Hello all. Well, still working with mom on clearing up financial issues.
Since I have been spending more time with her lately working on paperwork and bills, I've noticed that her memory seems worse than I had previously thought.
However, I wonder what the difference is between dementia and normal age related memory loss?
Mom pays a bill and then 3 days later doesn't remember she paid it. She has a very vague inkling that she paid something - or so she says. Or, she'll have a phone conversation with someone and 2 hours later couldn't tell you what they talked about, but if you remind her, she will start to remember vaguely.
She can't remember details of conversations or specific activities she did or what day she did them.
However, she remembers her work hours and drives quite well. She does get lost sometimes, but not going to routine places, just places she visits infrequently.
It seems she is more confused and gets details mixed up than anything and she doesn't seem to be able to handle financials by herself anymore.

Should I try to talk to her doctor about this or should I just watch for more serious signs?

Thoughts? Not sure where to go from here. I don't want to overreact, but I don't want to ignore obvious warning signs either.

Thanks.

The POA can be gotten online..don't remember the website..sorry. Sis did it.
My sister also picked up some blank standard forms in Staples I believe..and combined the language to fit dad's desires.
I'm in California. Usually you pay a fee of something like $10 per signature at a UPS store or Staples.
Different states have slightly different rules and laws regarding this.
Once you have it in order, than show it to her and allow her to make changes. That made dad more comfortable.
Just putting your nieces name might not be good enough. Mom can always change the account number. Dad did this to us once and didn't remember..now he can't without Sis present.
Remember, it depends on your state, city..so research it first.

Banks usually have Notaries Public.
They may even be listed in your yellow pages.

BG, thanks for DPOA/POA info. I like the SO idea.

Re my brother and his daughter: Right now I am the one doing all of the work with mom's finances. Brother is taking a back seat and providing on "verbal" support. My mom is showing some reluctance to give me access to her finances due to her feud with my husband.
Also, my brother and I have agreed that, when the time comes, and she can no longer live alone, whether for health reasons or because of finances, she will move in with him. She would tear my marriage apart by moving in with me. You may remember my "mom or husband" post in the family section awhile back.
My brother agrees that she is not able to handle her finances on her own any longer and even though I am doing my best to get things organized and get her on a budget, she forgets many things and sometimes attempts to pay bills that I have already paid and she spends more than she can afford on things she does not need. So, I am on the fence about his daughter. I think that is his way of getting some control. He cannot put his name on any of my mom's money because he has his own financial problems, but he would be able to advise his 24 year old daughter what to do. Not the best option, but honestly, I am not sure if I'm cut out for the caregiver role. I have become so worried and stressed out the past few weeks trying to deal with mom and her financial and memory issues that I have not been sleeping and it is starting to affect my job and by well being.
I am the one pushing the DPOA with my mom. I think she is the "considering" stage. She hasn't committed to anything yet.
Honestly, I'm not a great decision maker when it comes to all of this. I don't deal with crisis all that well.

quote:

My brother is trying to get her to put her bank accounts in his daughter's name

Huh????
Ok maybe she is the most reliable trustworthy person there is Im not saying otherwise but the POA and DPOA should be with the Primary CG unless of course your ok with this.
Are you?
Who is going to be the point person in this situation hun?
Is it going to be you or your brother that makes decisions for your mom?

Yes you do have to have 2 witnesses and a Notary.
You can get a DPOA and POA online or look for
Suze Ormans Will and Trust kit on CD its legal in all states and is specific to each state it just requires you have a printer and you can either hire a Notary to come to your home if its available where you are or you can go to a UPS store they usually have a Notary there or is it Mailboxes etc? Check your yellow pages its been a while since I went there.

Oh yeah that kit by SO can be used by multiple members its not one time use hun
Iv used it for my MIL hunny myself a few friends of mine and BTW I know theres an updated version mine is a few years old but just type it in and it will pop up for you

Thanks BG, SL, TORP AND SC. I will try to watch more closely for signs. I might call the doctor just to give her a heads up and let her know what I am seeing in case there is another issue such as UTI, meds, etc. that could be causing this.
Some days she does seem sharper than others, but never as sharp as a tack anymore.
Then again, I haven't been feeling so pointy myself lately.
She and I talked about POA today. My brother is trying to get her to put her bank accounts in his daughter's name so we could have control over her finances to control her spending and to make sure the bills get paid, and of course for obvious health related reasons. This wasn't how it was explained to her of course. She's not having any of that right now. She does not want to lose control of her money. This being said even though it has become clear that she can't control her money.
Question about POA? I know there's a different forum for this, but while I'm on the subject - when you fill out the form, I heard that you have to have 2 non-family witnesses sign and a notary? How does one go about that? I am totally green on these types of things.
Thanks.

