My Dad is trying to introduce the idea of a homecare person to my Mom, who has Alzheimer's.
She has moderate dementia and the Alz. Assoc. suggested he get her used to the situation by having a person come in once a week while Dad's at vol. work, before her disease progresses much more. The trouble is, my Mom is against the idea, and my Dad is afraid if upsetting her too much. Anyone have tips on how to handle this type of situation?

moms helper, see what help is available in your area.Is there day care.Many times you can get a grant to help with the expense of such.It depends on income and expenses
Get all your ducks in a row befor making the transition for her.
Most of us have been caregivers for the same reason you have stated.
You and hubby will have to come to a good understanding about this,.We start out on a good note but , for many , not prepared for the changes.
I cared for 3.It was not easy but I would not want to turn any loved one over to a , so called, care facility.There are a few good ones .

i need some suggestions. my mom is 89 years old and is going to live with me. my husband and i have full time jobs, but my siblings and i cannot fully afford to pay a fulltime caregiver. there is no way we are moving my mom into a senior-living home because she has always been so dependent on my dad and then us for company when my dad passed away. my mom has always been there for us, but although her mind is still sharp, she is getting weak. i do not know how we can manage to take care of her when we have to go to work. she cannot be by herself anymore ... she loses balance and can no longer cook for herself. i need help with any suggestions.

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my wife and I have worked for years in long-term care, but it seem so different when its close to home, especially when its my Dad stressing out over Mom's reactions...

I think when we personally experience ANY problem, we can't *help* but be more emotionally invested in it and therefore the issue becomes BIGGER.

Your idea is a good one. When our LOs are on the fine line of independence and needing "help" it can be difficult to manage.

Mark, You are on target here. An assistant for something she enjoys is terrific. Would she believe that a "volunteer " is interested enough in her gardens to come regularly to learn from her? I don't have to trick my Mom, but she likes it when a CG will look out the window and describe a bird at the feeder. She will ask a question or two and then Name that Bird. She is right about half the time.

It is different when it is close to home. Maybe more difficult because , since you work in this field, you are "supposed" to have answers. You expect it of yourself, others expect it of you. Draw on your past experience but know, this current situation with your own parents will open up a new window on this.

I don't doubt that you and your wife are very good at what you do. As you work through this, you guys will be awesome.

I'm thinking that if my wife and I could be there for the first visit or two (its about 90 minutes away), it might take the heat off of Dad. Mom already gets pissed at the precautions Dad has to take when he goes out for any reason (such as disabling the tub faucet so she won't take a shower alone, which she has done). While her short-term memory is quite poor-- doesn't remember that she lives in Santa Rosa, or what year it is, for instance-- she is verbally sharp. Knows she has a terrible memory, but no insight to the dangers that poses.
Maybe the visits could start in the garden, helping her when Dads not there, or taking walks, or light cleaning. Something where it doesn't seem like: this person has to babysit you cuz your memory is shot. She's very good in sniffing out any hint of condascension, even if the reason is glossed over.
They do have a neighbor who has occasional help; maybe in answer to why this stranger needs to be here, "just to help out like Ed's helper, Dr. J thought it would be a good idea so you can keep gardening or take a walk with someone safely." (I think she'd be ok with the safety aspect if it wasn't for mental reasons, but physical?)
I feel I ought to be better in helping my Dad handle this; my wife and I have worked for years in long-term care, but it seem so different when its close to home, especially when its my Dad stressing out over Mom's reactions...
Whew...Thanks for listening! -Mark

Thanks for the suggestions!

Welcome Mark excellent having you here
Moms Buddy is right on everything I work in Home health care and I require my patients LO's to tell me little things that may help me out to make the transition easier for them.
Sometimes it helps to stick around for the first few days just to get your mom adjusted to the new routine with Home Health.
Just make sure that your dad or you include the care giver in your conversations to show your mom this new friend can be trusted it helps alot

Welcome, Mark!

It surely is best to get folks accustomed to allowing extra help before their condition progresses! If your mom can understand well enough to reason, your dad could simply explain that he needs to have a "second" who can watch out for her while he's out of pocket, if he should become ill, etc. He could "invite" her to come to the house a few times with your dad there to get your mom accustomed to her presence and so she will not feel nervous being left with a "stranger." Hopefully, if the worker is skilled and makes a special effort to bond with your mom, he will not only be able to leave them together, your mom may "shoo" him out so that she can enjoy the visit from her special friend.

Homecare folks usually are experienced in helping their patients accept them. Your dad can share general interests, likes/dislikes of your mom with the worker prior to her arrival so that she will be able to engage your mom in conversation more easily and know which areas to avoid.
For example:
If your mom still enjoys "girl stuff" like painting fingernails, doing hair, manicures, pedicures, etc., that could be a basis to establish a relationship of enjoyment and trust.

If she enjoys crafting activities, perhaps the homecare person could do something crafty with mom.

If reading is still enjoyable to your mom, the worker could bring her interesting magazines, books, talking books, etc.

If your mom can still enjoy kitchen activities, they could bake some cookies together (and eat them!) or snap some string beans for dinner, etc.

If your mom still enjoys mucic, perhaps they could spend the time listening to pieces that your mom enjoys.

They could take walks together or rake leaves outside or do little gardening activities...

The list is long, but I think you get the drift.

Hope this helps...