My father who is 74 was in an automobile accident about 2 months ago. He was broadsided in an intersection, he had the green light, witness stated the woman had a definit red. She slammed him so hard, his pickup rolled over, when it did, the bed hit a pole. The driver side was on the pavement, he was helped out by good samaratins, his truck was totaled, and now is having to fight with the insurance companies to get his compensation.

He is a diabetic, he also has gout and on going foot infections. On his left foot, he has lost his big toe and a portion of his foot in that area. He now has an infection in his right foot, when he was admitted to the hospital two days ago, he called and said there would be a definite ampuation of the foot. We talked at length about it, he seemed informed, and pretty upbeat. As conversations progress, the worse the amputation was sounding, he had convinced me and my sister that the amp would be in the upper calf.

Well, when we went to the hospital to visit him today before his "surgery", which turned out to be a procedure to debride the infection and a few other minor things. We had a chance to speak to his DR. afterwards. She said there was never a conversation about the foot amp, that the bone was in no danger of infection and that after about 5 days in the hospital, he could go home and resume his normal schedule. She also said that sine he had the accident he has not been himself. (she sees him every week, so she knows everything about his life), she says she is concerned, but at the same time, a person his age who goes through such a traumatic accident sometimes starts having some dementia.

I hate to see this happening to him, he still works! He is going to be 75 soon, he is a very busy and vital man with a ridiculously busy social life.

I dont even know where my thoughts are going right now, just to say that if anyone here has some ideas to help my sister and I understand him and his mind right now, we would appreciate it.

Hi, Blue, Always glad to see you come back, sorry for the reasons behind it. Like you, I would leave it up to the law to accomodate this woman, provide her with food, cloths, lodging and medical care. As for her daughter, have a restraining order ready for her too. Ban her from the AL.

Amazing the hold she has on him. Good luck with the doc next week. Take as many details with you as possible to the visit. I know you dread taking him out when he is going to use the opportunity to beg to go see her, or even try to run away.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

Dear OP, under different circumstances my sister and I would be happy to take turns supervising visits. But, this woman is a danger to not only Dad, but the other residents and their belongings. We can't be responsible and the facility does not want her on the property. She is also a crack/prostitute, I know, I know, but only Dad could get himself involved with someone like her. The minute he sees her, he wants to leave with her, to dissapear and go far away from the "prison" we have taken him to live. He thinks there is nothing wrong with him and that everyone else there is "old". He is only 75, but the abuse that he has done to his body has taken its toll. He also has to have his coumadin levels checked every other day, they are constantly raising and lowering the dose, about 6 months ago he had blood clots in his lungs and in his good leg. He also has CHF.

I only wish we could invite someone to visit with him, but he has alienated all but one of his friends. And that relationship is on thin ice.

What if he was allowed to see his "girlfriend" under heavily supervised circumstances? I suspect she'd be gone of her own free will if she saw that visiting him wouldn't result in any cash rewards but who knows? Maybe she really cares, in her own twisted sort of way. (I doubt it but the human heart can be hard to predict.)

That way, the family doesn't wind up being the bad guys in his eyes. It's such a shame you're being cast in the role when you're the folks who really have his best interests in mind.

quote:

Scuse me for a minute please, but when we say AD, does that mean Alz? His father had it

Alzheimer's Dementia they act the same but what dad has may be different.
Dads issues, Im assuming he is/was an alcoholic? So he could very well be dealing with alcohol related dementia as I said before ask the doc they are better equipped to test and diagnose but make sure you tell him/her the family history as well as Dads so they know what their dealing with.
You know the drill write down everything you think is pertinent so you dont forget anything while your in there even your grandfathers having the disease.
And hey wait a cotton picken minute I resent havin to lose 25lbs! Thats there for cushion LOL Or the occasional chewin out we get...we need that lil extra for those moments just make sure that there paddin was brought on by GOOD food lots o veggies pan fried gravy chicken fried steak n eggs (dont forget the tabasco) some good ole crispy fried potatoes with an extra helpin of gravy over it and a slice of orange will ya please I need the vitamin C...oh the veggies diced green onions in the potatoes....WHAT?! Hey taters are veggies!
Please I wake at 5am eggs need to be over medium and uh some coffee would be nice

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bunnys_grl,

Thanks BG. Yes a protective order is out against her and her pregnant daughter who also came to the home and was arrested. If they step on the property, they are going to jail. This will last for a year, then the police are goint to roll it over for another year.

Scuse me for a minute please, but when we say AD, does that mean Alz? His father had it.

Guess I better start watching every stinking thing I put in my mouth to keep from getting diabetes. My Mom has it, but is doing very good.
I need to loose about 25lbs. DANG IT!!!!!!!!

My brother will not speak to Dad, he thinks he is in total control of everything he says and does. I have known for many months that he is not in his right mind. That's my brother's problem, but I refuse to try and explain it to him until I am red in the face one more day.

Thanks for writing to me, you know girl those horses are saddled up and ready, I know you need to go for a good long ride!!!!! Giddyup girl!

