i need some suggestions. my mom is 89 years old and is going to live with me soon. my husband and i have full time jobs, but my siblings and i cannot fully afford to pay a full-time caregiver. we live in southern california and the care givers here charge too much. it seems that only the rich can afford a care giver. there is no way we are moving my mom into a senior-living home because she has always been so dependent on my dad and then us for company when my dad passed away. my mom has always been there for us, but although her mind is still sharp, she is getting weak. i do not know how we can manage to take care of her when we have to go to work. she cannot be by herself anymore ... she loses balance and can no longer cook for herself. i need help with any suggestions.

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If you are worried about your loved one being home alone all day, a Companion rolee could certainly be filled by a high school senior - walk along while walking the dog, water the plants, get lunch ready, etc. All things that a teenager should be capable of doing anyway.

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My teenager is extraordinarily responsible, and is perfectly safe to leave in charge of grandma for an afternoon here and there. But full time caregiving is well beyond what I would have put on her. Among other issues, it would be difficult for her to be sufficiently authoritative (and our LO would NOT have accepted her directions) when grandma was in an ornery mood and wanting to do something foolish.

I don't want anyone to get the impression that I am dumping on teens here... I assisted in the care of my diabetic grandmother from the time I was 13 until her death. My son and his (then) fiancee were both trained to handle certain caregiving responsibilities, but NEITHER would have been of any use if a urinary or bowel accident happened on their watch! Nor would they have been competent to assist if Mom had started vomiting, etc. They did not understand the fine art of assessing someone's mental state at any given moment during the day.

Our CHILDREN get instruction from us and they know their grandparents, at least superficially. A neighbor kid or other young adult does not. It isn't simply a matter of knowing how to make sandwiches for lunch and walk the dog... people need to be trained to spot subtle changes and symptoms of BIG problems. Knowing WHEN to call 911 takes knowledge and assertiveness that young folks as a group do not possess. While elders enjoy the company of young folks, they do NOT take direction from them well as a rule. They are not experienced enough to know how to prevent certain safety hazards with mentally compromised elders.

Once again, if your loved one needs a caregiver, get a mature adult who has training and experience.

Does mom have dementia? Could she be trusted to be able to operate a cell phone like this one? http://www.jitterbug.com/Phones.aspx or a Life Alert or similar call button? Can she get herself on and off the toilet without assistance?

Absent significant dementia, you might be able to get by for a while with a system set up for her to summon emergency help, plus a daily visit by Meals on Wheels to bring lunch. (I spent years as a mow volunteer, and the service is as much to ensure that the client is checked on at least once a day as to bring food.)

I know that the CG services seem expensive, but there are some issues which make them well worth the money:
a. The service handles all the employment tax withholding and reporting to the IRS.
b. The service's employees should have undergone background checks and be certified and bonded (i.e. insured) in case there is a problem.
c. If the CG has car trouble, a sick child, or gets the flu, the service has the resources to provide a substitute so that you aren't scrabbling around to make alternative arrangements and missing work.

My teenager is extraordinarily responsible, and is perfectly safe to leave in charge of grandma for an afternoon here and there. But full time caregiving is well beyond what I would have put on her. Among other issues, it would be difficult for her to be sufficiently authoritative (and our LO would NOT have accepted her directions) when grandma was in an ornery mood and wanting to do something foolish.

The type of care needed DOES make a difference.
If you are worried about your loved one being home alone all day, a Companion rolee could certainly be filled by a high school senior - walk along while walking the dog, water the plants, get lunch ready, etc. All things that a teenager should be capable of doing anyway.
Of course, the more complicated the care, the more experienced the Caregiver should be.
I just feel that the care given should match the level of care needed.
You can never pay a caregiver as much as s/he's worth. The best caregiver anyone can find is not in the job for the money. They do the job they do because they want to; because they love the work they do. You can put a price on the physical things you are aware they are doing, but you can't ever afford to pay for what's in their hearts.

Moms Helper welcome in.
Sorry you are a little shy of funds for mom have you checked with a social worker (Medical) to look into what kind of insurance she may have What did your father have? Was he military there could be some resources you are unaware of that could help you in this.
I also have to agree with MB here it is not a good idea to hire someone off the street with no basic knowledge of your moms ailments her losing balance in itself is cause for alarm on my part what if she were to fall and their not correctly trained in how to assist the fall or if they have no first aid skills if a fall occurs and she needs medical attention.
I work in a nursing service here in Cali and yes they can be expensive but some of us do work outside the office on the side. Trust me when I tell you CNA's make half what the office gets.
Whatever you can afford be firm if their anything like us they do it for the reward NOT the dollars.
I know I do
You can put an ad in the paper saying your in need of a CNA for your mom but MAKE SURE they have references and contact info so that you may contact at least 3 previous clients to question how good their skills truly are.
I dont give a good GD if they were or are a CG Ive seen some in my field that shouldnt be doing this job so make sure you get those references!

