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Junior Member
Picture of kellydawn
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new to forums and needing some help on what my next step should be. I take care of my grandfather around the clock he has been living with us for sometime now he is a handful. He has been out of ICU off and on from Jan until now heart disease and copd. He was living at his own home and I was going there about everyday to do his laundry clean take him shopping and so forth. It was hard driving back and forth everyday and I was lacking at home because of always being there. Well he now lives with us and right before he came to live with us for good. I was packing his things at his house while he was in the hospital and I noticed something very alarming going on. Here is some of the things I found that has me worried about his memory and what is going on with him mentally.

He has had his gas in his home turned off twice for forgetting to pay his bill. He has left things cooking on the stove you can tell by the burn marks on the stove and the burnt pans. He stopped for the most part using his bathroom and going other places. He wasn't showering as well, these are some of the things I noticed going on.

Well now that he is here 24/7 I don't know what is going on with him he forgets things all the time and well ask me over and over again. Then gets mad when I tell him I told you this before and he gets an attitude and will be hateful the rest of the evening. As a matter of fact I can deal with the lack of memory he is going through to him however he doesn't see any of this and thinks he is as normal as he always has been.

He is on a number of prescriptions and I have to hide the pills from him as he forgets what is what so I purchased a pill box for AM and PM and put the pills in there for the week. He seems to do ok with this rather than trying to figure out what is what from a bottle.

He roams around often I hear him getting into things and when I go check on him he is standing in the kitchen or another room just looking around and touching things. Right now the only insurance he has is medicare and that only pays for certain things. Right now I am trying to get him on Medicaid so he can get the proper care he needs, and so I can get him into a family doctor.

I really need to talk to a doctor about his condition and find out how and what I can do to help him. The trouble is with his most of the time hateful not so pleasant attitude it will be really hard talking to the doctor without him taking offense to it and being mad.

So I was just wanting to know does anyone have any advice on maybe what could be possible going on with him, he is almost 77 and I am trying my hardest. I don't care how rude and hateful he can be he is still my grandpa and I have no desire to have him ever placed in a home. We our allowing the bank to take his house that he has a mortgage on we are unable to keep up with the payment on it we tried up until two months ago but the cost of his medical there is no way. We have had to pretty much make him have no to little assets in order for his to get the Medicaid insurance he desperately needs. Right now what medicare does not pay for my husband and I and what little ssi grandpa gets is paying for his $600-700 a month in proscriptions co payments and so on.

Anyone who's been through this or going through this now have any advice for me I don't have any help with him his children do not help out at all. All his medical is in my hands and I am dealing with his doctors visits, proscriptions his care all of it. Thanks for taking the time to read my very long post!
 
Posts: 4 | Location: ohio | Registered: April 20, 2008Report This Post
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Picture of mae
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Kelly dawn, I would not give up on the VA.I know they have a back log on those wishing to receive their services.Maybe calling and asking to speak with a social worker would help.Contact your congressman and see if hE/she cannot assist you.Even your local representative maybe able.
Sad when one cannot afford to give the loved one required meds treatment because of the high cost.Seems the medical profession is not feeling the crunch of the economy.If his doctor is patient caring they maybe able to give samples.
When we care for a loved one we seem to run into so many road blocks that make the task more stressful then need be.
Too many times we run into brick walls.
 
Posts: 2332 | Location: home | Registered: August 02, 2005Report This Post
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Picture of DOCHKA
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If you are afraid of mentioning the dementia-like behaviors to the DR in front of him, you can do what I did and write them down and hand it to the doctor to read, be sure you mention this is difficult to discuss in front of him.
Keep it short and to the point.

BG has given you great advise! She's a GEM around here. Big Grin

Welcome, we've all been there!
 
Posts: 1244 | Location: Houston, TX | Registered: February 13, 2005Report This Post
Senior Member
Picture of Bunnys_grl
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Sorry I went to go visit my mil and have lunch. Smile
Now onto the confusion with Grampa.
Has he had strokes?
Could this be Dementia, vascular or other?
I am thinking from what you are saying so far this is a possibility and Im guessing no one has brought this to your attention yet Kelly?