Dang just when ya think ya gotta clean get away Blue we drag ya the heck back in huh?!
Well I aint cryin bout it I love you to death so there your stuck
Man am I SO glad to hear about that lil Biddyitch is in jail Hallelujah! I thought that was never gonna happen. Did you get a order of protection on her? With all her W&W's she ought to be in there for a while though but the minute she gets out (and you can speak to the prosecutor on this matter) place one on her against Dad that'll stop her in her tracks and then all you have to do is call the cops if she ever tries to contact him.
Onto the subject of Dad Id seriously pose the question to the doc next week about alcohol related Dementia and Alz. since Diabetes is thought to be a precursor to AD.
Everything your seeing and hearing is atypical of it.
Now you know the drill baby take a deep cleansing breath or 3 go out in the field scream yer dang head off (dont scare the horsies too much mama needs a ride soon!) go break some glass an come set a spell with us.
You know you wanna....
You missed us

Things have changed dramatically since I started this thread.

My dad is now in an assisted living facility. HE is diabetic,was not able to shop for food, cook, get meds on time, bathe, you name it. He was on a down hill slide and every day he was getting himself involved in situations that caused us much time and money. He had to go, there was no choice. He was no longer able to drive and could not afford the payments on truck or insurance. I took his truck away from him, it is gone.

At this time, he is convinced that he is going to get back up on his prosthesis and go back to work. ((ain't gonna happen)), he refuses to do the exercises his PT spends so much time working with him on. He has also been involved with a much younger woman (who he has known fo years), who is a scam artist, she has stolen checks from him and cleaned out his account. Taken him to pawn shops to pawn what few precious valuable possessions he had, he went along with it. This woman was arrested last week after coming and going to the AL, picking Dad up, going off for more than 24 hrs at at a time, with no meds, and drinking at bars. The last time they left, we were considering an amber alert. We were so put out with him for the obsession he has for this person who at the time of her arrest had outstanding warrants, bail jumping and failure to appear. She was not allowed inside the facility, Dad would call her, she would pick him up. We took his cell away from him, he still found ways to connect with her. Now, he is calling my sister's husband begging to be taken to the jail to visit his 'girlfriend'. We have done everything in our power to keep her away from him. When she gets out of jail, and comes back around, he will probably be moved in the dark of night to a facility far away where she will never find him. He even told me and one of my sisters that he chose her over his own kids, and we are the ones that take care of him.
He may call my sister 30 to 50 times a day begging her to take him to visit this woman. He won't call me, he does not like the tone in my voice. I don't exactly know what is going on with his mind, some days he is easy to talk to and rational. Other days he is irrational, delusional, extremely difficult to be in the same room with. He has threatened suicide to anyone who will listen to him. Right now if he goes near the front door of the facility, they go on lock down to keep him inside, he tried to run away on his scooter last week. My sister took him for a Dr.appt last week, when they walked in the door of the AL he sat in a chair and cryed loud like a baby that he can't see his girlfriend and we are mean to him. When my sister blirted out that our other sister is pregnant, he lifted his face with no tears and wanted to know all about it. His behavior is questionable, I wonder if the alchohol he pickled himself with as long as I have known him could be a reason for some of this behavior.

He has seen a psychiatrist for an evalutation, we won't see the Dr. again until next week. I wrote him a letter explaining Dad's behavior and begged him to please help him. At times, he is very sharp and can remember things and people that blow me away. Other times, he can't remember peoples names.

I think I am rambling on, I know Dad is in desperate need of meds other than seroquel and cymbalta. He has days that he is so loud, calling everyone constantly, being a huge pain in the neck that he needs something to take that will calm him into a very long nap. I know dementia well enough that when I see him have a very hyper day, I know the next few days are going to be sleepers, and that he does.

Sorry to be so long, but it looks like I am back in the picture on this board. We are all ready to pull our hair out regarding the situation of our Dad's mental state right now.

BWB, what a treat to find her there and know she is in on this too.
MB, I do take her flowers from Mom's yard whenever we go, and sometimes just cause I know I'll be in the area. She loves flowers. Is that , "like", bribery? You are correct, though. When we need them, there is already trouble.

I have high hopes for my Dad, as we all do for our parents.

This is going to be a diffucult case, because he is so independant...I can't call him too often because he lets me know real quick that he is capable of taking care of himself. I guess so, if he has 3 different women seeing to him, plus his XWIFE {who has caused so much heart ache in our family, that if I should see her at the hospital, or anywhere, I will not bother wasting breathe speaking to her}.

He was excited to see my sis and I when we got to the hospital right before they took him in for his procedure. He said he was afraid he was going to go through this alone, that no one was going to be there. Turned out, one of his daughters from his 2nd marriage was there, we just kept missing her as we walked in and out of elevator doors. How funny is that? We ran into her when they had brought Dad out of day surgery. She is very young, but I was so glad to see her there doing things for him and trying to help him. I would not have given a plug nickel for her before hand, but just seeing her with Dad helped ease the memory of her repeated bleeding of his wallet....profuse tears melt so many do-do headed men. Crying got me nowhere with him, but I am 50 and she is 21. He was a different man back then. I think she and her older sister are the "Daddy's girls" that my sister and I never were.

