Hi everyone,

I am caring for my 72 y/o father. He has had 2 strokes in the past 6 years and is severely limited in mobility and use of his left hand. He wants to live at home and will not even hear about assisted living or anything like that.

Here are the problems we are facing....

1. Limited mobility - he has a power wheelchair, but his home is so small you cant use it inside. He has fallen several times over the last few years - no serious injuries.
2. Nutrition - he has lost most of his teeth and will not get dentures. He only eats soft foods - jello, pudding, ensure, and pimento cheese sandwiches are mostly all he eats. He also is not able to stand to cook.
3. Bathing - he is not able to get into his shower so he bathes in the kitchen sink. Sponge baths and washing his hair every few days.
4. Home cleaning - he is not able to clean. he does try, but just cant do it. I help when I am able, but keeping up two homes, a job and two kids is very hard.
5. Heavy smoker - he smokes at least 2 packs a day. He states he has smoked for 60 years - he is not stopping now. I have gotten him to only smoke in the kitchen - where he spends most of his days.
6. Companionship - every day either my husband or I take him for a drive. He is wanting out of the house and to talk with somebody. He does have a small car that he does drive occasionally, he really should not drive, but he will not hear of it.

These are the main problems, but of course there are other small ones. We want to see about getting an in home aide, but with his smoking and the cost we are not sure. My dad does have some money, which keeps him from qualifying for medicaid. Mind you, it is not a lot, but over the limit.

I just do not know where to start. My dad is still a very vital man mentally. It is hard to see him so frustrated with a body that does not cooperate. He could still work, if he were not so frail and weak.

Any insight or guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Kristin

luvthat48, a warm welcome to ECO for you. No need to preach about smoking and strokes, you know all that, quiting is not something you can talk somebody else into doing.

Does he have a "panic button" to push if he falls? He wants to get out and he wants company, if it weren't for the smoking, adult daycare would be great for him. Just convince him he is a volunteer, not a client, No, if he's sharp he would see through that. Maybe he could put off a cig long enough to be there half a day.

Since he is sharp, a home companion could work well a few times a week. Some cooking and cleaning, a ride, most will put up with smoke and even in the health business many do smoke and would be thrilled not to have to go stand outside in the cold. That won't rule him out. At Mom's, 2 smoke, 3 don't, but no smoking inside, the 2 that smoke might love to meet your dad.

If there is an adult day care center available, please check it out. Even if it was only one day a week, it would be a change. Also, he might be able to get meals on wheels, if available in your area.

I always thought those power chairs were too bulky to be practical for most homes. Since use of his left hand is limited, that would make a regular wheel chair difficult also.

Mom has a lot of troble chewing. I posted some tips about the types of things she CAN still eat and in truth, most of this can be cooked in large quantity and freezes very well in individual portions. Can he use a microwave and toaster oven?
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5506016051/m/4881073795

Glad to meet you, it is clear you care aout your dad. I understand about him wanting to stay home. I hope someone here can be of help to both of you.

Welcome in LT48 glad to have you.

First is his power chair, is the house itself small or are there too many furnishings?
Lessen the amount of furniture and clear pathways through the home another option is to take doors off their hinges to make it through the doorways, or there are hinges that open the door completely out of the way.
If that doesnt work installing grab bars is another option where he is able to walk but with the limited use of his left hand that may pose a problem or an even worse injury.
As to the driving portion of this maybe we can place you in the "backseat" for a moment?
This is what I mean:
Take a moment right now and really look at Dad....if you were a stranger would you get in a car with him and allow him to drive you around town safely?
For me I was in this situation only once about a year ago with a patient of mine (Im still cringing to this day, I kissed the cool concrete at my feet that I came back in one piece...seriously) The very real possibility he may have another stroke (quite possibly a massive one while driving) would stop me cold.
Heres what to do:
Go to his PCP and speak to him/her in private about this driving issue, he/she can and will be the bad guy here and not only speak to your dad about it but will also contact the DMV to get his license revoked for y'all...Do it now before someone really gets hurt.
As a home health worker we can and do drive our charges around if they need it whether its shopping or appt's. We can drive yours, we are all insured.
If we do drive our own car your charged milage.
The heavy smoking issue, get some air purifiers if you dont already, the bottom line is if a person needs care it doesnt matter to the agency they will find someone who is ok with smoking.
I will gladly go to a home with a smoker, the ONLY time I draw a line, cigar smokers.
If finances are an issue how about Adult daycare? Are you a church member? Check with your church to see if they have volunteer respite workers.
Check your local Senior Centers to see if they have an advertisement board sometimes you can find a reasonable HH worker there. Also in a SCenter theres word of mouth ask around there may be an angel some of the folks there will gladly share with you and Dad.
As far as showering get a transfer chair that sits across the edge of a tub a portion of the chair sits outside so that he can easily sit and scoot into the shower with relative ease.
One of our dear members here has also started a post on nutrition heres the link:
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5506016051/m/4881073795