Robin, welcome! Who usually cares for your dad? That's the FIRST place to start 'cause you have a LOT of questions to ask and his everyday caregiver is the one with the answers. I hope you will arrive a day ahead so that you can just meld into his day to day activities and observe how things are done.

It's REAL important to observe how he is being cared for now - when meals are served, what he eats, when he generally poops, etc. and follow that plan for the three days you will be there. Change is very difficult for people with dementia symptoms. It doesn't hurt to have a few extra tricks up your sleeve, but try to keep things as much the same as you can.

As for amusements, Bingo, Go Fish, Old Maid (spades for adults) are all pretty simple card games. Crossword puzzles are great for mental stimulation as are simple puzzles (which can be made by printing out interesting pictures or images from your computer onto card stock, glued to cardboard and cut into pieces). Coloring with crayons and markers is an excellent activity as well. Try not to push him on the mental exercises too much - people with dementia become easily overwhelmed. Easy does it. When you see his attention begin to wander or he becomes the least amount frustrated, move on to something else or let him take some kind of break. Ask his caregiver how she redirects and distracts him when he needs "out" of a situation or to refocus his attention elsewhere. Movies are usually pretty good - old folks often like easy-to-follow light dramas and comedies, even children's movies, like "Wizard of Oz" are enjoyable to them. Three Stooges, Honeymooners, etc. usually will get a chuckle from them.

As far as hygiene, this is always a challenge. Although some may think of it as an unpleasant topic, it is one of the set-in-stone facts of life! If he will allow, simply follow/accompany him into the bathroom as if you have been doing it all your life, stop at the mirror and examine your face, etc. and if he asks, tell him you are just hanging around to make sure he doesn't fall or need help. If he DOESN'T ask what you are doing in the bathroom with him, keep a low profile, act normal and don't behave like it is uncomfortable for you! (If he protests too mightily, tell him you will wait right outside the door in case he needs something.) If he allows you in the bathroom, watch out of the corner of your eye to see if he REALLY needs help. If he needs some "hands on" assistance, despite YOUR discomfort and general horror, act like it's something you do every day - a little extra help, just between us, etc. Joke around, keep a dialog going and try not to freak out. Try to remember that his sense of dignity and needs are what matter the most, so keep it light and go in there and win one for the Gipper!

As for helping during the night, you simply get up with him several times during the night, same as you would a little kid, especially because people are sleepy and more unstable mentally and physically during the night. A baby monitor can help you to listen for him. When he naps during the day, catch a nap for yourself at the same time. Hopefully you can hang in there for three days. Be sure to get PLENTY of rest prior to arriving so that if you have to run on empty a little, you'll have some reserves built up.

If there is an aide or home health company assisting AND he is accustomed to them, then go ahead and hire them. But if he is unfamiliar with the people, be aware that the change may cause him to react in unpredictable ways.

Good luck! Let us know how things go!

Hi Robin

My mom likes to play Bingo...and someone recently suggested Dominos to me; which I thought was a really good idea (but haven't tried yet).

If your dad likes to play cards, maybe he would still enjoy some of the card games that children play when they are first learning about suits, trumps and matching. ...like, Battle, or Go Fish, maybe even Memory (not using the whole deck,though).

I think the reading and music ideas are really good, too. That made me think about the old radio shows. Do you know that you can get those old shows on CD and tape?

I, too, think it would be wise to get some evening help if it is possible. If Dad will be up and down during the night, someone will definitely need to be monitoring him---and you will want to be fresh in the morning so that you can enjoy your time together!

Good luck I hope you both have a wonderful time. I sure hope your step-mom is well and enjoying herself during this time, too. You are such a dear!

Oh...BTW, do you have a hubby who maybe could help with the dressing and hygiene?

Hi Robin, I would ask your stepmom how she handles the hygene and night time issues with your Dad. Some of the best times I ever spent with my charges has been reading with them. Nothing too heavy, light and breezy. Maybe a couple of stories of interest in the grade school section at your local library. (I liked the pictures) Have fun.

How good of you to do this. Is this a break for your stepmom? It sounds like you have kept up pretty well with him. Has he made trips to your home before?

See if you can bring a photo album or scrap book to go through. A box of old pictures to sort through. Or go through your own. What music does he like? Maybe a CD of songs from the 40s or 50s can be found. A large piece child's jig saw puzzle might work for an activity. Does he do any chores at home? Maybe he can help you fold sheets. Do you think he could snap the ends off fresh green beans for you to fix for dinner?
What does he do at his home? Familiar activities and possessions may help him feel at home. Do any recordings of family events exist that you could watch together?

By all means if you can bring in someone you trust at night , try it. Otherwise you are going to have to make a point of napping when he nap duringthe day.

Good luck Robin.