Need some tips on cleaning up poop and how to best deal with someone who poops in bed regularly for mom.
Mom says dad's been pooping a LOT more lately...could be anything since he just got new memory meds...he usually poops at night in bed (won't wear a diaper and if you put one on him he takes it off) so he smears poop on the bed, floor, walls, etc. The few times he does poop in the toilet he makes a BIG mess and gets it all over the place.

Any help is always appreciated!

DianaT, I am so sorry to hear Roberto is violent most of the time.I know you have to walk on pins and needles around him.You never know what will set their anger into motion.
My husband was so unpredictable.I just waited for the next shoe to drop.Most of his anger was directed at me.With the paranoia and the psychosis you never know what he thought he saw you do.Not a fun way to live.
Some of thie things he said and done almost made me hate him.Then I realized he was not incontrol of what he did but that did not take away the fear of what he would do next.
If he were not bed ridden he would be a danger to himself and to me.The time span of his abilities would be short but alot could happen in a short time.
I do not know if I could deal with that at this stage.
He takes meds that hep but there are still those days.Tank god I can remove my self from the insults and accusations.Before that was not a possibility.
Please be careful.When he shows real signs of danger, try to remove your self from his pjysical presence.You never now which direction the anger will turn.
If he becomes too bad and meds do not control him you may have to keep him more sedated.
I know this is not a fun time for you.You have dealt with so much this past year.Please keep your cell phone with you at all times.If he gets too out of hand do not be afraid to call 911.You are very vunerable being in a wheel chair.

Mae, Roberto is always violent, is just that I know better and I am veeeeery careful to not bother him, but sometimes he gets angry anyway, specially when he gets soiled. Has developed and "attachmet" to solied underwear. You ask for the soiled cloth and he hang of it with "his life". Also, he tries to cover his parts even with the bottom of his shirt.
There is no way to reason with him. You try to talk to him and he looks the other way and you know is doing that on purpose. I deal with all the bad things about his personality and almost none of his good manners.
There is no purpose in try to sedate him. For some reason you give him a pill and he sleeps for hours the next day and if he is groogy I get scare of a fall.
Sigh....

would putting paper tape on the edges of the colstomy bag help any to keep it on tighter?

i have been racking my brains to think of ways to try and help here
as i see you have so much to handle bless your heart.
i know that some people will go to thrift stores and places and get the cheapest p.j.'s to put on their loved ones
to just be able to take them off and throw away instead of always washing the clothes.
underwear and everything.
sometimes you can even get some stuff free at those places if you tell them of your needs.
i wish i could help you more with suggestions but if i come up with anything
ill get back in touch.

MY HUSBANDS FAVORITE WORDS TO ME IS YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HEEL YOU ARE DOING.I RESPOND, YOU ARE SO RIGHT

DianaT, Does Albertos personality change quickley or is he a little violent all the time?
If my hubby was mobile I do not know what I would do when facing this problem.He does get so angry and would be a danger to me and himself.
There are times when no amount of reasoning works.If you understand Paranoid Psychosis then you would know how he thinks.He runs hot and cold.There are times when he is so cooperative with me, then their are times when he is so paranoid he views anything I try to do as dangerous to him.
If I do anything I have to make sure he is clean around thwe groin , the penis , backside and testicles.He has such sensitive skin and gets such an oder , even over night.Because he keeps his legs so tightly closed he perspres so I keep a sanitary napkin arounf the testicles to absorb the moisture in the groin area.He breaks out like a baby with a severe diaper rash.
He was giving the daie a difficulrt time to day because he was irritated this morning because he was able to get the glove off and scratch him self.His skin breaks down so easy we have to jump through hoops to get him cleansed, creeamed and special patch on him.She was very firm with him today.He pays attention to her.With me he becomes spiteful.
I do not argue with him, do not change my tone of voice, but he seems to have my number.When he is so difficult, I think of something more positive.It helps to distract from the stress.I also know if I were to react in a bad way would only make him worse.I tell him he is a pistol packin papa.
Do you think Robertos medicine is working for his behavior?
Not easy to deal with plus not healthy.For you to come incontact with waste can cause big problems, one CDIFF.He can also get infections plus severe skin burn that will become painful to him.
I wish I had an answer.As I ststed, if hubby was mobile and had accidents, which he does, I have no idea how I would deal with it.
I think I would not allow him in certain rooms.I just know he would be heel on wheels.
I truly do not believe I would be able to care for him unless he was some what sedated.I just do not have the physical strngth to deal with someone so determined with such strength, which he has.One thing that seems to shock him is I do have enough strength to prevent him from harming me.He will get so mad he will punch on himself.If we tell him what will happen if he continues he says Good.If I were you, I would disguss this behavior with his doctor at the VA.

