Hi, I am new to the forum and will be new to the world of caregiving. This is long but I have no one to talk to.

My 78 year old Nonna is right now living in a low income apt downtown which isn't being cared for very well anymore. She gets barely $600 a month for all she needs and $14 food stamps & has Medicare. Her 2 sons rarely visit or call and her daughter (my mother) is handicapped and lives over 6 hours away. I asked her about 10 years ago to come live near me and helped her get the place that she is in now. I have 3 children, the youngest is very close to her & a wonderful husband who has agreed to sell our house (pending) and build a new house to accomodate her to come live with us. She will move into our rental while we build.
Nonna is sprite and in good health (visiting friends in Florida right now) but I worry about her living alone. She forgets to turn off the burner sometimes and doesn't like getting in and out of the tub.

Here is my problem...I can do that but I can't afford for her to lose what she has. She will gain money from not having to pay rent, phone, etc. I am hoping that she can use that for the dentist which she doesn't get enough of right now. She will probably lose food stamps. Our household income for all 5 is $47,000 a year. In order for her to come live with us, we have to rent a 4 bedroom while building. What do I do so that she doesn't lose anything. My sister says I have to charge her rent. Do I list her on our taxes (her son has been claiming her for years and he isn't anywhere near her) and she absolutely can't lose her Medicare....we barely make enough here to keep our allergies under control. I want this to work, our family has been planning for it for a couple of years and it has taken 9 months to get an offer on the house. Now that we are ready to move forward, I don't want to mess things up for her or us financially. There is no room for financial mistakes right now. Can anyone point me to the right direction.

Xinamarie heres an idea for you on the bidet they do sell a unit that can be hooked up to the existing toilet so you wont need an extra unit in the bathroom.
And have you seen the new shower stalls they have on the market? They take up less space also.
http://www.premier-bathrooms.com/walk_in_bath.php?sourc...DO3owCFRs_ggod-Q2M6g

Here is one such bidet unit.
http://www.taharex.com/instal_en.html

Wow, thank you everyone for all the advice and being so welcoming. This is the nicest board I have ever been on. I was in last September but things went wild then I couldn't find my way back until now.

We sign papers to sell our house tomorrow and are moving into a 4 bedroom rental for a year while we build. This is not ideal because all the bedrooms are upstairs. Nonna likes it because it is good excercise. She is from Milano, Italy and it is not uncomman to climb lots of stairs. For the duration of the build, we should be ok.

I liked the suggestions about the build, it shows me that I am in the right frame of mind. We are building the house on a basement so we will have a driveway that will go round to the back of the house that will access the double doors of her "suite". That will be the screened in patio of the back of the house for outdoor living. Her bath will be shared with my son. The toilet and shower in a jack & jill style with their own sinks in another area
I am working on that design still. Not happy with it yet. I have space constraints so working on the walk in shower and non-skid tile flooring. She wants a bidet. That is where I am having issues on the design. Not exactly an American design that is comman. Instead of regular hinged doors, we are putting in old fashioned double pocket doors to both downstairs bedrooms. There will be no closets so they will be officially called the library & den. My son will take the library (he is a nightowl & so is Nonna) and Nonna the den. They will be close enough if she needs something later. The rest of the official 3 bedrooms will be upstairs. The kitchen, livingroom, laundry etc....one floor. I welcome any suggestions, I will be taking the others to my blueprint guy....I am drawing out the rough draft now.
Hugs to all and thank you so much!!

Ahhh, DansGirl - you said it SOOOOOOO well!!
Your statement...
Whenever $$$$ is involved the "kind hearted - - not" come out of the woodwork and have all sorts of plans on what should be done. They won't want to step up to do the actual caregiving but will find their noses in the middle of how/where/when the dollars should be spent.
...should be in the top 5 on ANY tips/warnings list about caregiving!

hi, xina! welcome. i have absolutely no advice for you. everyone else covered you pretty thoroughly. it sounds like you thought things through very carefully and have your family on board. god bless you! it will be hectic building your new house but worth it. you are very realistic to question the financial aspects of this decision. money is a harsh reality of life and it sounds like you are armed with the right questions. your friends here sure covered the bases for you! keep us posted, it won't all be rosie but you sure have a huge heart and so does that family of yours. i hope in your case that it is true, what goes around comes around! touch base soon. stop by harry's! lots of good people stop by and are always willing to buy! by the way i will be visiting your beautiful state next week, first time! lloking forward to it.

The only thing I want to add here to these awesome suggestions is --- her sons and daughter. Whenever $$$$ is involved the "kind hearted - - not" come out of the woodwork and have all sorts of plans on what should be done. They won't want to step up to do the actual caregiving but will find their noses in the middle of how/where/when the dollars should be spent. Please just be careful. An eldercare attorney would be a good plan.

Welcome, Xinamarie. So glad you found us! First, let me tell you how much I admire your concern and willingness to help your gramma. I won't say anything about her sons...

This is a BIG step as things change with our elders and continue declining until... Moving your gramma now while she can still adapt well is a good idea.

