As most of you know, dad has Alzheimers-like dementia. He is now in the final stages of the disease and we have had the task of resorting to putting him in a nursing home. He simply has become too much work for my mom, with the constant bathing, cleaning up his accidents (he usually goes in places like the living room or kitchen), monitoring him, and his increased falling. The County Dept. of Aging is recommending he go to a home "sooner rather than later" and we are making the arrangements for him to go there.

Naturally this is sad for everyone involved, since my mom & dad have been married for over 60 years and we know going to a nursing home will break his heart. But my mom's health is failing and the stress of caring for him is too great. Dad will hopefully be in a home within the couple of months....he's visited there, and he knows at least one other person there...it's a very nice clean facility with lots of trees and activities so once he gets over the initial shock and sadness, I think he'll ultimately be happy since the nurses will be doting on and visiting him.

As for us kids, we have to now deed back the land our parents gave us so we won't have to sell it...again it's not something we want to do but the situation warrants it.

I'll be back when I can with more updates.

Well my mom visited dad a couple days ago...Thursday I think....and he said he really likes it there. He said "there's so many nice people" and he loves the food, the view, the staff waiting on him, etc. I am SO glad the NH he's in isn't a dreary looking place...instead it's cheery, lots of windows and flowers, plus they wheel residents into the dining room to eat so he gets to meet all kinds of folks and he loves that. Mom says everything is out in the open and I'm not sure what she means but it must be good.

Mom also said she's starting to enjoy her life alone. She doesn't have the burden of cleaning up dad's messes or bathing him, etc. (The NH is working on a way for her to keep his SS income so that way she won't have to live hand to mouth.) She also can rest as needed and even her dr. said she has color in her cheeks again. So she is getting better and stronger all the time. God sure is good.

Hey sweetie good to hear Dad AND Mom are doing well and the new diggs are good
Hows Mom doing with all the changes now Lynda?
Send her a buncha hugs from us and keep some for yourself

Steved I see you have mom like my Gran she never let anyone do what she was more than capable of doing herself and I agree thats a good thing just tell her to be a little careful round those mole mounds I can remember a few I stepped in and lost a foot to *surprise there it is*
I can just picture that in my mind lol 90 years old God Bless her

Well, that all happened a little faster than was anticipated, but I guess it is like pulling a tooth. You know it will have to happen but if you get caught off guard and then it is done, then it is done.

I know you have had concerns about the Becks in the past and come to terms and limits with them, but Brian sure earned his lunch that day. It must be very hard being at a distance. I am only 1/2 hour away and it makes me nuts sometimes. Then I think, if I were any closer this would consume me.

STEVED YIPES My Mom never mowed a lawn, but I have a riding mower and the mole hills don't bother me too bad here. I suppose that if you had gophers, they could leave damage that could flip you. The groundhogs leave tunnels and dens that have flipped tractors and broken axles. Have you looked for an awning or umbrella attachment for her mower? The sun would worry me even more.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

Linda, I think you put your finger on it in your first post: he'll ultimately be happy with everybody doting on him and visiting him, and I think the daily routines of these homes are very reassuring too. I'm so impressed with your mom. My mom also insists on taking care of a big farm house and even mowing the huge mole-infested lawn with her riding mower, and she's almost 90. I picture her being tossed around on top of the mower by all the mole hills and just shake my head. But taking care of a big place is great exercise for her, physically and mentally. It is a lot of work and walking around, and at that age, that can be a good thing. Best wishes.

well hello again friends...and a special thanx to Bobcat and BunnysGrl for their comments.

Today dad was transferred to his new home....which is, encouragingly, a more pleasant manor than the one he was in last fall! (during his respite) I'm enclosing a message from my mom.

<<<The transfer went well. We got over there at 10 a.m. and it took us until noon to get the paperwork done so we were there when they brought him over from the hospital. Brian [Beck] went with me and was my support during the time we were doing paperwork and waiting for him to come since they had first said afternoon but changed it I guess to NOON So he seemed happy enough but while we were there, he asked where we were and we said Sweden Valley and I think he kinda teared up so he knew where he was and undoubtedly knew he wasn't going home. But he seemed happy enough and said they kept him busy at the hospital so he didn't get to do much walking and I know they will keep him busy at SV too. He had a nice lunch after he got over there ...........a hamburger, tater tots and dessert and something ?? to drink which he ate good and seemed to like it so that was good. I was glad for Brian to be there for moral support etc. since otherwise I would be alone. We went and had lunch at a small diner up the road which has good food and is only 5 minutes or less away from the manor. When we got back from lunch, they were giving him a body assessment so he was OK when we left. So it went as smoothly as it could. Just wanted to update you on the goings on. Love and Hugs, Mom>>>


PS love and hugs from me (Lynda) to everyone here too! Yall are a wonderful group and a great source of info.

Linda I am so sorry to hear this sending huge hugs to mom and to you I know this is hard on both of you.
Keep us updated when you can
(((hugs)))

Got another update....mom called and said dad is in a hospital now (not sure for what). Once he's released from there, he will go straight to the nursing home in Sweden Valley to spend the rest of his days.

Mom is pretty upset and in tears, since they lived together for over 60 years and it seems like the end. I wish I could be there for her...my heart aches for her and for dad too...

This all came shortly after dad was quite nasty yesterday with her...he told her she was mean, he wanted a divorce, he was going to move out... all signs his dementia is becoming more and more advanced.

Hi there,

She can drive places but for now (since she's "tipsy" as she says) she has someone go with her to make sure she doesn't fall. Plus she also uses a walker.

I think too that dad will adapt fine to a nursing home - he was there last fall for 3 weeks for "respite care" (his dr. ordered it I think) and he got all kinds of attention which he just loved. Not sure how long it will be before he's placed in a home.

In the meantime, my mom has a lady come in to help with caring for dad and doing other tasks. Her name is Julia and she knows my family - in fact she cared for my late Uncle Bill who died recently (he had Parkinson's). So she knows at least some of my relatives. Just this week she was over for 4 hours yesterday cleaning and such, and today she trimmed dad's toenails, soaked and rubbed his feet, made the bed in the guest room and also cleaned out mom's pantry. She does housework as well as other things, and her granddaughter (?) also helps out.

Mom is hoping that it'll be some time before dad is in the home, because they've been married for over 60 years and she's never been away from him for such an extended period of time except for the respite last fall.

My brothers tried to talk her into moving off the land and into a trailer but she said absolutely not. She doesn't like the thought of being in something as small as a trailer, and plus it'd have to be in a location that's 20 additional minutes from the nursing home dad will be in, making it a 40 minute trip. Also the land mom lives on is also the same land she was born on so it holds sentimental value. Since there is 100+ acres, it wouldn't make sense to me to have her move off the land. She gets help with maintaining it (Becks) and loves its country setting. I say let her live there and enjoy herself.

Talk to yall later.

Lynda, I hesitate to say "it is good to hear from you again" when that is the news. But we are here for you when ever you get the chance to drop by.

I think your Dad may adapt to this better emotionally than your mom will. Can she still drive so she can visit him? Yes, she needs to let this happen or hurt herself, but more than a few of us know what it is like to be there 24/7 and then it isn't our job anymore. For whatever reason, it is a shock and can be overwhelming with all the empty hours.


It is going to be a while before the transition occurs? Hopefully, in the mean time, she can explore new ways to fill her time so it won't be such a shock. Keep us updated, please.

I am not sure I understand about deeding back to not sell, but good luck with that..