Oh well, at least he had a chance at a "do over" that most people never get.

rambleramblerambleramblerambleramle....sorry ya'll.

I just want to see him get better, and back to his active lifestyle. That is why I am going to call his Dr. Monday morning.

Hope everyone has a little sunshine tomorrow!!!

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I know this and yet still feel that every medical setting is a hot bed for more trouble.

Well, Bobcat, I 'spoze that is sometimes the case. I also think that sometimes we have a dim view because by this time in life, people frequently have a lotta things wrong with them not to mention independence issues, etc. It's not usually a happy time, and things do keep going wrong. There's a time to fight the good fight and a time to back off a tad. And there's a time to let go, too, as so many of us already know. Early in the game, we all fight harder to maintain whatever quality of life we can for them; later on, we just try to keep them happy and comfortable as we can.

In this case, BWB's dad was a vital man until the accident, so there's all kinds of reasons to try to find out what's causing the changes and see if it can be ameliorated or fixed... Might be something real fixable that would allow him to resume his active life.

But, I do understand what you mean - it's another situation that we have to watch over, go to appointments, arrange for therapy, etc.

I envy your mom having a doc that will go above and beyond for her like that - not the usual fare these days, is it? Send that woman some flowers!!

BC, sounds like your Mom is in good hands all around. Just getting help in the ER is extremely helpful.

Thanks for being so supportive!

BG, BWB, and all, I know there is no substitute for proper medical care when needed. I know this and yet still feel that every medical setting is a hot bed for more trouble. Just can't get past it, myself. One Doc has been Mom's best friend, she seems to feel like at Mom's age, the less I bother her, the better. But if I have a concern she we see Mom at the end of clinic hours any day after other patients, no waiting. Or she will call to the hospital to facilitate us in the ER as a priority patient, and meet us as soon as she can. We are so fortunate that she will take us seriously when we need her. I wish she was my Dr. But she can't take new patients right now.

Good goin', BWB. I hope that the neurologist finds something - ask for a geriatric neoro specialist if one is available - might have better ideas about how this sort of thing affects old folks and not just adults in general.

I hate to say it, but I feel the same way about hospitals and vet clinics... creepy places with all kinds of creepy germs.

T.O.R.P. What you have described is what happened to my daughter.She was stopped at a stop sign, this car , traveling at a high rate of speed, rear ended her.The began as a severe headache and progressed slowly.It took her at least 4 years to completely heal .Memory loss, double vision, white outs, neck and back pain.Could not tolerate certain lightening.Fighting with doctors when they did not want to listen to what she was experiencing.

BWB, hope they are able to find a simple reason for the change.Keep your hopes high.Our bodies can be so fragile.One never knows when or where something will happen to cause changes to happen.Please keep us informed

TORP & Mae, thanks for the info.

Dad is going to be in the hospital until Tuesday. I am going to call his doc and ask her to have him evaluated by a Neurologist before he leaves the place.

I am telling ya, after spending so much time at the hospital the last 3 months, it was very very hard for me to go see my Dad yesterday. If my sis had not been able to go, I would not have stayed as long as I did. Dirty, nasty places....hospitals are.

The neurologist explained to us that up until our 20s our brains grow to fill the skull cavity, but then begin shrinking. This leaves space between the brain and skull, and sometimes even a fairly mild jolt can cause the elder's brain to bang against the skull. It's a bit like "shaken baby syndrome".

Another thing to consider is that perhaps this confabulation (filling the gaps in memory with imagined discussions, although they aren't aware of it) might have been going on longer than you realized. This was what we experienced. She had been doing okay and appeared to be taking good care of herself, so we weren't involved in the day to day stuff and didn't realize that the things she said, sounding perfectly sensible, often weren't correct.

BWB, having seen my daughter after a car accident where she had head injuries I can tell you it can make tramatic changes.A thorough evaluation could reveal any head injury.This does not mean the symptoms will be permanent.With meds and times the symptoms may reverse them selves.A good neurologist is the answer.One that will have his best interest .
It seems we have to enjoy the good days free from worry because the bad ones creep up and seem to be ongoing

Oh no Blue! A break we need a break Lord...Repeat after me sweet one He gives us no more than we can handle...

Blue let the doc do her best for now. A head injury and Diabetes coupled with the issues he has already faced...Truth time...Diabetes... people really need to be alarmed with this disease. My Bio Grandfather went through what your dad is going through as well as my brother who passed. It leads to deficits in brain function. I have watched it I am experiencing it in my MIL I have changed her diet this is something you may want to look into I know for a fact taking things out of my MIL's diet and replacing with healthy foods has turned her attitude around for sure she still has outbursts but not as often as she used to have when eating whatever she put in her mouth.
If this is something you want to do give me a holler Ill give you some guidelines to follow sweetie
Hang in there your in my thoughts