The Dementia as been a part of our lives for several years. Though lately, I believe the decline in my fil is brought on by strokes. I called the Hospice nurse today at the urging of the night cg, he was concerned of over medication. Turns out, the regular duty nurse with Hospice had changed meds, brought in new ones that are working with each other to double dose...a big big mess. Thankfully the weekend nurse was on her game, said she wanted to talk personally with the night cg, and said she would get it all straightened out.
I do think that fil has had many mini strokes this week. I could not believe that change in him today from just yesterday. I walked in, he was slumped over in his chair, leaning to one side, I almost had to sit down. I had to keep composure because my little mil was laying on the couch watching everything and getting upset.
He can hardly speak, it took me and the cg to get him up onto the walker and into the bed.
After a long talk with the nurse, who was very sweet and kind...I decided it is time to call all family and urge them to come on and visit now....soon!!!

I feel really bad, because my h had a chance to get away with a friend today and when he returned the three of us had the same discussion I just wrote about, and I told him I didn't think his Dad would be with us much longer. IT broke his heart to hear me say that, and I thought he was going to break down...OH OH OH, how I wish I had kept my mouth shut. I would never hurt him for all the chocolate in the world!!!! Feeling really low on that one. I cannot take it back though, I will apologize to him when he comes in from riding his horse.

Dumb BWB, Dumb BWB, Dumb BWB......

Mae, will wonders never cease? Your poor Mom sitting with a boom box behind her little head!
That is abuse! She is so blessed to have you for a daughter!!!

I did not know there is a certain way for someone with a hip replacement to be seated in a car. My mil had one also, she weighs 89lbs, and has severe back pain from Osteoporosis and a
bad attempt at a back fusion years ago. She suffers terribly while riding.

The one thing we as caregivers of someone with dementia, they do not do well with the confusion of alot of people around or a lot of noice.They fair well with the one on one.
My aide has often stated she wished the nurses would learn this.They have a reason for their visits but many times cause agitaion and discompfort.Hubby does not like to be man handled.
I recall my mother being in the AD ward of Jefferson hospital.When I went to pickher up to bring her home she was sitting at a table with a boom box playing behind her.I told the staff I need to educate them on the dos and don'tsof those with dementia.I had to show them hoe to place my mother in the car as she had hip replacement years ago.Will wonders never cease to amaze us.

quote:

My stepdad told me yesterday that he wants to put my Mom in assisted living, her biggest crime is that she thinks she has every disease/ailment she sees on TV, or reads in the paper. Her health is not the best, but she is NOT ready for assisted living yet! My heart is broken because I think he just does not want to take care of her, she would never leave his side!!! As a matter of fact, he was having elective back surgery while my MOM was caring for her dying mother! She left her side to go be with him.

BWB, you don't have any options here because your stepdad is her husband. Unless you are willing to step up and care for your mom TOO, I think you had best go along with his wishes.

Assisted living is NOT a place where people go to be punished for their "crimes!" What IS "ready" for assisted living? The best time for assisted living is when people are still quite able - they simply need a few chores taken off their backs (such as heavy cleaning, meal prep, security, mobility, etc.). It's a place where their socialization and living needs are supported by a community of elders and staff, not by their ability to drive themselves to and from their friends' homes and activities. If your stepdad doesn't want to care for her or feels incapable of doing so, then he SHOULDN'T be in charge of doing so! Some folks are wonderful, devoted caring partners, some people aren't. There's no judgement there - caregiving is NOT everyone's cuppa tea. He could probably move there with her if he so chose.

Personally, I find his attitude refreshing in its honesty. A million times I would rather have someone in assisted living rather than trying to maintain them in their home they no longer can care for with an aging partner for whom they cannot care. We see this every day - little ol' couples who are propping each other up, living in circumstances beyond their abilities to deliver goods, services and adequate care let alone make day-to-day and longer term decisions.