I want to add, my childrens' paternal grandmother is older than my father and she is sharp as a tack, even though she has had 4 strokes.
Old age is not a gauge of dementia.
Go with that. What about your Grandmother? Grandfather? Maternal or Paternal.
Think about it.
It might not be a matter of age.
My thoughts are with you...

bunny's right, I'm gonna chime in. It wasn't us, the children, who noticed dad's problem, it was his friends. They started calling us and telling us something was wrong.
He would do things like take the bus "around" in 104 degrees weather..we're in Sacramento, CA.
Then he would forget where he lived...eventually, when his car got "fixed" (but not really, someone took advantage of his confusion) he showed up at my house instead of a "girlfriend's".
I called my sister. I knew something was wrong. This was over the period of a year or so.
My father was always very organized and mathematical, so confusing directions were a red flag.
Of course he drank...but it got so much worse during this time..a 2 or 3 year period. Depression? We may never know.
Within that time period he stopped paying his bills like rent, insurance, buying food, etc..the basics.
My sister stepped in and convinced him to agree to POA..if she hadn't when she did..we might not have him here..because a little more than a year after he had a pace maker put in after overdosing on his meds several times because he forgot he took that day's dose..so he doubled up and took the next day's dose too.
I don't mean to scare you. Really.
Memory loss can be life threatening. Those little signs you notice because you're a child are important. You know your parent.
Don't worry so much about a doctor right now...see if you can convince her to let you handle the legal issues and bill paying with POA..then just wait and see.
My sister was able to pick one up in a stationary store.
It's basic but does the trick and works for the medical community.
Good luck honey and don't give up or let things happen...follow your instincts.
My children, 22 and 17, already have POA, just in case.
I trust them in my right mind..I might not if I fall victim to AD. By then it might be too late.
I don't have huge assets, but if I get sick or hurt, they know what I want.
We had to force dad to make a decision. I don't want to put my kids through that. Ultimately, if something happens, they will be the most affected.
I have even told my performing daughter what song I want at my funeral..I know, morbid. But practical.

I agree with SnowyLynne. There are some correctible health issues which can affect memory, and the earlier you get diagnosed the better the outcome.

And even if it does turn out to be some sort of progressive dementia, early treatment can extend the period of time during which she can live more or less independently. From the point of her diagnosis, our LO continued to live in her own house, drive her car in her local community, and go about her normal activities for about five years before it started becoming unsafe for her to do so. Even after that, she had a few years during which she could live in an independent living retirement apartment with only moderate support.

Her thyroid could be out of whack,or have anemia.If your that worried have her Dr check her out............

quote:

Or, she'll have a phone conversation with someone and 2 hours later couldn't tell you what they talked about, but if you remind her, she will start to remember vaguely.

Ep....back up there my dear.....
Im gonna ask the 64 million dollar question ma dear.....Is this your answer or hers???
Since this is your wording on the situation it seems to me your questioning her in a manner that might illicit this type of response from her....
I know I know...whats that you say???
Hey Im in these shoes as well as half the folks here that have lived with this disease they do a wonderful duck n cover when asked pointed questions
They may have AD but its not that far advanced that they cant still tap dance with the best of us nowaddimean?

Now there may be something else going on here so the first thing you need to do is put on the ole "investigator cap" and rule out the obvious which could be anything from a UTI to dehydration or med changes.
Does she have respiratory issues this could give off symptoms of forgetfulness also.

Please do over react Sky this is your mom, someone needs to because a general PCP wont thats where you come in
Back in the day about 6 or so years ago my MIL showed symptoms of AD only I didnt have access to a site like this or the experience of seasoned cg's that dealt with this disease up close and personal PCP's didnt see anything wrong either up till 3 years ago when she answered a question from the ole doc that sounded something like this:
"I couldnt sleep last night the blackbirds were in the bathroom cawin so loud"
Uh huh.......
Now up to that point she was answering questions and telling stories just like always and she could still remember half this family's birthdays which I cant even do on a good day

Advice:
Dont ask questions with answers within them. if you know she called someone in particular ask her
Hey mom did you call so an so?
Dont add to it.
Most times they can remember little things you just have to pay closer attention.
At this point math is hard for them but not always keep 2 registers one for you one for her and allow her to do hers without help from you while you keep your own for accuracy.
MIL made some errors in hers in the beginning and that was just the tip of it.
Looking back she stopped doing word searches around the same time and it wasnt because of eyesight issues either she went through cataract surgery and could see fine at the time but I noticed she was having problems with words I would use.
TV usage diminished, not significant enough for me to spot right away though.
She started keeping to herself more, staying in her room more so than before.
More argumentative than normal.

Im sure others will chime in theres a lot more to look out for