Mae, I think he doesn't feel the smell...

Today he did the same mess and when the aide tried to help him (he was walking in the slippery mess) he hit her in the head (she is 5' tall and he is 6'2") with a hand towel he had in his hands. I was so scared. If he had something heavy he could hit her bad. Then was so angry that pushed a heavy chair. Was naked and smelly for hours. This situation is getting from bad to worse and I truly don't know what else I can do.

quote:

Originally posted by mae:
Diana, Sometimes to get them to do what is best for them is worse then pulling teeth.If they have a good dad, sometimes you can reason with them.A bad day, nothing works, except just telling them how bad they smell.

Quoted for truth.

(deep sigh)

Diana, Sometimes to get them to do what is best for them is worse then pulling teeth.If they have a good dad, sometimes you can reason with them.A bad day, nothing works, except just telling them how bad they smell.

I got rid of all rugs, using covers for the chairs helps but liquids alawys found a way to stain the covers. His chair is horrible but is clean. I have water proof covers in the bed. The problem is his body. Sometimes I beg for hours to get him to stand to clean his chair. (and if I am lucky, his rear.)If not, I put underwear, wait, ask him for that one, wait, ask him for the other soiled one until them gets clean.

DianaTI kept pads on all my furniture for this reason.But to hide it.That is a new one.
ASurprise , surprise, right.

DianaT, What a task to have to deal with.
I recall my mother had an accident on her favorite chair.Even with protection on the chair she got waste all over it.I had to throw the chair out.
Sling a mop , under normal circumstance is tough enough , but to have to do it in a whell chair, I am so sorry.You may have to have your rug and furniture cleaned because of his accidents.That can leave such an odor plus stain.
Also have to be careful of the bacteria that could be present.
That is why I bought a deep soil extractor as mother and aunt had so many accidents.Hubby also had his share when his colostomy bag broke.

More than ask why, I am asking how I will deal with this daily mess without become crazy myself.

My husband starts to do his thing in the living room and ends in the bathroom. He doesn't use diapers but there is nothing the diapers will resolve. He removes whatever he is using and walks naked, and if you say something or tries to help he has "the pleasure" (because he gets angry and do it on purpose) to stand over the mess and press it hard and walks with the soiled shoes and I am praying that he doesn't have a fall.

Sometimes he gets constipated and put a little here, a little there, he sits in all the chairs and the sofa, and takes the "pieces" and "hid" them in the curio, the the bookshelves...

He did this things once in while but from few days up to now he is doing this every single day and because I mop sitting in the wheelchair my neck and back are killing me.

there's so many replies I haven't got the energy to answer everyone's posts recently but I will say that because of the Namenda he does remember to use the toilet more often, at least for "number 1". Mom said he seems better with it also, somewhat more like his old self. (Not totally of course but better than the previous memory med.) I don't think dad is pooping on the bed deliberately....he is now 78 years old and because he doesn't walk much, he gets weaker all the time so maybe as a result he has no control over his bowels when he sleeps. I could be wrong. I wish I could monitor him overnight. Unfortunately I was not able to visit mom & dad earlier this month (October) as planned, since I injured my left knee and had to see the doctor. But even if I'd gone down, dad wouldn't like the idea of his daughter sitting and monitoring his sleeping habits. I'm not sure I could stand being in the room with the way he snores anyway, LOL!

Dad does sometimes get himself up to go to the toilet and do number 1 in the night, but not sure if he now gets up to do number 2 in the toilet as well or not. I think he does go number 2 in the night, since I've occasionally smelled it and it is strong!

I'm pushing mom to get a porta-potty (sic?) to put near his bed....we had one for my grandparents and it was a godsend.

I will ask mom if dad seems more aware of when he wets or poops himself in his diaper or pants, now that he's on the Namenda. I know he'd never "felt wet" before when wetting himself. I've seen plenty of times when the front of his pants were wet and he didn't see or feel it. Maybe now he does?

i don't know if this is highjacking but i just wanted to share a discovery i made today regarding poop. i could never understand how daisy could poop on the floor of the bathroom. i finally caught her in the act. she took her depends off in the bathroom and was shaking the poop out onto everything. then she wanted to put them back on. for the first time i now know. it was not a malicious act. she was trying to solve her problem she recognised as something that wasn't right. she just didn't know what the solution was so she handled it in a way she had figured out. mystery solved. we will never be able to think outside the box like they do.it's just a matter of getting a clue and dealing with it. one problem at a time.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: fat, dumb and happy,

I recall when my mother and aunt would have accidents.In the beginning I was not always understanding.Then I began to realize this was not something the intentionally did.They did not decide I am going to mess my self to make Mae work.They were so sorry and so embarrased.I soon learned to deal with it.I would joke about it.But my aunt was so sensitive I had to becareful with joking.I just did what I had to do and all the time reassuring them it was ok.I would tell them we all have accidents and the world will not come to an end.
I have this same approach with my hubby.Because he keeps him left arm laying tightly against his colostomy bag the seal comes undone.So we deeal with the affects of this.Not the best thing to deal with first thing in the morning or last thing at night.But you just do it.To go crazy just makes them crazy and the clean up more difficult.I know many who cannot tolerate the odor.I have dealt with it so much, it does not bother me.Not the best perfume in the world but have experienced worse.I do have something to removes the odor from the room immediately, so that helps.