As for his having elective back surgery while your gramma was dying - that sounds mighty cold, but WAS it? Back surgery is seldomly "elective" in the true sense of the term... one suffers until they "elect" to have the surgery! Was the surgery schedules before your gramma started dying? Did they discuss it and decide he should go on ahead despite what was going on with gramma because it needed to be done, etc.? I think one should be real careful when looking into another person's relationships and decisionmaking tree to not misinterpret the actions they take... you may not have understood why they decided to make that decision at that time. OR he MAY be a selfish pig who doesn't love your mother as much as she does him, in which case, she'd be better off anywhere but with him! OR he may be sick to death of hearing about real and imagined illnesses 24/7 and be ready for a break himself!

As great-grandmother Poe used to say: Don't borrow trouble.

You have enough on your plate. Your mom and step-dad have a right to make their own decisions for their own reasons without your input or approval. That he chose this stressful time to discuss this with you was perhaps not the wisest timing, but perhaps things in your mom's everyday life are not the way they seem to you on a visit...

Blue keep all people away from her for several days thats all that you can do she is going to probably be like this for a few days thats what my MIL does after *hack* well meaning family visits/phone calls
If you wanna run it by her PCP go right ahead he may prescribe something but just know this too shall pass in a few.
Not all of it though she is watching her hunny go downhill real quick so its probably goin to get a little dicey there with her.
This is one thing you are going to have to be vigilant with Blue! I feel real bad for you all there, maybe you can turn this into a daily diary so others can help out with thoughts and ideas on how to handle some things, also someone in your situation can see what has to be done in order to try and keep things relatively calm in a situation of this magnitude.
My thoughts as always are with you baby keep that chin up

The stress is piling up on my poor little MIL. Today while the Hospice nurse was here, {by the way, fil is not over medicated, the meds were pulled way back Saturday, he is having TIA after TIA, this morning, he looked at deaths door, by 2pm, he was sitting at the table eating eggs , weird things these strokes} she was laying on the couch watching her take BP and asking questions. She asked me if I would go over to him and tell him to "straghten up". I told her I would, but he was asleep...she could not see his face. She asked my h why his Dad was acting the way he is, he said "he's had a stroke Mama", she got upset and started crying, again. She is over stressed from too many people she does not know coming and going. She is used to the day CG, and the night CG, she had company Sunday {which I will write about in the ANGER ROOM in a few minutes}. I think they added to her stress and complicated her mind. I could just scream, and then I feel so bad for her.

See ya'll in the AR.

Hospice is all about treating pain, not the symptoms that cause the pain. If a patient is compromised and loses consciousness by the medications administered, you would think that this would be a red flag and for health care professionals, it would be....not for hospice though. Over medicating is not a critical issue for them. They don't intentionally over medicate but if a patient does become despondent or slips into an unresponsive state, they typically wait until that patient becomes alert and without hesitation, continues on with meds before these others meds have fully flushed out of their system.

Regular nurse, weekend nurse, night nurse primary nurse...it doesn't matter what nurse....they all must get the primary doctor to change any scripts or dosage. There should be no judgment call with the meds being given. They are supposed to be following a prescription plan and reporting any changes to the physician or p.a.

quote:

Originally posted by BlueWaterBeach:
and I told him I didn't think his Dad would be with us much longer. IT broke his heart to hear me say that, and I thought he was going to break down...OH OH OH, how I wish I had kept my mouth shut.

Why would you even wish you had kept your mouth shut? This isn't about protecting hubby from anything other than his rightful place to be kept updated on his fathers condition.

BWB, don't worry about the place you post. We'll find you.
What a nightmare roller coaster ride you're having? Hopefully, if they have gotten the meds straight, you can all catch your breath.
The hair issue, If the truth were told, my guess is most of us have something going on related to stress, if not actual hairpulling. For one, several of us are addicted to this forum. A place to vent, gather with friends, a life saver. My best friends now, it seems, are on line. Until now, I alawys thought that was a really weird, GEEK thing. Not any more.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

Duh I forgot Hospice Blue blame it on too much sun today as well as all this caregiver drama
Baby your are not confusing me that was my mistake I completely forgot...Thats what Hospice does so forget what I said...