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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
 
Posts: 6042 | Registered: February 07, 2006Report This Post
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quote:
My daughter she is 7 she keeps an eye on grandpa as well sometimes at least a few times a week I find her with her pillow and blanket on the floor sleeping next to his bed. I have ask her about why she does this and told her don't sleep on the floor your going to be sore. She says it's just incase grandpa needs something. She is very close to grandpa and spends a lot of time with him she really does not play in her room anymore she drags everything into the living room where grandpa is.


Aaaawww! What a gem! There sits the future Care giver of America
Aint that something Kelly Smile
Know you had everything to do with that my dear what a blessing you have in that lil package Wink

Ok now onto the scripts...
Have you asked his PCP if there is a generic to these drugs he is taking?
I always make sure there is an alternate, now sometimes some of these drugs need to be name brand they work a little better like what I refer to as the "all in one" drugs their great but sometimes there are 2-3 alternates at less of a cost than the name brand that may work just as well.
Make sure you tell his PCP that you are on a budget he will try an find alternates, in some cases he can give you samples to see if they work well...also your Pharmacist can help out here too if you are not having any luck with the PCP Wink
Remember PCP's push their drugs of choice they always do for instance Kaiser pushes Aricept Nephedipine Atenalol etc (sp?) These are ones Im quite familiar with, then you go to a "private" PCP and he/she has their own set of drugs that they prescribe regularly.
You dont need to go with their choices you just ask for the generic or their equivalent Wink
Also 20+ drugs Man am I seeing alot of this please research all these drugs hun they can have so many side effects on a person this may also be the cause of some of your Grandfathers behaviors.

How is his eating habits and are any of these drugs Diabetes meds by chance?
Try altering his diet if so.
Even if he doesnt have diabetes still DO alter his diet if your GF has bouts of confusion (watch him after each meal) that are excessive please lessen the amounts of each serving instead of 3 square a day try 5-6 smaller meals/snacks a day this does help a lot especially if you see him "Sundowning" meaning he gets more active/confused in the evening hours (usually starts about 3-5pm and the confusion, pacing, wandering heightens from there)
Ill let you answer back before I go forward with this....


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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
 
Posts: 6042 | Registered: February 07, 2006Report This Post



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Thank you for responding and being so kind Bunnys_grl When he was in the hospital I did meet with a social worker and we discussed it was best he does not live by himself she brought up Medicaid to help pay for what he needs. He got turned down the first time we applied said we were not below the income guideline. The women that I spoke with from Job and Family Services told me with his house and ssi income it is doing him more harm than good. Having assets isn't always the best thing when it comes to someone who needs healthcare as it can prevent them from benefits they need. I have done my research on reverse mortgages and called wells and Fargo financial and discussed this option. I have to say at first I thought this would be a great idea for him but after receiving the paperwork over it and talking to them I'm not so sure. The bank he has a mortgage with already has been great they have even tried to make some sort of payment arrangements lower than what his payments our now so he can be able to keep the home and at least sell or do what we need to with it.

But when you do the math between the home insurance taxes and payment on it every month and his cost of medical there is absolutely no way possible. I do have POA have had it for years. I am just now using it so I can handle his affairs the social worker at the hospital at first recommended an assisted living home or a state home. The next day when I met with her again this was back in Feb she said she doesn't feel that after speaking with my grandpa with all the love and support he is getting, and the care he is receiving at home that this would be the best thing for him. she believed respecting his wishes and staying with me which is what he wants is the best thing for him. I have to tell you at the time I was scared and nervous because my friends mothers was taken and put into a nursing home because of a recommendation from a hospital social worker. So I was very much relieved when she was all for the care my grandpa was receiving here at home. When he finally got out of the hospital he was released into my care and I was given information from the social worker about a living will and taking guardianship over someone.

The home has been in my family for around 57 years and my grandpa was upset at first that I was talking about letting it go as he told me after all I have done over the years for him and my grandma they were leaving the house to me. So I had a talk with him about the financial stress and his health and insurance is way more important than any house. I told him a house can always be replaced but you my dear you cannot. I told him I don't want the home and it's not important to me he is and getting insurance that can help him is what's important.