You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the "why", but in my opinion it is just the nature of the illness and they haven't got a clue either. It's an ugly but normal part of this mental deterioration. My best advise is to continue to try to use the depends and perhaps get him up late night to try the bathroom. Welcome to "their world". Sorry about the tough love, but I have cried too many times trying to accept and figure out the poop issue as in: "I smell it but where oh where could it be?" Or "that's awfully big and smelly to be dog poop, help honey, mom squatted and pooped in the grass and she can't get up!"
It's so sad and confusing for them too. It sounds like he needs her help, more and more for toileting. If she takes him in on a regular basis and helps him there might be less of a mess. This is the most difficult transition for us all but believe me you do get used to it.

You know, we dealt with the "forgetting" to change herself when wet. It's like they are able to recognize they have a problem, but the remedy they come up with tends to be odd. This was particularly true at night or when she was having a sleepy day when she napped a lot. She'd awaken wet, then remove her wet depends and clothing, drop them on the floor, and go back to bed naked from the waist down.

Once while I was there with her, and she was having a very alert day, she got up to go to the bathroom and came back out to the kitchen where I was preparing her supper. She asked me, "Do you have a hair dryer?" I was puzzled and asked, "A hair dryer? Do you want to wash your hair?" (She usually had her hair done at the shop, and had just been in the day before.) She replied, "My clothes got wet, so I thought that I could dry them with a hair dryer." I asked, "Well, if you did that, wouldn't they still not smell clean?" "Oh yeah, I didn't think of that," she replied.

Their thought processes are just very weird at times.

Lynda the poop problems are related to age and the disease and yes as well as the medication I learned something extremely interesting in class this last week about bodily changes of the elderly especially in the perineal area (how cool is that! we now have a nice name for that area)
Ok but seriously, bladder and anus control lessens with age on some folks because of the tilting that occurs in that region, on a female the bladder tilts with age towards the back hence urine incontinence and the anus also tilts causing more fecal incontinence, with the males the prostate enlarges to cause trouble with voiding of urine and there are two different happenings there, one is its harder to start urination for the male and 2 its harder to completely empty the bladder because of the enlarged prostate. Dang how was that?!
Maybe if mom hears this she will be more likely to listen since she is tellin anyone who will listen he is doing this deliberately. He may not be it may be age related cause who in their right mind would defecate just to do so? Even for a person suffering from AD they still have some kind of remorse over defecating on themselves or their bed I had a resident yesterday clearly in the latter stages of AD screaming she was sorry for defecating while changing the diaper on her.
I think mom is just extremely tired and is reacting out of sheer frustration she needs help sweetie get together with your siblings and convince her to get aid

Hi everyone.

I truly appreciate all the suggestions, advice, info and compassion you have.

I was talking to mom about all this earlier today and I found out a few more things.

Dad does wear a diaper when he goes to bed, but he takes them off in the middle of the night, usually after wetting himself. According to her he doesn't always remember that he has to put a new one on. She has occasionally gotten up in the night when she sees his light on (an indication that he's up doing something) and reminded him sometimes but she says she just can't do it every night. (I keep telling her to get an aide....when I go down in November I'll tell her again and maybe my brothers can help convince her.)

Mom was telling me that she doesn't believe some of dad's accidents are behavior related, but of course we don't know for certain. The primary dr. is also aware of dad's pooping habits and feels it could be from his previous meds (I forget the name) for his memory. They'd been making him agitated and aggressive as well as causing him to have poop problems. So the dr. decided to switch them. He is now taking Namenda once in the a.m. and once in the p.m. So far he's only had 2 accidents this week. I was thinking it was more but mom said no, he seems to be doing better about that. Yesterday (Thursday) he was wide awake, alert, looking thru catalogs and even reading the paper which he hadn't done in ages. So maybe there's hope. Also he no longer takes water pills so he urinates MUCH less, which means fewer accidents in "the front part." LOL Thank God!

I am going to mention to mom that if these new meds don't help with the poop problem to be sure and let the dr. know, and tell her to suggest a specialist if the meds don't improve things.