[QUOTE]
I am very tired as are you all, how in the world do you keep this up without pulling out your hair??

AHHHHH so that explains my hair loss! But to be honest with you (I do have stress related hair loss too) sometimes I wonder how I do it. I think we are just a unique group of loving, caring and nurturing people who are doing the best we can day to day and somehow find the energy to do it also the best we can for that day. One day,Sometimes One hour at a time.

Things are looking up, his CG gave him a bath tonight, sure it was not a pleasant experience.

He sat at the table and ate supper, and was more coherant and moving better.

I am very tired as are you all, how in the world do you keep this up without pulling out your hair??

I did work in the yard some this afternoon, it was a heavenly feeling!!!! LOVE IT!!!!!

We never used the hospice doctor.Always his regualr primary doctor.If need be you can take him to the hospital.They will take him off hospice and when need reasign.Do what is compfortable for him/

BWB, , their is a possiblty that he is having a reaction to the meds that have left him unable to control his motor skills.Depending on the meds.This nurse should have weaned him off the one meds before introducing another.She is suppose to call his primary doctor to get his input and permission.The entire problem may not mean he is ready to leave you.I certainly would call this nurses superior.
MY HUSBANDS NURSES WILL NOT GIVE HIM ANYTHING WITH OUT ASKING HIS DOCTOR.nOT EVEN CREAM FOR HIS SKIN.I wonder if they cannot do something to counter act this change of meds and the reaction he is having.I am sorry , this is not the way they are suppose to give care.

Bobcat!!! Thanks for the support!
I did go to him and apologize, he was a honey and hugged me tight and told me it was OK!

I cried!!

My stepdad told me yesterday that he wants to put my Mom in assisted living, her biggest crime is that she thinks she has every disease/ailment she sees on TV, or reads in the paper. Her health is not the best, but she is NOT ready for assisted living yet! My heart is broken because I think he just does not want to take care of her, she would never leave his side!!! As a matter of fact, he was having elective back surgery while my MOM was caring for her dying mother! She left her side to go be with him.

OK, I am rambling, but lots of dynamics going on in my life right now.

I love this place, but sometimes I feel that I am on the wrong boards, so many of you are dealing with AD & Dementia. While my fil and mil both have Dementia, I am trying so hard to help all of you deal with the horrors of CG/Elder Abuse. For that, I must be in the right place!!!!

BWB, Under the fast changing circumstances, anyone would be overwhelmed and barely treading water. The med problems should never happen, but they do and all too often. Patients and their families are already suffering and confused, new smacks before you can possibly adapt to the ones that came up this morning.
About telling your h, you didn't tell him to hurt him and you can't protect him from the truth. How would you feel if you hadn't said anything and he lost his chance to handle this in his own way. In times like these, no way feels right, because we can't make things different. Don't you dare add that to your plate, too. Be as honest as you can, this is happening to BOTH of you as well as to the in laws. You need each others support and that can't happen if you keep your mouth shut.

BG, I can't take him to the ER because he is in the care of Hospice. The week day nurse changed the meds, under the direction of the Hospice doc. HE is the one who has made a mistake, and I should have called him on it before Friday. I can't go back and change that. But, the weekend duty Hospice nurse is the one who listened to me and is contacting the doc tonight after she gets the skinny from the night CG, who is a Med Aide. I can barely keep up with my own meds, so he is the one who knows what to take with what and what not to take. UH, sorry if I sound confusing there.

H fil was at the table eating soup when he went over this afternoon, so I think he slept the OD off, partially anyway. How can we say what is going to happen.

Thanks for the input BG, I can always count you to keep me on my toes!!! You are a good egg!!!!

Blue get him to an ER pronto. This doesnt sound good
And before ANYONE changes dosages they better freakin ask me first so I can call PCP to see if this is what they wanted to do I would ask this CG, WHO gave her the authority to change meds and dosages.