I have never talked to Mom about her dementia. She is so private about her health problems. But I wonder if it was explained to her she wouldn't feel so angry at times, or sad.
A book on Dementia said you should tell the person but not sure everyone would want to know...
We feel it would upset her, yet maybe she would be relieved and able to express herself better.
Just don't know...

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Originally posted by catguy:

Her PC finally prescribed Lexapro for depression after her neuropsychiatrist suggested it (I suggested it 5 years ago!). She has been on it nearly a month and what a difference! Before the Lexapro, she was obsessed with her finances. We are taking care of the finances and there is not a problem, but she asked on a daily (sometimes more) basis how much money she had, what about this bill or that bill, that she didn't have insurance anymore, and on and on! The questions are becoming MUCH less frequent and hasn't asked how much money she has in 2 weeks! One thing we have learned is to not let her see ANY mail laying around. If she comes across a bill of ours, even if she sees our name on it, she thinks SHE owes the money. She was always a worrier over little things. Now she seems MUCH more willing to not question us about her financial status.

That Lexapro is some magical stuff, isn't it? Our experience was similar. Her insurance doesn't like it (huge copay because no generic) but it's worth every dollar. Our LO's geriatric specialist thinks that this antidepressant has the fewest negative side effects with the biggest impact.

Getting fluids into them is a chore, isn't it? Even though the caffeine is supposedly a "no-no" our LO will drinks those little half-sized cans of coca-cola. We also have pretty good luck making her "virgin" margueritas. (If we don't put tequila in it, she doesn't know the difference. LOL Margueritas are among her favorite treats.)

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One thing we have learned is to not let her see ANY mail laying around.

...which is why I stuffed my bills all in a box in the back of my SUV and locked it when I got home at night! Mom would LOOK for them - through my desk, etc. So one night, they all went in a box and that was that.

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My 1st nearly 5 months of being a CG have been frustrating (but not as bad as expected) but more importantly it has given me the confidence to know WE CAN DO THIS. Hope we ALL can!

It can get tougher, I'm afraid, but keeping one's enthusiasm to fight the good fight goes a LONG way toward helping to make it through the rough days. Looking back on what you have already learned in such a short period of time IS a confidence booster... and we can all use as many of those as we can get!

My partner's mother died last Thanksgiving of AD after being in a nursing home for 5 years. She was a classic AD patient following all of the stages. She was never told of her condition and never questioned it, although she was not "worldly" enough to have even understood the implications. My mother always used to say how horrible that must be to suffer AD. Needless to say, in Jan of this year MY mother was diagnosed with dementia (probably vascular)we decided there was absolutely no reason to give her anything to create anxiety in her. So we have never discussed it.

Her PC finally prescribed Lexapro for depression after her neuropsychiatrist suggested it (I suggested it 5 years ago!). She has been on it nearly a month and what a difference! Before the Lexapro, she was obsessed with her finances. We are taking care of the finances and there is not a problem, but she asked on a daily (sometimes more) basis how much money she had, what about this bill or that bill, that she didn't have insurance anymore, and on and on! The questions are becoming MUCH less frequent and hasn't asked how much money she has in 2 weeks! One thing we have learned is to not let her see ANY mail laying around. If she comes across a bill of ours, even if she sees our name on it, she thinks SHE owes the money. She was always a worrier over little things. Now she seems MUCH more willing to not question us about her financial status.

Still can't get enough fluid in her. We've tried popsicles, fruit juice,tea, etc reminding her as often as possible to "DRINK!". We threatened to put up an IV bottle to remind her of what her fluid will look like in the hospital! LOL! My 1st nearly 5 months of being a CG have been frustrating (but not as bad as expected) but more importantly it has given me the confidence to know WE CAN DO THIS. Hope we ALL can!

Thank you Mae and Lynne for your feed back. Lynne you have a fantastic attitude!!
I really feel my Mom's depression that started five years ago was the dementia rearing it's ugly head in her... she just didn't want us to know or worry.

Good for you, Snowy Lynne! That's the kind of attitude that will help ANYONE get the very BEST out of life no matter what their challenges!

i've known for years I have Dementia.Is it a big deal? Not for me.I just keep on going,keeping my mind active on the computer,hosting a dementia chat at DASNI,on Thurs.nites at 9 pm eastern time.I have problems at times but I refuse to let things get the best of me...........

when my mother was noticing her memory going she thought their was something wrong.She feared being like my grandmother.At that time she could asborb and understand what was happening to her.But it would have caused her so much concern.Not only for her self but for me .When the symptoms advanced so quickley she would not accept the truth, so I told her things that she could accept.I used my forgetting things as an example of what was happening to her.To me, to hear the words has to be the worst fear and heart break.These people are aware of what happens when dementia comes to be.They know what may happen to them.They know their life will never be as they once remembered.You can bet these loved go on to heaven because they have been in hell when experienceing these symptoms

Douhka and Jeanette, thank you for your response. I'm sorry we all have to go through this...
When my Mom talks and forgets words or drifts off she never acts concerned... I really feel she has made herself a prisioner in her own mind. I think if she was to say out loud "what is wrong with my mind" she would then freak out. I just don't know... I guess as long as she is content to sit and not be told to get up and go to the bathroom she is "happy". She doesn't understand why we tell her to do things e.g., like go to the bathroom or it's time to have a shower. She thinks she can do these things by herself but she wont. Mom will tell us she is afraid of the bathroom because she took a fall in there and we have explained that is why she has a cg to help her.

