravages of being bedbound have imprisoned her.

I can understand that hands-on caregiving is not for everyone, but I think you need to investigate this situation more closely and find your mom a more personalized facility that will try to keep her HEALTHY and stimulated. In the meantime, if she still reads, SUBSCRIBE to the newspaper for her as well as Reader's Digest.

Sorry, love, but there aren't too many folks who volunteer to go to nursing homes and interact with patients on a regular basis. Some pop in here and there, but it's FAMILY who knows the patients and is most needed by them. Visiting once a week just isn't enough... and you are right - she NEEDS more stimulation. Without conversation, people tend to lose their ability to converse. You are right - it IS heartbreaking. If your investigation turns up no validity to her complaints, then perhaps a little extra TLC and coloring books, magazines, talking programs and videos would be enjoyable to her.
Good luck & please keep us posted as to what y'all find...

We've found that these places vary a lot. It's not even necessarily a question of whether they are providing good basic care, but rather if their program and is a good match with your loved one's needs. It might be worthwhile to visit a few other places, just to see what else is available. I will caution, however, that the dementia patients tend to do a nose dive cognitively any time you move them or otherwise upset their routine.

Likewise, they tend to be atypically perked up and alert when they get family visits, especially if it's someone they don't see very often. Our LO sees so much of me (every day) that I'm part of the furniture. My husband is there weekly, and she's usually in high spirits to see him. I think that's natural.

Our loved one went through the calling people and crying to be taken "home." She will still occasionally ask visitors when they walk in whether they are there to take her home with them. She also is known to tell people that nobody ever visits her, although I'm there EVERY DAY, and she gets visits from various people several times a week. She tells people that she doesn't do anything but lie in her bed, but when I arrive she's nearly always doing something whether watching her favorite dvd's with her roommate in their room, or out in the common area playing dominos or doing the daily exercise class (waving scarves to music and so forth). Her facility is small, 48 beds, and has a full time social director.

She didn't want a roommate, but has actually done a lot better cognitively since she's been in a shared room. It was recommended to us. The nursing director did a really great job matching them. Of course, sometimes when I get there, they're both lying in their beds and complaining to each other about their sad lot in life. But hey, it's good to have somebody to whine with you too.

Re the volunteer group, yes. There are these services in our area. You might contact a local church to see if they have a ladies group who visits nursing home patients. Or check with the social worker at the nursing home. She may be able to direct you to some volunteer agencies.

Chris G, unfortunately what you are experiencing is not uncommon.Many just place all afflicted in the same catergory, sad and uncalled for.I have been told their are facilities that do have a more stimulating program for those not so severe.I am in constant contact with a past forum member who is lucky her husband is in such a place.I see so many when all they have them do is sit around the nurses station with no interaction.
If possible, maybe you may want to look around and go on a fact finding search.Go to other facilities , talk to them and have them show you what they offer to someone like mom.They need to have physical stimulation as so many problems can come about.The same with emotional.I use to view some facilites as places that treat their people like herds of cattle.
You are right to be concerned and to be admired