It sounds like your gramma not only qualifies for medicare, but also medicaid - check with your state medicaid office to determine her eligibility. If she has no property or savings to speak of, she will not have to "spend down" to qualify. Her income should be charged off as rent (you will have to report it as income), but when all is said and done, you may be able to claim her as a dependent if you contribute over X amount to her care & living expenses - check with your accountant. An eldercare attorney would give you the best advice about taxes, etc. but a consultation is rather pricey... Be SURE to have her sign a Durable Power of Attorney as soon as possible. Have her designate you as her representative for social security, IRS, and either open an account in both names or have yourself added as a signer/co-owner to her existing checking account. This will allow you to pay her bills for her, handle her money, rob Peter to pay Paul, etc. THe DPOA is a very important document. Unlike a POA, which is issued usually for a specific time or purpose (like allowing a real estate agent to sell your house and sign the papers when you have moved across country) and may be easily recinded, a DPOA allows you to make ALL business AND medical decisions for her. The time to get this going is now and take over her business gradually until you will be the one directing her care and finances. If she has any credit cards, take possession of them so that if she becomes confused or her judgement is impaired, she will not be able to run them up. What you DO NOT want to do is EVER sign anything accepting financial responsibility for her bills (hospitals and residential facilities are notorious for snookering people into being a "guarantor" for their loved one's bills. If she cannot pay her bills, medicaid will step in. All of her durable medical equipment, any home health services she may need in the future, etc. are all covered under medicare and medicaid. She is eligible for Meals On Wheels and perhaps other services provided in your area for economically disadvantaged seniors. Take advantage of every thing that you can - every little bit helps! She may lose her food stamps, but $14 doesn't go very far, even with cat food these days! Contact your local Council on Aging for information on services and programs in your area. Sometimes they don't offer much, but in other places they offer a lot! Contact her doctor and go to her appointments so that the doc will get to know you. Eventually, you will be supplying the information when she is no longer able to do so. Start keeping her medical information and records and write up a GOOD medical history, including meds taken, prescribed by whom and for what; her allergies AND sensitivities, any OTC (over the counter) meds she takes, etc. Include her height, weight and any surgeries she has had or significant illnesses. When she needs to go to the doctor or the hospital, you will be asked for this information over and over and over (as if they don't have computers!), so keep it updated and ready to print out at a moment's notice.

Since you will be building your home, include a bathroom off her room (it can be your master bedroom later on...) that is wheelchair accessible with a walk-in shower. Be sure that the door to her bedroom is oversized to accommodate wheelchairs and other equipment she may need in the future. Building a ramp may not be necessary now, but PLAN where you will build one if she becomes non-ambulatory. French doors (patio doors?) opening onto a little deck or screened porch will provide her with much pleasure when she becomes unable to go and do anymore. Locating her bedroom wisely, with the idea of how health workers will access her room or ambulance personnel. A door that opens to the outside is a godsend to keep people from traipsing all through your home. A covered place to load her into a vehicle (like a garage or carport) can also be a godsend as whenever people have to go to the doctor or ER, it always rains just to make your day a little rougher. Be SURE that any door going OUT is wheelchair accessible or any hallways that EMTs might have to move through with a gurney. No hallways is best case scenario.

If it sounds like a LOT to think about and plan for, you are sooooo right. NOW is the time to do things right and get a system set up for her care. Don't wait until the stuff hits the fan!! Hopefully, her health will remain good, her mind will remain clear, she will remain ambulatory and will die in her sleep after a very happy day in the future. BUT in case that isn't how things go, you are wise to prepare now!

Hope the information helps - if you have other questions, don't hestitate to ask - this is a GREAT buncha folks! None of us has seen it all, but ALL of us have seen nearly everything and had every experience that eldercare can bring!
Best of luck! Looking forward to getting to know you! Many blessings to you and your family for the gift you are giving to your gramma.

Xinamarie Welcome in. Glad you found us.
What a blessing you are to your Nonna. She will not lose anything and an Eldercare attorney would be a great idea here but does she have a Medical Social worker? If so they can get you on the road to some ideas for her I believe even in your state with that low amount of SS she may qualify for Medi-cal (if she does medical and dental will be taken care of) which would be great for her also Prescription assistance among other things.
But first who has Nonnas DPOA/POA? (medical and money powers of attorney) If you are going to bring her into your home you should have this.

Hi Xinamarie! Welcome in.
The first thing I can tell you is that your lovely Nonna will NOT lose her Social Security or her Medicare. Those are benefits she has earned and is entitled to keep.
The second thing most everyone here will tell you is to find an attorney that specializes in Eldercare. Your local Legal Aid society should be able to help you with this.
The THIRD thing is how lucky you are to be able to help your Nonna, how wonderful for your youngest child, and how absolutely special your husband is.
Just take things slow and easy right now. It sounds like Nonna doesn't need a lot of hands on care, but will definitely benefit from not living alone. You will all find your way, and it will be the right way for you. Love casts a long and brilliant light.

Hi Xina, welcome in. Glad to have you. I am probably not the best person to give you any useful answers to your immediate questions, but didn't want to miss the opportunity to welcome you here and let you know you are being heard. Also, to congradulate you on your forethought.

Sometimes it takes a case worker or an eldercare lawyer to plan the best course of action. There are usually several options. One may be that she "rents" a room from you. In which case she would not be your "dependent" for tax purposes, but you would be handling the "rent" money on her behalf. Her social and medicaire should be hers regardless. $14 dollars in food stamps is a non issue. What kind of darn joke that is?

There are resource hints in elder care online if you click on that at the top of the page. Hold on, be right back.... http://www.ec-online.net/Library/personalfinance/personalfinanceindex.html
starting point. Some here know a lot more than I do about the system. Some states allow you to set it up so that you are paid as a caregiver from her funds. Then you can set aside some of that for her.

Sounds like she is in pretty good shape for now, and you are truely starting out on the right foot. Glad to meet you, Bobcat