I never told Mama, I even have a hard time telling her Dad is dead 3years! She asks me where he is and it just breaks my heart! I guess I'm lucky because her general demeanor is happy and laughing like a child, so she is generally clueless! But I think that is the kindest way to deal with it.

I have recorded her, I log every time I speak to her. Problem the facility has some major internal problems and her behavior is simply a carry down from her superiors. The place has had 4 executive directors in the past 14 months, and the last one just left, and I am now on the 5th DON / Director in the skilled nursing facility. No one tells the truth and they can't afford to lose anymore staff. When I was looking at other facilities to move Dad to, he bacame adamant, that he was not leaving. It has become home to him, and believe it or not, the majority of the CNA's love him. I have been asked to meet with their corporate attorney this week. I fell like the sheep headed for slaughter.

Jeanette I am so sorry, this nurse sounds a little over the top and thats putting it mildly. Record her when you have to speak to her cause this is ridiculous. Cant you request another nurse for your Dad?

Dad is aware that something is wrong and sometimes he asks if he is crazy. Other times he emphatically states, "I am not crazy". This is all in light of spending two years in court after two murder attempts on his life and hearing attorneys state his case. No one ever told Dad he had Dementia (to my knowledge) until I placed him in a nursing facility and a mean spirited nurse who has been his primary care taker for over a year read a memo that I left in his room intended for another Health Care professional (PT) regarding my court orders that Dad could no longer give informed consent. Dad "found" it and asked her to read it to him. She did. Dad was furious. When Dad asked who did that to him, her reply was "Your daughter". Had Dad not been there for over a year and had adjusted to his surroundings, I would have him removed immediately. I was told that this nurse is extememly manipulating and mean, however, the new DON thinks it was just a mistake. At any rate, Dad lives in the moment and has already forgot about it. I haven't! The same nurse thought it would be cute to give Dad his list of meds last week istead of informing me, and slso leaves his meds for him to take when he is ready to take them. She calls it "Resident Rights". I refer to it as abuse! I am trying to have to removed from his care. I also get "written up" by this nurse for visiting, saying the wrong thing, using "profanity" and/or for not calling when I am supposed to.

My poor mom -- there are some day she knows she is confused and can't remember things and she is so sad and frustrated. The rest of the time she just is what she is. We took her to a small family reunion a few days ago and while she was there she was so "with it". The folks who hadn't seen her in awhile were amazed (and probably wondering why my sister and I have such "issues"). The very next day she couldn't remember anything about it. I think they know when they know.

I was going to tell hubby one time that he had vascular dementia but decided against it and I am glad that I did. Instead I told him he was having trouble because of the stroke. But he really knew different. about a month before he passed he said "I am going crazy aren't I?" I told him NO. it was just the effects of the stroke. I know he didn't believe me by the look on his face but accepted it. With the meds and all he had really improved. No Depends were necessary and he only used the walker for security after the broken hip mended. He was fully lucid the day he died and I thank God for that. I believe the brain can relearn a lot of things. His heart gave out but he went out with his memory intact.

I just saw this topic today. I think dad may know, deep down, that he has dementia....mom told me a while back that dad once said to her, "I'm sorry that I'm so much work for you." She told him not to apologize, that he can't help himself or what he does. So we think that on the days when he's in his right mind, he does know something's wrong with him.

I know when I visit or talk to dad on the speaker phone that I never bring up his dementia or say he has it, I just treat him like he's the same old dad he's always been. That is the best way IMO.

You are a blessing to them , for them, and for us, Cristine. Thankyou, so much.

Team work makes it all go so much more smoothly.

Hi Bobcat, My FIL is doing great. He continues to travel around the world. Made new friends with some local pilots. He was a B17 bomber pilot. We see him every week and he's still living in his house.
I do visit every month and stay a few days or more if something is going on with Mom. All us sisters take turns in helping out. None of us live near our parents so we try and sched. in... When we are there we try and take over for Dad. Do cooking and cleaning and taking care of Mom and keeping her company.
I give him info from this forum to help him with problems that might arise. Do research on Dementia. My husband gives me insight on what he can... we all work as a team to help in anyway we can.
Thanks again for your support.

How is your FIL doing these days?

Although not within my range of experience, I have seen others here talk about the effects of surgery/anesthesia on the LO. When surgery is necessary, as it was for your Mom, one can only hope for the least impact.

Your H sounds like a man who won't mind your questions, although I hate bringing up work at home for my H. They do really need to get away from their jobs when they can. Mom never knew she had had these strokes, and early on, the only thing my Dad noticed, and said anything about was memory and a little "clumsyness." Only a CT a few months after Dad died, and she had a fainting spell(not another stroke) was there any evidence uncovered that strokes had occurred at all. None appeared "new" but had happened. The way I understand it here is that progression tells the tale.

I like the idea some one mentioned. Take some time to spend with them. Your Dad can use a break but won't leave her. Your presence could comfort him a great deal. You will have to be there a while for her to settle down and not be reacting to a "visit" for you to observe how things are. Adult day care is great if available. Your Dad can probably go too until he is comfortable with the staff.
Check MBs post on preventing falls
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/5506016051/m/5071083034

and discuss with your Dad what can be done to safen the house for them both . This is invaluable.