Walmart actually months ago went over some prescription plans they had there like the $4.00 one which most of my grandpas med's are not on that list. But I did take the information they gave me and called different prescriptions plans that our offered out here. Some were very costly to say the least. I only found a couple that covered the really high cost heart pill he has to take. So we decided we were going to go with this company because his heart medication would be covered with a low prescription co payment. Well The payment every month to have this insurance was very high and I understand why when someone is on over 20 different medications and soon to be on medications for COPD and oxygen they were honest with me about how costly the insurance would be every month, and how much I'm looking at with all the co payments for all the prescriptions.

So now I am doing what the social worker is telling me to do from Job and Family Services and we our calling an attorney to have this living will put into place and about me becoming his legal guardian I have POA over his affairs but I guess I do need the guardian thing handled. His doctors at the hospital back at the time also discussed this with me telling me it would be easier having someone make decisions and be able to handle his health care needs, as he is difficult to talk to and gets confused.

I don't want to treat him like a child I want to show him respect and him to know I do care. I know something isn't right with his memory and I guess under it all I do think he does as well he just won't admit it. I know he is just taking his frustration out on me and the rest of us and as mad and upset sometimes it gets me. I'm just going to have to deal with it and try and calm him down. I try to think of how I would feel if I were in his shoes and I should let him help me more than I do around the house. When I don't let him it really makes him upset but I don't want him hurting himself I'm just very over protective I guess I do need to chill out lol. I am very paranoid I get up through out the night often and go check on him and make sure he is breathing and not having any trouble doing so. Because at night is scary with the sounds he makes trying to get a breath sometimes it's very nerve racking.

My daughter she is 7 she keeps an eye on grandpa as well sometimes at least a few times a week I find her with her pillow and blanket on the floor sleeping next to his bed. I have ask her about why she does this and told her don't sleep on the floor your going to be sore. She says it's just incase grandpa needs something. She is very close to grandpa and spends a lot of time with him she really does not play in her room anymore she drags everything into the living room where grandpa is.

There is so much legal things involved when someone can no longer care for themselves it's really a headache to get through but I hope in the next month all that can be wrapped up and he can relax and maybe we can get some fishing time in here soon.
 
Posts: 4 | Location: ohio | Registered: April 20, 2008Report This Post
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Picture of mae
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Kelly dawn, welcome to our family forum.I cannot add anything to what Bunnys grl has stated.
If you do what she suggests , in all areas, things will be easier to deql with.
I am one who would forget her head if it was not attached.We have have those moments but we are not afflicted with possibly dementia.
Have confidence in your ability to do what needs to be done.Grand fathers are special
 
Posts: 2332 | Location: home | Registered: August 02, 2005Report This Post
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Picture of Bunnys_grl
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Kelly welcome in
#1 How long has he had this home and paid for it?
Have you thought about a reverse mortgage at least to get what he paid for it to keep him going for a bit then get him on to Medicaid? (Instead of a repossession where the money he put into it is gone forever never to be seen)
Just a thought, I dont particularly like reverse mortgages but in a case like this it might help a little if it can be done.
Is he on a prescription program yet? $6-700 a month is awfully high and sounds like he hasnt been signed up for this.
While he was in the hospital did you meet up with a Medical Social Worker?
If so they can help you tremendously in this, getting him signed up for different programs available to him and go over his history to find out whether or not he may have insurances military/pension & so on Wink
Firstly since his own children are not helping at all do you have your grandfathers DPOA & POA that is necessary to have if you are caring for him.
As for the effects of this disease and I am not judging sweetie, telling him you were speaking of any subject an hour or so ago doesnt help, it will get him frustrated.
Yes he has deficits in his thinking but you must always remember as bad as his short term memory may be he is also aware of these deficits...
You know when you are trying to remember something yourself (I call um brain farts Razz )
Well you know how frustrated you get when you have those lil lapses in your memory?
It only happens to us every now and again for him its a constant and hes very aware of it.
This is where the anger and frustration comes in.
When moments like this happen just answer him as if he has never asked before.
You will begin to see a little improvement in behavior if you do.
When he is wandering through the home just keep an eye on him (out of his sight of course) they get frustrated when you hover around them and continuously ask "what are you doing"
Instead if you see him getting into something you dont want him to, do approach in a nonchalant manner as if you have something to do and ask for help. Your redirecting his thought to something less worrisome for him Wink


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Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
 
Posts: 6042 | Registered: February 07, 2006Report This Post
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