MB, I, also recognize the difficulty of using people who are too young or immature for this level of resposibility. All of what you said, plus, during a regular work day, shouldn't they be in school? Our local high school has a vocational program which includes the courses needed to certify as CNA, but even those students cannot be expected to resist using unsupervised time to their own advantage for any longer than a few hours. You are unlikely to have peace of mind like that. Like young children with a baby sitter (risky enough) the elderly are easily neglected, even when no abuse is intended.

Since her mind is still sharp (as you say) and you feel she mostly needs fall prevention and meal preperation, rather than "nursing" for the time being, your options are more open.

Please read the posts about falls. Any of the precautions you can take will help your Mom , you and any CG in your home, to survive with less stress.

http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5506016051/m/5071083034

and

http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5506016051/m/9441066924

There are a lot of tips to help make falls less likely for her. It wouldn't hurt to see if there is a medical issue contributing to the loss of balance, medications, inner ear problems, vision dificulties, things of that sort.

If you haven't already, please establish CA's equivalents of POA and DPOA. You will need to do this to oversee her finances and her medical care.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

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You could try adverizing your needs at local high schools and look for a mature senior to come and stay with her during the day.

I do NOT recommend this course of action! The high school senior who has enough life experience, knowledge and maturity to handle the responsibilities of a caregiving job to an infirm adult is RARE almost to the point of non-existent!! We have had OTHER members of this forum who have unwisely allowed teenagers and very young adults to care for their loved ones and it is a TERRIBLE solution full of unauthorized LD calls, unauthorized visitors (BFs, etc.) and all the trouble that comes from hiring an UNSKILLED UNTRAINED UNSUITABLE person for this VERY important job!!

I would NEVER hire a person of this age unless they were directly supervised AT ALL TIMES by a trained, mature person.

Sorry metromama, as I have expressed before, your suggestion is a poor one. There's a REASON people have to be trained and certified for this type of work and quite a few old threads here are testament to that fact.

Mom's Helper, I understand your remark about the cost. Even in areas where it isn't as much, it is because income levels are lower in general. Upper income people can afford professional gardners, pool cleaners (the pool), personal chefs, nannies, on and on, things the rest of us consider non-essential. Then there is caregiving.

Your mother, hopefully has some income of her own. Social security, Medicare, Check into it and make sure all possible benefits are explored. Other siblings may or may not be able to chip in to cover additional needs, but she is their Mother also. Tell them what you need from them. Don't leave it up to them to guess. You might not get any help, but be honest about the needs. Transportation to medical appointments, Time off, as well as financial support.. And if you end up on your own, I am sorry, it happens.

Find out about the senior resources in your county. There may be daycare, other activities, lists of retirees who can do what is called for at this stage for spending money as previously mentioned. If you are active in a church or civic organization, check there for support, there may be something for you.

In defense of the cost of CGs, They are special people at their best. They are in your home when you are not there. Many have special training and skills, state certification. They are doing something you can't or don't want to do. It is a career for many of them. Their lives depend on this, a full time job, everybit as much as your life depends on your job. They have all the same bills and obligations. A private arrangement will reduce the cost by the agency's fee, and an agency doesn't always give you the quality of care and the trustworthiness you pay them for, but sometimes they do. They can provide people with certification, criminal backgroundchecks, bonded, emergency replacements, and relieve you of payroll headaches and other headaches at their best. They aren't always at their best.

You will find answers I am sure. Sometimes you have to be a bit creative. Best of luck to you. I hope you will share your successes and difficulties with us. Both are important.

Welcome to ECO

Hi Mothers Helper!
I can imagine the cost for a caregiver in CA, because the agencies here in the midwest aren't shy about asking for wages, either!
Metromama had a good idea. Check out any local volunteer groups - someone in one of them might welcome a little money for something they were going to do for free anyway. You didn't say how many siblings there were altogether, but if you go the personal route (instead of through an agency), you can do your own negotiating, and perhaps you can all share in the cost.
My husband at first needed only someone to get his breakfast and lunch for him, and I was able to find someone looking for "spending money".
She was very happy with $25 a day. Of course, you need to specify a lot of things right up front, but that almost goes without saying.
Best of luck with your search!

Dear Mother's Helper. You could try adverizing your needs at local high schools and look for a mature senior to come and stay with her during the day. many future nursing students need to make money for college.